New Church Today!

Today's post is going to be another reflection post as I've been thinking about a lot of things tied to the reflections my church back in Chicago has been sending out regarding the book of Job. Just a warning. First I want to explain the title though. No I am not unhappy with my other church, I actually just joined that church.

One of the Mongolian students from my class (Monk) messaged me as I was getting ready to go to the other church. He asked if he could come with. This was a great opportunity to witness so I said of course! I let him know that my church was an hour and a half bus ride however, and we probably wouldn't get back until late. He said he was looking more at churches around campus.

I knew there was a church on campus here but I had never been to it. In fact you can see it from the main road, but it's tough to figure out where to go to get there. This was going to be the first time he had tried going to church, and I knew that it was important I go with him. I messaged one of the guys from my church and let him know the situation so people didn't wonder where I was. Also, Heavy G is at home this weekend so I would have had to take the bus.

I setup a time with Monk to meet him in front of his old dorm (he has since moved out into a one room with his sister) about 10:30 since service started at 11. He showed up with one of his buddies who I had met at the foreign student exercise day on Friday. They parked their bikes and we walked to the chapel.

This church was relatively small and the interior reminded me of one I visited up in Milwaukee with my boys Matt Gates and Eli Riddle. The church was Presbyterian so I was familiar with the service style (since my church back in Chicago was Presbyterian also). I'm more of a lead by example person as opposed to telling people what to do, so I took charge and led them into the church. I sat down in one of the open pews and we waited for service to start.

Inside the campus chapel.

The service was good, although completely in Korean. Unfortunately none of us understood what was being said, but I still believe it's important to be in God's house. Afterwards we walked back to the dorms and I got lunch alone.

After lunch I took a quick nap, and then headed to the gym. Following that I got a shower and headed back to the restaurant to grab dinner before they closed. Nathan showed up there and I took that as a sign from God. He's literally everywhere I go. I go to a random cafeteria and he's there. There's definitely a reason the two of us crossed paths.

Anyways, we ended up having dinner together and as we were leaving I asked what he was doing. He asked if I wanted to play some Frisbee, and I obliged. We played probably over an hour, until it was dark. He ended up walking me back to my dorm (because he wanted to see where it was) and we made plans to hang out in downtown Daegu tomorrow! (Stay tuned for what promises to be a very exciting day tomorrow!

So to switch gears here, we have been reading Job as a church. Job resonates a lot with me, which is funny because I've read the book multiple times on my attempted read-through's of the Bible and never got much out of it. However, a closer inspection plus the added guidance of these reflections are really helping me glean as much as I can out of just these first few chapters.

Job was a man who had everything. He was wealthy, he had a large family, everyone liked him, and most importantly of all he had great faith in God. One day the devil comes to God and begs to be able to make Job miserable. God allows him to do basically anything he wants except to touch Job. The devil takes this opportunity to kill all his cattle (his wealth) and his family. Job doesn't sin against God after this, instead he says "from dust I was born and as such I will return".

Then the devil goes back to God and says that Job is only loyal to God because he has his health. So God allows the devil to do what he wants physically to Job providing that he doesn't kill Job. Job ends up being so disfigured his friends barely recognize him as he has giant boils and sores all over him.

What an incredible change of events for this man. He has no idea that the devil is doing all of this, and with God's permission. So far (about 5 chapters in) he has stayed true to God, but he is starting to let his bitterness out.

This got me thinking about how I would react in such a situation. I started thinking what it would take for me to blame God for my situation on this earth. Probably not much admittedly. I've grown up with every possible affordance in life, and I've gotten very used to that. I'd like to think now that my relationship with God is now stronger that it would take more than before to break me. Who knows if this is actually true, but one thing I can attest to is that I now look at things from a different perspective.

God is not to blame for my situation in life. The bad that comes from events are always used to His glory. Hell I should be thankful that God doesn't smite me right where I sit for sinning so often and horrifically every single day. He doesn't though because of His great unconditional love, and His son who died on the cross to cover our sins.

I can't count how many prayers have been answered for me since I really started asking for things. I was thinking about it the other day and it blows my mind. Things that I never would have attributed to God before, or even thought about. I would say "oh I did such and such and that must have been the change that was needed". Being such a cerebral person my entire life, this was my outlook. "Ok I'm doing something wrong, and just a change will fix it". Then I could pat myself on the back and say great job, look how smart I am.

I'm about to be extremely honest here, so if you don't want to know some bad stuff about me I suggest you stop reading now. Not like that's going to stop anyone, but I figured I'd throw out a warning just in case.

I went through a pretty dark period in my life. I would say it lasted probably around 10 years. From about the time I was 18-28. Now mind you, during this time my life was absolutely GREAT. I've always been able to do what I wanted, had all the opportunities in the world afforded to me. I really have been given it all, and for that I am so appreciative. My family means the world to me and they have given me everything they can, and more. The amount of times I messed up and they came to my aid has been grievous. I can only hope that they understand that I have learned from my mistakes, and that my decisions now are guided by God and not self motivation.

During this dark period I became a man of the world. Now mind you growing up I was a "Christian" but I didn't really have a relationship with God. I was an angel in the sense of not drinking, smoking, or having sex, but it wasn't because I really cared about being religious (even though that was my excuse for not doing it) it was because I was scared.

