So I wanted to write this post yesterday, on the day of my one year anniversary of arriving here, but the day got pretty busy. Therefore, I'm going to treat this post as if I wrote it yesterday. There's been a lot going on in my mind since the last post, and I'm excited to share it with you guys.
First of all, I think I've finally past my "What are other Christians doing that's wrong" phase (of course not completely, we all have our downfalls). I feel that this phase inevitably comes with a young faith. We are taught in school to take what we learn and apply it to the world around us. There isn't a whole lot of concentration on introspection.
Therefore, a young (young in the length of time sense) Christian who is just learning about the Bible, and/or his/her own faith will be excited to see how they can help others. I mean...that IS the point of the Bible right? Helping others?
Well, not necessarily. That's certainly a point. A big one. But, Jesus taught us all a LOT about internal thoughts and sin. I think that I'm getting to the stage where I can really start to apply these teachings to myself, and begin to (with His help of course) change myself into a true Christian.
I'm not saying we can't see others and understand that there are things wrong with what they're doing, or see a culture of Christianity in another region of the world and realize it doesn't lend itself towards true belief. However, I think the outlook of criticism and unhelpful condemnation is where a lot of us go wrong.
A lot of this stems from my reading of Matthew 7:5 where Jesus says "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you
will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." How easy is it for us, as humans, to overlook our own shortcomings and think only of what we see in others.
It's like trying to teach someone to do a math proof, when you can't do it yourself. If you don't fully understand what Jesus is saying, you can't practice it. And if you can't practice it, you can't teach it to someone else, or even more importantly - be an example to them.
The days are coming where we, as Christians really need to step up our game. We can call ourselves Christians, and profess our faiths all we want, but if we don't make changes to begin living it, then we are in fact, also hypocrites. My outlook, not only personal, but in the world will be turning inward.
As Paul says in Corinthians 5:10 "...not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the
greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave
this world." In this passage he is talking about how if we were to separate ourselves from all sinners, we would have to leave this world completely. No, we actually don't have to worry about the world, and what it's doing.
We're not here to fix the sins of our world. Though I admit many times that's how I feel, that justice needs to be served, and my job is to serve it. How can I fight against social injustice? How about financial, or even physical injustice? I need to remember that is God's job, and truthfully that's a relief. That's something we can find solace in. He is coming, and He will exact true justice. Not mine, or anyone else's skewed/biased form. Let that relax you. Let it give you serenity!
I haven't been going to church lately. It's probably been about a month. I really need to fix this. I need fellowship. Everyone does. I've been working 6 days a week, and I just don't have the energy on Sundays. I keep thinking about how the Lord's week is a 6 day week, with 1 day (The Sabbath) for rest. I have to be honest, going to church does not feel like a rest.
I can't quite pinpoint why either. It could be the 1 hour+ round trip, or the fact that I feel that I'm inconveniencing someone who has to translate for me every time I come. Or that it takes at least 4 hours out of my day. I imagine that I'm really looking at this the wrong way though. I should be thinking of the positives. The encouragement I can bring to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Something they desperately need. Or that I should be grateful for the chance to joyously praise God's name without fear or persecution. Or truly that I should just be so excited to get into God's house at the end of a long hard frustrating week and be rejuvenated, and refilled with His love and Holy Spirit.
I certainly know that I feel much better after I go every time. I do feel rested, and relaxed, and rejuvenated. I need to focus more on this, and be less stingy with my free time. This is something I will continue to pray about, and I know the Lord will fill my heart with desire, and dedication.
It has also come to my attention that I don't fear God enough. I came to this conclusion in a strange place. I was using the bathroom in an empty elementary school here after finishing my classes, and I just had a weird thought about how the door could fly open with a giant gust of wind (like in the movies lol) with God standing there, and how I would react. I thought about the Israelites in the desert. I thought about Moses who had actually come into God's presence. I was rightfully terrified.
Being 6'6" and big my entire life, I think it's easy to fall into a sense of self-security. I've never trained for any kind of fighting in my life, but I've never had to worry about it because everyone that sees me tends to not want to challenge me to anything. It's easy to just be complacent. But in the presence of God, I would be helpless. I thought about the sins that I would be confronted with.
THEN I thought about something that filled me with dread. How I treat an incredible loving, self-sacrificing God almost every day. How I can literally be desiring something in my heart (lusting, drinking, over eating), think about God, know that I can pray for this desire to pass, AND INSTEAD, STILL do what I was planning. How incredibly purposely disrespectful. I can't imagine the anger I would have with myself if I was God.
