Hey guys! I'm back with a lot to say. I've had a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head lately. As I said in my last post, the past week or so has been rough and that hasn't changed. I couldn't think of the name of what the Korean's call the typhoon season here, but there it is; 장마 (Jang Ma), and it's aptly named for this period of my time here.
It's interesting how quickly things can change with humans. How inconsistent we are, and how tied we are to our surroundings. I am certainly no different. I did some reflecting today while at the gym and realized that a big part of my downturn in happiness was from where my priorities were placed. When I was focused solely on God I was unshakeable because he is always constant, and I can lean on, and trust in that. Unfortunately when that feeling of comfort starts to set in, so too does a feeling of complacency.
The best metaphor I can think of right now is that God is driving the car of your life, and you say "alright God that's enough, I think I can handle it from here" and immediately take over the wheel and start drifting off the road. Other things start crowding the place in your heart that was once kept for Jesus. Things like relationships, money, work, family, etc. In fact it was kind of ironic today, while I was working out I put on an old Papa Roach album and a song I love "Between Angels and Insects" (profanity warning) came on which has a lot of the same message.
Truly ANYTHING you put above God is an idol. Think about your daily life, what is your idol? Do you think about your husband/wife more than anything else? How about that dream lake house that you want? Is it your kids? "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:21) Is God your treasure?
Like I said, I struggle with this. Even more so this past week. In my case my treasure tends to be a multitude of things all swooping in and out. One day it's money, the next it's a relationship, the next it's another fantasy. All of these things bring me away from God little by little, for I should be content with what God has given me. Now you may be sitting there saying "well is it wrong to dream a little?", and you're right I thought about this too. I don't think it's wrong to have a goal, however when does that goal become more important than what God has in mind for you?
Now the next step beyond this gets a little complicated. Ok, so God has a plan for me...does that mean I just sit around and do nothing until He reveals it to me? Well of course not, in fact " Idle hands are the devil’s workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece" (Proverbs 16:27-29) This is a quote from an older Bible translation (TLB) but was a rather well known saying when I was growing up. Certainly sitting around with a lot of time on our hands does no good, and I've seen this in my own life. I basically built my life and schedule around having free time so I could relax, and it ended up leading me to deeper and deeper sin including binge drinking and overeating.
I can see this happening right now and the change in me is quite recognizable. The students went home for break, and now I don't have anything scheduled at night. I have class during the day, but as soon as that ends I have a month of basically complete free time at my disposal. I can already feel depression stemming from boredom and lack of direction or sense of purpose. In the past this has led to destructive behavior. Luckily I was prepared for this. I knew that there would be highs and lows for the rest of my life, and to not get comfortable during an upswing. I wanted to just focus on God, and that way everything else in my life was a bonus.
Well I failed on that first part, and thus the second part ceased to be. It's amazing what shuffling your priorities a little bit can do. I'm not here saying that I figured it out or anything, merely that I refocused on God and almost instantly my burdens were lifted off me once again. I felt free. I don't need to worry about getting a car because I trust God to take care of me. I don't have to worry about saving for a house because God will provide.
Now this brings me back to the point I was leading to before. Does this mean we shouldn't work? Of course not! That's just inviting sin into our lives. It's pretty clear that God foresaw this too as his work week is a 6 day week, with the Sabbath being a day off. Also, the harder you work, the more you can appreciate your rest time. So the obvious answer is to just put our nose to the grindstone and work right? I would disagree with this as well. Becoming a workaholic is not going to solve our issues either.
I actually finally understood today why people become workaholics, or why people fall in love with sports. A common saying I hear from the hockey players I've played with is "being on the ice is my sanctuary, where all my problems fade away and it's just me and the game". I can actually understand that feeling now having started to put work in at the gym. You see, the work you do is constant. It's inanimate so you can depend on it. It's not like another person that can let you do or hurt you. You can always create more work, it becomes your purpose and your stability. There's a problem at home? Bury yourself in your work. The world is falling apart? Bury yourself in your work. This is actually very akin to alcoholism. Shutting out the world and your problems by occupying your mind for a certain amount of time.
