Hey guys! I'm back with a lot to say. I've had a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head lately. As I said in my last post, the past week or so has been rough and that hasn't changed. I couldn't think of the name of what the Korean's call the typhoon season here, but there it is; 장마 (Jang Ma), and it's aptly named for this period of my time here.
It's interesting how quickly things can change with humans. How inconsistent we are, and how tied we are to our surroundings. I am certainly no different. I did some reflecting today while at the gym and realized that a big part of my downturn in happiness was from where my priorities were placed. When I was focused solely on God I was unshakeable because he is always constant, and I can lean on, and trust in that. Unfortunately when that feeling of comfort starts to set in, so too does a feeling of complacency.
The best metaphor I can think of right now is that God is driving the car of your life, and you say "alright God that's enough, I think I can handle it from here" and immediately take over the wheel and start drifting off the road. Other things start crowding the place in your heart that was once kept for Jesus. Things like relationships, money, work, family, etc. In fact it was kind of ironic today, while I was working out I put on an old Papa Roach album and a song I love "Between Angels and Insects" (profanity warning) came on which has a lot of the same message.
Truly ANYTHING you put above God is an idol. Think about your daily life, what is your idol? Do you think about your husband/wife more than anything else? How about that dream lake house that you want? Is it your kids? "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:21) Is God your treasure?
Like I said, I struggle with this. Even more so this past week. In my case my treasure tends to be a multitude of things all swooping in and out. One day it's money, the next it's a relationship, the next it's another fantasy. All of these things bring me away from God little by little, for I should be content with what God has given me. Now you may be sitting there saying "well is it wrong to dream a little?", and you're right I thought about this too. I don't think it's wrong to have a goal, however when does that goal become more important than what God has in mind for you?
Now the next step beyond this gets a little complicated. Ok, so God has a plan for me...does that mean I just sit around and do nothing until He reveals it to me? Well of course not, in fact " Idle hands are the devil’s workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece" (Proverbs 16:27-29) This is a quote from an older Bible translation (TLB) but was a rather well known saying when I was growing up. Certainly sitting around with a lot of time on our hands does no good, and I've seen this in my own life. I basically built my life and schedule around having free time so I could relax, and it ended up leading me to deeper and deeper sin including binge drinking and overeating.
I can see this happening right now and the change in me is quite recognizable. The students went home for break, and now I don't have anything scheduled at night. I have class during the day, but as soon as that ends I have a month of basically complete free time at my disposal. I can already feel depression stemming from boredom and lack of direction or sense of purpose. In the past this has led to destructive behavior. Luckily I was prepared for this. I knew that there would be highs and lows for the rest of my life, and to not get comfortable during an upswing. I wanted to just focus on God, and that way everything else in my life was a bonus.
Well I failed on that first part, and thus the second part ceased to be. It's amazing what shuffling your priorities a little bit can do. I'm not here saying that I figured it out or anything, merely that I refocused on God and almost instantly my burdens were lifted off me once again. I felt free. I don't need to worry about getting a car because I trust God to take care of me. I don't have to worry about saving for a house because God will provide.
Now this brings me back to the point I was leading to before. Does this mean we shouldn't work? Of course not! That's just inviting sin into our lives. It's pretty clear that God foresaw this too as his work week is a 6 day week, with the Sabbath being a day off. Also, the harder you work, the more you can appreciate your rest time. So the obvious answer is to just put our nose to the grindstone and work right? I would disagree with this as well. Becoming a workaholic is not going to solve our issues either.
I actually finally understood today why people become workaholics, or why people fall in love with sports. A common saying I hear from the hockey players I've played with is "being on the ice is my sanctuary, where all my problems fade away and it's just me and the game". I can actually understand that feeling now having started to put work in at the gym. You see, the work you do is constant. It's inanimate so you can depend on it. It's not like another person that can let you do or hurt you. You can always create more work, it becomes your purpose and your stability. There's a problem at home? Bury yourself in your work. The world is falling apart? Bury yourself in your work. This is actually very akin to alcoholism. Shutting out the world and your problems by occupying your mind for a certain amount of time.
Of course there are different motivations for this . Not everyone uses work to get away from their problems. Some genuinely feel that they are making a difference for others, and they certainly may be. My point here is; isn't that what God is for? "28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”" (Matthew 11:28-30). God WANTS us to give our problems up to Him. To find rest in Him. To find comfort, and peace in Him.
The hard part is actually trusting Him enough to actually do this. It's much easier to just occupy ourselves with whatever is in front of us. Work, sports, relationships, family, the pursuit of riches. Give it a shot one of these days. Pray a sincere prayer to Him to comfort you, and give you peace. I do this quite often these days, and the feeling of serenity that consequently comes over me is staggering. "Prayer is my sanctuary, where all my problems fade away and it's just me and God."
That's all for right now guys. I think I'm starting to let God take control of the car again and put me back on the right track. Give Him control, and allow Him to do the same for you. Thanks for reading! See you next time!
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