The amount of sheer complacency, and audacity to continue to sin even after weighing the alternatives of doing what is right - and learning to lean on God for the power to deny my flesh - is absolutely unbelievable. I understand that I can't deny my flesh by myself, that I need God. But I still am the one making the decision. I really need to fear God more.
I think in this day and age where things like miracles, and healing seem like fantasy, it's easy to just overlook the true magnitude of our existence. To downplay the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. I think it's time to get on my knees again, and praise the one true God, the creator of life, and everything in existence.
Lastly, I want to share something on a happy note. As I talked about in my last post, I walked past a man that looked homeless, and had a introspective look afterwards. Friday night after work, I went to the local train station here to meet a friend who was coming in for the weekend. It was a cold night, and in the doorway I saw a man on his hands and knees, face down to the cement with a donation jar in front of him.
He had no shoes on, and his feet showed that he hadn't just taken them off and hidden them somewhere to gain more sympathy. I instantly felt compassion for him. I'm grateful that God put this in my heart. I had no thought of myself, and I wanted to help him. Unfortunately I had no cash with me. I asked my friend, and they had only a small amount of cash. I decided we should get him some shoes.
As I mentioned last time, there is a stigma in the U.S. that homeless people use money for drugs or alcohol, and I would imagine it's similar here. We went to go buy shoes and socks for this man, and found some at a store about a 10 min walk away. We came back, and some people were giving the man some cash, which was good to see. I wanted to ask if he wanted some food, but he was pretty unresponsive to anyone talking to him. He just kept his face to the ground.
I don't know if it was some kind of act, or if he doesn't want people to talk to him, but it could also be complete and utter humiliation. I can't imagine how broken you would have to be to beg from others. I can totally understand him not wanting to show his face. He might also not be in the greatest physical condition.
I went over and patted him on the back and tried to give him the shoes and socks. My friend who is Korean told him that we had shoes for him, and he made a move a little, but didn't do much. I left the shoes and socks next to him, as I didn't want to force him to accept them. I hope that they helped him out.
A lot of people say that there is never something for nothing. Meaning, when you do a good deed, you get satisfaction out of it as well. I can certainly say that afterwards I felt good. I was happy that I could help, and even more happy and grateful that God put it in my heart to get this man some footwear. It was like I was on a mission, there was no stopping me. I would call it less of self satisfaction though. I didn't feel that I had accomplished something. I felt that God had started training me more for what I am to do in the future. I'm glad he could use it to help someone else, who appeared to be in great need.
As always I'm grateful for all who read these. I hope to be an encouragement to other Christians, and salt and light to the world. Talk to you guys again soon!
Sunday, March 18, 2018
Sunday, March 4, 2018
It's been over 3 months!
It truly is incredible how time flies. It's been more than 3 months since I've posted on here. I have been super busy with moving into a new place, trying to get everything setup with furniture and whatnot. Also my hours have changed with work (they're never truly set, just kind of guidelines). It seems that I never have any free time anymore, and when I do I just want to relax. The truth is I've allowed myself to be distracted from what I should be doing.
I had been thinking about my blog, and things I wanted to say, but somehow I would never get it done. Circumstances have changed since I would sit in my dorm room every night and spend at least an hour typing these out. Instead now I have a place to myself, and rather than try to find some alone time to put my thoughts down, I'm doing the opposite - trying to fill my lonesome place with some noise (usually watching some kind of pro esports on twitch) to avoid too much alone time.
I'm grateful that during a Skype call yesterday my dad brought the subject up and asked about it. I realized that my blog is just one of the ways that I can reach out to and encourage Christians around the world. Hopefully not only Christians, but everyone as well. As I've stated before I have changed to become as honest as possible, and to exercise Christ's love through me as much as possible. I think that a lot of people have misconceptions about what Christianity is, and who true Christians are, and I hope to change those misconceptions through action.
That being said, I certainly didn't lead through action last night. I went to dinner about 8pm. After eating I walked outside and it was slightly drizzling, and was surprisingly warm. Within half a block I saw an older man lying on his side in the entrance to a doorway. His head was down and I would have to assume he was homeless. About a billion thoughts went through my mind in the two steps I took from the time I saw him until the time I was next to him. "What should I do?" "How can I help him?" "How do I even ask him in Korean if he wants help?" "Would he understand me if I did ask him?" "What do I have to give him?" "I'm scared.".