Of course there are different motivations for this . Not everyone uses work to get away from their problems. Some genuinely feel that they are making a difference for others, and they certainly may be. My point here is; isn't that what God is for? "28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”" (Matthew 11:28-30). God WANTS us to give our problems up to Him. To find rest in Him. To find comfort, and peace in Him.
The hard part is actually trusting Him enough to actually do this. It's much easier to just occupy ourselves with whatever is in front of us. Work, sports, relationships, family, the pursuit of riches. Give it a shot one of these days. Pray a sincere prayer to Him to comfort you, and give you peace. I do this quite often these days, and the feeling of serenity that consequently comes over me is staggering. "Prayer is my sanctuary, where all my problems fade away and it's just me and God."
That's all for right now guys. I think I'm starting to let God take control of the car again and put me back on the right track. Give Him control, and allow Him to do the same for you. Thanks for reading! See you next time!
Monday, July 10, 2017
Monday, July 3, 2017
오랜만이에요 (It's been awhile)
Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Although it's break time, I've found myself still busy somehow. I have a lot of new things going on in life so I'll bring you up to date on them.
It's finally summer here, and they weren't lying about the heat. It hasn't hit the sheer high numbers that Chicago can hit, but it's very humid everyday. They also keep talking about typhoon season coming through. Apparently the rain comes and pounds South Korea for about a week. I still haven't seen anything more than a drizzle save for a 15 minute downpour yesterday at church. I believe them that it's coming, but I still haven't seen it. Maybe I should get an umbrella?
The heat is the kind of heat that makes you not want to do anything. You just sit there and sweat. Despite this, I've actually been hitting the gym harder than ever before. I spend anywhere between 2 and 3 hours a day in there typically. This is a very interesting and strange phenomenon for me considering my entire life has pretty much been devoted to staying away from physical exertion lol. Regardless of being the equivalent of a profession athlete earlier in my life, I was never truly in good shape and my game suffered for it.
I attribute this change to prayer. I have been praying for God to change me and help me enjoy working my body out, and boy has he done it. I am really enjoying the gym and the change of mentality that has gone along with it. I'm so grateful for this truly life changing and life saving gift He has given me.
HOWEVER, all this being said, there are still days I struggle with getting there. I lift hard and it's not always a breeze getting in the mindset for that. Knowing you're going to fail before you even start is a very interesting conundrum. Instead of focusing on succeeding, the key is to focus on improving every time you go. What I mean is this; last week I did squats (my program is 5 sets of 10 reps) and my 5 sets looked like this: (10 reps, 9 reps, 8 reps, 7 reps, 5 reps). Today I went in knowing that I physically probably wasn't capable of doing 5 sets of 10 reps, but I did know that I could get at least 2 sets of 10 reps and maybe 3. That was the goal I set and went for. This can be a great metaphor for life itself and building anything really. A business for example doesn't just happen, there are many steps and failures involved. You have to continue to push forward and eventually, you might just reach your goal. Your goal might not even look the same at that point, but that's how we learn and grow.
So back to the struggling part. You know, God puts things in our lives at the right time and sometimes we don't even realize it. On Saturday coming home on the bus I decided to put on my New Testament book on tape (a gift from my boy Matt Gates that is truly the gift that keeps on giving). I listened through the first 20 or so chapters of Matthew and came up with a few questions for my dad who loves Bible trivia and always asks me to come up with questions for him. Well this time I did. My first question was "Since there are 14 generations from Adam to David, and 14 generations from David to the Exile to Babylon, and 14 generations from the Exile to Babylon to Jesus, what is the significance of the Exile to Babylon?". Now my church and I have been through the Old Testament past the point of the Exile so I know what it is, but why is it so significant that it would break up the line of David down to Jesus by an extra 14 generations? Was the punishment that important? Well my dad of course answered well as he is well versed in the Word, and the short answer is that yes it was a punishment that in fact most of Israel never made it back from. A remnant of Judah finally came back to Jerusalem and re-created Israel.