As I mentioned before I grew up a cerebral person. My logic was that if I believe God is real and I'm right, well then I just won the lottery - I go to heaven! If I'm wrong, meh I still lived a good life and people will respect me for that. What a self righteous bunch of B.S. Yet I convinced myself that was what a Christian was, and that I was a good person. Pretty easy to do, especially when you're surrounded by like minded people. The amount of "Christian's" that I've talked to with that argument is too many to count, and it makes me sad to know that they probably will never feel the love of Christ in their hearts, and how amazing it is to have a relationship with God our father.

So what did I start doing at 18? The stuff that I never did before. I don't know if it was because I was finally 18 and the world said I was an adult so I stopped caring what my parents thought, or if I finally hit an age of maturity where I said screw it I'm going to have some fun. Probably a mixture of both if I look back on it honestly.

Sex became a motivation. I had always been interested in sociology. Not studying it in school, but doing my own studies. Watching how people interacted with each other. More specifically what guys could do to get a girls attention. Over time I became the guy that I saw was successful with girls. That's a personality trait that I'm still working on shedding. I realize that being popular is not a crime, I'm more talking about the things I changed about myself to gain that popularity. I started using sarcasm, heavy heavy sarcasm. I started to develop a wall around my heart. I was determined to beat everyone else mentally.

I started drinking at 21. Actually a few months after my 21st birthday. My excuse was that a girlfriend I had at the time made it look fun and so I had to try it. Previous to that I had planned on never drinking in my life. Well that plan went out the window.

At one point during the dark decade I remember thinking consciously that I was eating and drinking myself to death, and I frankly didn't care. I had nothing to live for. I had everything, but I didn't want it. I was empty. I would routinely go to chipotle and eat two giant burritos in one sitting and then go home to sleep in a food coma. Then I would get up late at night and drink myself into a stupor.

I made sure to always have my drinking revolve around an "activity" so as to not fit the stereotype of the guy who drinks by himself. I resorted to online gaming. I figured it was safer to drink at home and blackout next to my bed with people I would never meet, than to go to a bar and drive home drunk every time I wanted to party. A logical decision, but a dangerous one for my health nonetheless, to say nothing of my spiritual state at that point.

As my body degraded quicker and quicker I went into denial. God had given me so many gifts. I was tall, I was handsome (I honestly never believed this but people told me that so it must have been true to some extent) I was athletic, and I didn't have to try for any of it. I pretty much thought I was invincible. I sat on my butt most of the time and never went to the gym. I overate constantly and drank most nights. I was a professional ice hockey coach so my job afforded me the free time to destroy myself. So I did. Almost.

I would look at myself in the mirror and see what I wanted to see. That's not a belly, you still have some ab definition. Your face isn't red, you just scrubbed it too hard in the shower, or you're sunburned. I gained more than 100 lbs from my playing weight in about 6-7 years. Probably most of it on the back end of those years. It came on quick. I'm still struggling to get rid of it.

I let myself get to the point where there were severe signs of big problems going on in my body, and yet I still ignored it. It wasn't until people started asking me if I was really sunburned that I started to see it. By then it was too late. I never saw a doctor because I was too scared. What did I do to fix things? I tried to drink my problems away. Everyone dies right? I might as well do it on my own terms.

My thoughts weren't always this dark, but there were definitely times where they were. I never thought about suicide, but thinking back on it I was basically committing the slowest of suicides. The worst part is that I was watching my aunt go through basically the same exact thing, and I was in denial about my own habits. I assure you I'm fine now, but if it wasn't for God I wouldn't be.

He has more than saved my life, and I owe Him everything. I tell him every night in prayer that I am in submission to Him, and I want Him to lead me to where His will is for me. I know that He has great plans for me, and maybe all of this will be part of my ministry to others. For the longest time I thought I had nothing to give as far as a ministry since I had grown up with basically a white picket fence childhood. Who knows? All I know is that I'm not scared to be honest anymore.

This was all basically a giant lead up to what I have been thinking about with Job. Job lost everything. I still have plenty, and what I have lost is because of myself. I pray that God will be merciful to heal me, even though I deserve none of his forgiveness.

I'm living in a society where looks are supremely important. Where girls walk past the gym windows that are mirrored on the outside and fix their appearance multiple times down a stretch of windows. Where guys use face lotion and creams. Much worse than I've ever seen in America. For the longest time I was worried about what others thought of my appearance, even though I never really did anything about it.

I can finally confidently say that I have stopped caring. Not that I'm going to stop trying, I will continue to work on my body but for different reasons. Because my body is God's temple, and taking care of it is out of respect to Him. Furthermore, he is capable of doing anything. Whether it's to change someone else's heart, or my own appearance.

I'm beginning to realize that it really is Him that does everything, and I am just the vessel to spread the good news. Certainly people can be swayed by someone preaching with good looks, or who has a lot of money, but as Paul says "For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel—not with wisdom and eloquence, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power." 1 Cor 1:17

I really hope those that read this can get something out of it. I'll be praying for you, and if you don't believe, or you're struggling with your relationship with God right now, I hope he touches your heart, and opens it to him. If you need anything, I'm only a message away. Thank you for reading and I'll let you know how tomorrow goes with Nathan!

Korean Word/Phrase of the Day: 딸기 케이크를 사 주세요 (Ddal Gi Ke E Keu Reul Sa Ju Se Yo) This means "please buy me a strawberry cake!" Enjoy all the sweets you can get out of your Korean gf/bf now! Muahahahahha.

TL:DR I'm in Korea.