Unfortunately that last thought won. As it has so many times before. I'm ashamed to say I looked at him and continued walking back home. Although I was conflicted, I don't take comfort in that. What kind of person does that? What kind of Christian does that? I realize that a lot of people walk by, and many without a second thought. Sure it's great that I wanted to help, but without action my thoughts amount to nothing.
I could have turned back at any time, but I didn't. I immediately started to try to console myself. As if I needed consoling from what I didn't do to help. I started thinking things like "the language barrier would be too much to overcome" "maybe I'm not called by God to help the homeless" "maybe I'm meant to help other people" and ultimately "who am I called to?"
I also have to shamefully admit that while walking through Chicago I walked past the homeless there as well. There was no language barrier there, just me being callous. I have given considerable thought on how to help the homeless, yet my thoughts have never become action. While I'm not making excuses or justifying, I believe these to be the facts: a lot of times in America the homeless are pariah.
You see documentaries on TV about people that beg for money on the streets, then go to their Cadillac Escalade and drive away. They make over $100,000. Certainly that isn't a lot of them, but it puts a negative thought in your mind. Not only that, but you hear stories about violence and drug use, or that your generous donation is only going to buy alcohol, or some other drug. After many years of hearing that it can be difficult to break through the stereotypes and fears.
Everyone wants to know that if they are parting with money in a donation, it's going to good use. I guess the truth of the matter is to trust God. I should put my fears aside and ask if they need help, and trust that God will guide me to what they truly need. I'm sure there will be some times I am taken advantage of, but I know God will use all of that to His glory anyway. I would think the most valuable thing I have to share anyway, is the Gospel. I pray that next time I have the opportunity to help someone, I will.
I haven't always had a track record of walking by people. Not to boast, but more to encourage myself that I'm capable of this - I was driving home from school the coldest night of winter in Chicago two years ago. It was probably 10-15 below zero with windchill. I don't remember if I was going to go to McDonald's or I was just driving home, but I remember seeing someone standing on the median of a busy road. It was way too cold for that, so I turned around and drove up next to them in the turn lane.
It turned out to be a girl, probably in her early 20's or late teens. I felt so bad for her, luckily I had my favorite hoodie in the back seat of my car. I gave it to her because I knew that the wind must have been cutting right through her jacket. Of course it would have been huge on her, but something is better than nothing. I also drove to a McDonald's that was close and brought her a bag of food. She was very grateful. I offered her a ride to wherever she wanted to go, which she turned down. I can imagine it was scary for her too.
It's easy to only look at things from our point of view, but imagine if you fell on hard times. How difficult would it be for you to beg on the street? Especially after most of us have grown up not having to ask for anything. I think at least for me, looking at it that way will make it easier to reach out to someone.
I had actually somewhat made peace with myself on this subject until I read Proverbs 28 this morning. Verse 27: "Those who give to the poor will lack nothing, but those who close their eyes to them receive many curses." Reading this absolutely crushed me. I immediately bowed my head and prayed. This can mean many things to many people, but coming after last night it was very powerful to me.
This is why it's so important to be in the Word every day. Reading the Bible should be a time of great learning, encouragement, curiosity, and ultimately joy. I know how tedious it can seem. My entire life I've seen it as a chore rather than something I couldn't wait to get my hands on. However, learning about God and building a relationship with Him is such a fascinating, and wonderful feeling. Learning more about Him should be a great joy, and second nature. This is another thing to pray about. He will give you, and I, the desire for the Word.
I am grateful to all of you for reading, and as always I hope to post again soon. I will continue to pray for the discipline, and wherewithal to keep posting on my spiritual journey. If these blogs help even one person then it is worth it.
In Christ,
Carl
I had been thinking about my blog, and things I wanted to say, but somehow I would never get it done. Circumstances have changed since I would sit in my dorm room every night and spend at least an hour typing these out. Instead now I have a place to myself, and rather than try to find some alone time to put my thoughts down, I'm doing the opposite - trying to fill my lonesome place with some noise (usually watching some kind of pro esports on twitch) to avoid too much alone time.
I'm grateful that during a Skype call yesterday my dad brought the subject up and asked about it. I realized that my blog is just one of the ways that I can reach out to and encourage Christians around the world. Hopefully not only Christians, but everyone as well. As I've stated before I have changed to become as honest as possible, and to exercise Christ's love through me as much as possible. I think that a lot of people have misconceptions about what Christianity is, and who true Christians are, and I hope to change those misconceptions through action.