The second question was a little more simple, "When John the Baptist baptized Jesus, the people saw the Spirit of God descend onto Jesus, so did Jesus not have the Spirit before that?". Simple answer is that he was born of the Spirit of God, but that it was an event for the people that showed the trinity on earth together. (Shout out to my Dad's YouTube channel with multiple sermon's that are excellent. If you're at all interested you should go check it out.)
This led my dad to continue onto the 40 days and nights that Jesus spent in the dessert with the Devil tempting him. The big lesson here is that the Devil will always come tempt you when you are at your weakest. That's a pretty scary thought, and will really test our dedication to the Lord.
I experienced this today without even realizing it. I skipped class today. I used the excuse that I didn't sleep well last night, and that if I went to class I would come back to the dorm and sleep and it would throw my entire schedule off since I had an appointment at 5pm. I knew that I probably wouldn't get to the gym today. What a weak excuse. I could have gone to class and been sleepy and figured it out. I really need to toughen up, but besides that my appointment was canceled and I ended up literally haven't nothing on my docket for the day. I stayed in bed and slept instead of class, and fell into old habits almost immediately. I started watching video games and feeling lazy. I started playing games on my iPad and debating not going to the gym.
This is when I realized that the Devil was trying to derail me. I didn't even realize I was in a weak state at that point, but I was falling into all the old bad habits that I had gotten rid of since coming here. I didn't even really know why, but I immediately started to pray. I asked God to calm my spirit and give me the strength to stay on track.
I wish I could say that I was miraculously swept off my feet onto a cloud to the gym and given energy like never before. That didn't happen haha, but I did go to the gym. Mostly because I realized that if I didn't go today tomorrow would be even more backed up. But that was enough, after I got there the competitive spirit kicked in and I worked as hard as ever.
Things have slowed down here for summer vacation, and without knowing it I sort of became lonely. I have class, but none of the other students really speak English, and we aren't good enough in Korean to carry a long deep conversation together. My roommate and other RA's work 9-5 in the K-PACE center so I'm kind of left on my own. I don't have a car and campus is really empty.
That being said, I don't feel all that lonely, just sometimes it creeps up on me. Not being busy will really do that to you. Instead of regressing into destructive behavior though, this has led me to be more dependent on God. I'm learning everyday how important it is to have Him at the center of your life. No person, or thing can ever fill the void in your heart. You must allow God to be your satisfaction. People, no matter how much they love you or care about you WILL let you down. It's just human nature, we're flawed and sinful people. Therefore looking to someone else or something else to fill that void inside of you will leave you even more empty and searching for something else for fulfillment.
I am constantly being reminded of this, and really doing my best to learn to put the blinders on and only look at God for this purpose. The other bonus of that is interpersonal as opposed to intra-personal. Once you are fulfilled by your relationship with God, other things in life are just a bonus. A nice car, a nice house, a wife and family are all gifts from God that you can appreciate and enjoy, but realize they could be gone tomorrow. Job is a great example of this, and how important your faith is to be your foundation.
I had another dream last night. (Gater if you read this feel free to interpret for me). I was in the middle of a city on the water. I would have to guess the water was the ocean, and the building types were definitely not American, though I can't place what type they would be. In the middle of this lit up and busy city was a gated off area that served as a prison. This prison was made of grass and rock, and had a mountain path leading up to the top. It was just as tall at the top as the buildings that surrounded it. It had string light electricity, so clearly not as advanced technologically as the city that surrounded it, yet it still fit in the landscape.
I had a mission at this prison. The electricity and water had ceased to run, and the people had disappeared. I could feel that they were still there, but maybe hiding due to tough circumstances. Possibly a feeling of self preservation. My mission was to get this prison back up and running. I knew exactly where the transformer was to get the electricity back on, but I had to be sneaky because of the guards (who were nonexistent but maybe hiding?). So I moved quietly and stealthily and quickly up this mountainous prison. The transformer was at the top of the path, and I succeeded in my mission to get the lights back on and water running (don't ask me how both were connected the main idea was the electricity). As SOON as I flipped the switch I knew I had to get out of there ASAP. I could hear prisoners and guards springing back to life, and knew the guards were coming up the path to the top.
Well what do you know? I was on top of a mountain in the middle of a city, and it just so happened I was given a hang glider. I have never ridden a hang glider, nor have I even thought about or seen one in the past few years but there it was nonetheless. So I took off running off the side of the mountain and trusted in the hang glider. In my dream I was praying to God, and knew I was completely trusting Him by using this.
The ride I took on the hang glider was one of the most surreal things I have ever had happen to me. I've had a few of these dreams in the past that seemed more real than reality. I'm not joking when I say that I could fully feel the wind against my body, and smell the water and FEEL my stomach drop as I went up and down on the wind. I went from the mountain prison to one of the near-ish buildings and continued to run across the roof of the building with the plan to jump off and continue on my way. I jumped off that building and the wind took me towards the water where I ended up landing safely. I remember being able to see the city in my mind from an aerial view, and everything was lit up and seemed to be restored to normal working order.
That was it. What a crazy experience. Anyways, I'm looking for a used car. Unfortunately I'm not all that experienced with cars so I'll need a mechanic to go with me and look at whatever car I decide on. Cars seem to be pretty expensive here despite the fact that everyone seems to want a new car, and there are 3 domestic car manufacturers here. Car insurance is also expensive. Gas is also very very expensive. The problem is I need this car to start a part time job in September once I'm eligible (after my initial 6 months probation on a student visa). I've been praying about it and I'm sure God will provide what I need. Maybe that's what the dream was about! He's gonna give me a hang glider to get there! Haha, that would be a wild story to come home with.
In other news I paid the entrance fee for the G12 summit/conference I talked about in my last post. I want to see what it's actually about so that I can first hand pray and decide if this is something good, or that we should be afraid of. Regardless of what happens, I know that God will use everything to His glory either way.
Otherwise there are only 4 weeks left of Korean class for this semester. After that I get about a month off before the K-PACE students come back, and we get to do it all again! It's not looking like I'll have the money to travel like I wanted to, but that's ok. I'll probably end up hitting the gym, and seeing some places domestically here.
Overall I'm still really enjoying my time here. I'm so grateful for all that God has given me. I keep telling people that I literally left everything to come here for next to nothing, completely trusting Him. I had a great job and was almost finished with my MBA back in Chicago when I felt God put it in my heart to come here. I came here with nothing, and he has been sustaining me just as I have asked for in prayer. I look forward to continuing my adventures for the next 8-9 months here.
Thanks everyone for reading! I'll try to post more often! Leave comments or questions if you have them.
It's finally summer here, and they weren't lying about the heat. It hasn't hit the sheer high numbers that Chicago can hit, but it's very humid everyday. They also keep talking about typhoon season coming through. Apparently the rain comes and pounds South Korea for about a week. I still haven't seen anything more than a drizzle save for a 15 minute downpour yesterday at church. I believe them that it's coming, but I still haven't seen it. Maybe I should get an umbrella?
The heat is the kind of heat that makes you not want to do anything. You just sit there and sweat. Despite this, I've actually been hitting the gym harder than ever before. I spend anywhere between 2 and 3 hours a day in there typically. This is a very interesting and strange phenomenon for me considering my entire life has pretty much been devoted to staying away from physical exertion lol. Regardless of being the equivalent of a profession athlete earlier in my life, I was never truly in good shape and my game suffered for it.
I attribute this change to prayer. I have been praying for God to change me and help me enjoy working my body out, and boy has he done it. I am really enjoying the gym and the change of mentality that has gone along with it. I'm so grateful for this truly life changing and life saving gift He has given me.