That being said, I certainly didn't lead through action last night. I went to dinner about 8pm. After eating I walked outside and it was slightly drizzling, and was surprisingly warm. Within half a block I saw an older man lying on his side in the entrance to a doorway. His head was down and I would have to assume he was homeless. About a billion thoughts went through my mind in the two steps I took from the time I saw him until the time I was next to him. "What should I do?" "How can I help him?" "How do I even ask him in Korean if he wants help?" "Would he understand me if I did ask him?" "What do I have to give him?" "I'm scared.".
Unfortunately that last thought won. As it has so many times before. I'm ashamed to say I looked at him and continued walking back home. Although I was conflicted, I don't take comfort in that. What kind of person does that? What kind of Christian does that? I realize that a lot of people walk by, and many without a second thought. Sure it's great that I wanted to help, but without action my thoughts amount to nothing.
I could have turned back at any time, but I didn't. I immediately started to try to console myself. As if I needed consoling from what I didn't do to help. I started thinking things like "the language barrier would be too much to overcome" "maybe I'm not called by God to help the homeless" "maybe I'm meant to help other people" and ultimately "who am I called to?"
I also have to shamefully admit that while walking through Chicago I walked past the homeless there as well. There was no language barrier there, just me being callous. I have given considerable thought on how to help the homeless, yet my thoughts have never become action. While I'm not making excuses or justifying, I believe these to be the facts: a lot of times in America the homeless are pariah.
You see documentaries on TV about people that beg for money on the streets, then go to their Cadillac Escalade and drive away. They make over $100,000. Certainly that isn't a lot of them, but it puts a negative thought in your mind. Not only that, but you hear stories about violence and drug use, or that your generous donation is only going to buy alcohol, or some other drug. After many years of hearing that it can be difficult to break through the stereotypes and fears.
Everyone wants to know that if they are parting with money in a donation, it's going to good use. I guess the truth of the matter is to trust God. I should put my fears aside and ask if they need help, and trust that God will guide me to what they truly need. I'm sure there will be some times I am taken advantage of, but I know God will use all of that to His glory anyway. I would think the most valuable thing I have to share anyway, is the Gospel. I pray that next time I have the opportunity to help someone, I will.
I haven't always had a track record of walking by people. Not to boast, but more to encourage myself that I'm capable of this - I was driving home from school the coldest night of winter in Chicago two years ago. It was probably 10-15 below zero with windchill. I don't remember if I was going to go to McDonald's or I was just driving home, but I remember seeing someone standing on the median of a busy road. It was way too cold for that, so I turned around and drove up next to them in the turn lane.
It turned out to be a girl, probably in her early 20's or late teens. I felt so bad for her, luckily I had my favorite hoodie in the back seat of my car. I gave it to her because I knew that the wind must have been cutting right through her jacket. Of course it would have been huge on her, but something is better than nothing. I also drove to a McDonald's that was close and brought her a bag of food. She was very grateful. I offered her a ride to wherever she wanted to go, which she turned down. I can imagine it was scary for her too.
It's easy to only look at things from our point of view, but imagine if you fell on hard times. How difficult would it be for you to beg on the street? Especially after most of us have grown up not having to ask for anything. I think at least for me, looking at it that way will make it easier to reach out to someone.
I had actually somewhat made peace with myself on this subject until I read Proverbs 28 this morning. Verse 27: "Those who give to the poor will lack nothing, but those who close their eyes to them receive many curses." Reading this absolutely crushed me. I immediately bowed my head and prayed. This can mean many things to many people, but coming after last night it was very powerful to me.
This is why it's so important to be in the Word every day. Reading the Bible should be a time of great learning, encouragement, curiosity, and ultimately joy. I know how tedious it can seem. My entire life I've seen it as a chore rather than something I couldn't wait to get my hands on. However, learning about God and building a relationship with Him is such a fascinating, and wonderful feeling. Learning more about Him should be a great joy, and second nature. This is another thing to pray about. He will give you, and I, the desire for the Word.
I am grateful to all of you for reading, and as always I hope to post again soon. I will continue to pray for the discipline, and wherewithal to keep posting on my spiritual journey. If these blogs help even one person then it is worth it.
In Christ,
Carl
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