HOWEVER, all this being said, there are still days I struggle with getting there. I lift hard and it's not always a breeze getting in the mindset for that. Knowing you're going to fail before you even start is a very interesting conundrum. Instead of focusing on succeeding, the key is to focus on improving every time you go. What I mean is this; last week I did squats (my program is 5 sets of 10 reps) and my 5 sets looked like this: (10 reps, 9 reps, 8 reps, 7 reps, 5 reps). Today I went in knowing that I physically probably wasn't capable of doing 5 sets of 10 reps, but I did know that I could get at least 2 sets of 10 reps and maybe 3. That was the goal I set and went for. This can be a great metaphor for life itself and building anything really. A business for example doesn't just happen, there are many steps and failures involved. You have to continue to push forward and eventually, you might just reach your goal. Your goal might not even look the same at that point, but that's how we learn and grow.
So back to the struggling part. You know, God puts things in our lives at the right time and sometimes we don't even realize it. On Saturday coming home on the bus I decided to put on my New Testament book on tape (a gift from my boy Matt Gates that is truly the gift that keeps on giving). I listened through the first 20 or so chapters of Matthew and came up with a few questions for my dad who loves Bible trivia and always asks me to come up with questions for him. Well this time I did. My first question was "Since there are 14 generations from Adam to David, and 14 generations from David to the Exile to Babylon, and 14 generations from the Exile to Babylon to Jesus, what is the significance of the Exile to Babylon?". Now my church and I have been through the Old Testament past the point of the Exile so I know what it is, but why is it so significant that it would break up the line of David down to Jesus by an extra 14 generations? Was the punishment that important? Well my dad of course answered well as he is well versed in the Word, and the short answer is that yes it was a punishment that in fact most of Israel never made it back from. A remnant of Judah finally came back to Jerusalem and re-created Israel.
The second question was a little more simple, "When John the Baptist baptized Jesus, the people saw the Spirit of God descend onto Jesus, so did Jesus not have the Spirit before that?". Simple answer is that he was born of the Spirit of God, but that it was an event for the people that showed the trinity on earth together. (Shout out to my Dad's YouTube channel with multiple sermon's that are excellent. If you're at all interested you should go check it out.)
This led my dad to continue onto the 40 days and nights that Jesus spent in the dessert with the Devil tempting him. The big lesson here is that the Devil will always come tempt you when you are at your weakest. That's a pretty scary thought, and will really test our dedication to the Lord.
I experienced this today without even realizing it. I skipped class today. I used the excuse that I didn't sleep well last night, and that if I went to class I would come back to the dorm and sleep and it would throw my entire schedule off since I had an appointment at 5pm. I knew that I probably wouldn't get to the gym today. What a weak excuse. I could have gone to class and been sleepy and figured it out. I really need to toughen up, but besides that my appointment was canceled and I ended up literally haven't nothing on my docket for the day. I stayed in bed and slept instead of class, and fell into old habits almost immediately. I started watching video games and feeling lazy. I started playing games on my iPad and debating not going to the gym.
This is when I realized that the Devil was trying to derail me. I didn't even realize I was in a weak state at that point, but I was falling into all the old bad habits that I had gotten rid of since coming here. I didn't even really know why, but I immediately started to pray. I asked God to calm my spirit and give me the strength to stay on track.
I wish I could say that I was miraculously swept off my feet onto a cloud to the gym and given energy like never before. That didn't happen haha, but I did go to the gym. Mostly because I realized that if I didn't go today tomorrow would be even more backed up. But that was enough, after I got there the competitive spirit kicked in and I worked as hard as ever.
Things have slowed down here for summer vacation, and without knowing it I sort of became lonely. I have class, but none of the other students really speak English, and we aren't good enough in Korean to carry a long deep conversation together. My roommate and other RA's work 9-5 in the K-PACE center so I'm kind of left on my own. I don't have a car and campus is really empty.
That being said, I don't feel all that lonely, just sometimes it creeps up on me. Not being busy will really do that to you. Instead of regressing into destructive behavior though, this has led me to be more dependent on God. I'm learning everyday how important it is to have Him at the center of your life. No person, or thing can ever fill the void in your heart. You must allow God to be your satisfaction. People, no matter how much they love you or care about you WILL let you down. It's just human nature, we're flawed and sinful people. Therefore looking to someone else or something else to fill that void inside of you will leave you even more empty and searching for something else for fulfillment.
I am constantly being reminded of this, and really doing my best to learn to put the blinders on and only look at God for this purpose. The other bonus of that is interpersonal as opposed to intra-personal. Once you are fulfilled by your relationship with God, other things in life are just a bonus. A nice car, a nice house, a wife and family are all gifts from God that you can appreciate and enjoy, but realize they could be gone tomorrow. Job is a great example of this, and how important your faith is to be your foundation.
I had another dream last night. (Gater if you read this feel free to interpret for me). I was in the middle of a city on the water. I would have to guess the water was the ocean, and the building types were definitely not American, though I can't place what type they would be. In the middle of this lit up and busy city was a gated off area that served as a prison. This prison was made of grass and rock, and had a mountain path leading up to the top. It was just as tall at the top as the buildings that surrounded it. It had string light electricity, so clearly not as advanced technologically as the city that surrounded it, yet it still fit in the landscape.
I had a mission at this prison. The electricity and water had ceased to run, and the people had disappeared. I could feel that they were still there, but maybe hiding due to tough circumstances. Possibly a feeling of self preservation. My mission was to get this prison back up and running. I knew exactly where the transformer was to get the electricity back on, but I had to be sneaky because of the guards (who were nonexistent but maybe hiding?). So I moved quietly and stealthily and quickly up this mountainous prison. The transformer was at the top of the path, and I succeeded in my mission to get the lights back on and water running (don't ask me how both were connected the main idea was the electricity). As SOON as I flipped the switch I knew I had to get out of there ASAP. I could hear prisoners and guards springing back to life, and knew the guards were coming up the path to the top.
Well what do you know? I was on top of a mountain in the middle of a city, and it just so happened I was given a hang glider. I have never ridden a hang glider, nor have I even thought about or seen one in the past few years but there it was nonetheless. So I took off running off the side of the mountain and trusted in the hang glider. In my dream I was praying to God, and knew I was completely trusting Him by using this.
The ride I took on the hang glider was one of the most surreal things I have ever had happen to me. I've had a few of these dreams in the past that seemed more real than reality. I'm not joking when I say that I could fully feel the wind against my body, and smell the water and FEEL my stomach drop as I went up and down on the wind. I went from the mountain prison to one of the near-ish buildings and continued to run across the roof of the building with the plan to jump off and continue on my way. I jumped off that building and the wind took me towards the water where I ended up landing safely. I remember being able to see the city in my mind from an aerial view, and everything was lit up and seemed to be restored to normal working order.
That was it. What a crazy experience. Anyways, I'm looking for a used car. Unfortunately I'm not all that experienced with cars so I'll need a mechanic to go with me and look at whatever car I decide on. Cars seem to be pretty expensive here despite the fact that everyone seems to want a new car, and there are 3 domestic car manufacturers here. Car insurance is also expensive. Gas is also very very expensive. The problem is I need this car to start a part time job in September once I'm eligible (after my initial 6 months probation on a student visa). I've been praying about it and I'm sure God will provide what I need. Maybe that's what the dream was about! He's gonna give me a hang glider to get there! Haha, that would be a wild story to come home with.
In other news I paid the entrance fee for the G12 summit/conference I talked about in my last post. I want to see what it's actually about so that I can first hand pray and decide if this is something good, or that we should be afraid of. Regardless of what happens, I know that God will use everything to His glory either way.
Otherwise there are only 4 weeks left of Korean class for this semester. After that I get about a month off before the K-PACE students come back, and we get to do it all again! It's not looking like I'll have the money to travel like I wanted to, but that's ok. I'll probably end up hitting the gym, and seeing some places domestically here.
Overall I'm still really enjoying my time here. I'm so grateful for all that God has given me. I keep telling people that I literally left everything to come here for next to nothing, completely trusting Him. I had a great job and was almost finished with my MBA back in Chicago when I felt God put it in my heart to come here. I came here with nothing, and he has been sustaining me just as I have asked for in prayer. I look forward to continuing my adventures for the next 8-9 months here.
Thanks everyone for reading! I'll try to post more often! Leave comments or questions if you have them.
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