It's been over 3 months!

It truly is incredible how time flies. It's been more than 3 months since I've posted on here. I have been super busy with moving into a new place, trying to get everything setup with furniture and whatnot. Also my hours have changed with work (they're never truly set, just kind of guidelines). It seems that I never have any free time anymore, and when I do I just want to relax. The truth is I've allowed myself to be distracted from what I should be doing.

I had been thinking about my blog, and things I wanted to say, but somehow I would never get it done. Circumstances have changed since I would sit in my dorm room every night and spend at least an hour typing these out. Instead now I have a place to myself, and rather than try to find some alone time to put my thoughts down, I'm doing the opposite - trying to fill my lonesome place with some noise (usually watching some kind of pro esports on twitch) to avoid too much alone time.

I'm grateful that during a Skype call yesterday my dad brought the subject up and asked about it. I realized that my blog is just one of the ways that I can reach out to and encourage Christians around the world. Hopefully not only Christians, but everyone as well. As I've stated before I have changed to become as honest as possible, and to exercise Christ's love through me as much as possible. I think that a lot of people have misconceptions about what Christianity is, and who true Christians are, and I hope to change those misconceptions through action.

That being said, I certainly didn't lead through action last night. I went to dinner about 8pm. After eating I walked outside and it was slightly drizzling, and was surprisingly warm. Within half a block I saw an older man lying on his side in the entrance to a doorway. His head was down and I would have to assume he was homeless. About a billion thoughts went through my mind in the two steps I took from the time I saw him until the time I was next to him. "What should I do?" "How can I help him?" "How do I even ask him in Korean if he wants help?" "Would he understand me if I did ask him?" "What do I have to give him?" "I'm scared.".

Unfortunately that last thought won. As it has so many times before. I'm ashamed to say I looked at him and continued walking back home. Although I was conflicted, I don't take comfort in that. What kind of person does that? What kind of Christian does that? I realize that a lot of people walk by, and many without a second thought. Sure it's great that I wanted to help, but without action my thoughts amount to nothing.

I could have turned back at any time, but I didn't. I immediately started to try to console myself. As if I needed consoling from what I didn't do to help. I started thinking things like "the language barrier would be too much to overcome" "maybe I'm not called by God to help the homeless" "maybe I'm meant to help other people" and ultimately "who am I called to?"

I also have to shamefully admit that while walking through Chicago I walked past the homeless there as well. There was no language barrier there, just me being callous. I have given considerable thought on how to help the homeless, yet my thoughts have never become action. While I'm not making excuses or justifying, I believe these to be the facts: a lot of times in America the homeless are pariah.

You see documentaries on TV about people that beg for money on the streets, then go to their Cadillac Escalade and drive away. They make over $100,000. Certainly that isn't a lot of them, but it puts a negative thought in your mind. Not only that, but you hear stories about violence and drug use, or that your generous donation is only going to buy alcohol, or some other drug. After many years of hearing that it can be difficult to break through the stereotypes and fears.

Everyone wants to know that if they are parting with money in a donation, it's going to good use. I guess the truth of the matter is to trust God. I should put my fears aside and ask if they need help, and trust that God will guide me to what they truly need. I'm sure there will be some times I am taken advantage of, but I know God will use all of that to His glory anyway. I would think the most valuable thing I have to share anyway, is the Gospel. I pray that next time I have the opportunity to help someone, I will.

I haven't always had a track record of walking by people. Not to boast, but more to encourage myself that I'm capable of this - I was driving home from school the coldest night of winter in Chicago two years ago. It was probably 10-15 below zero with windchill. I don't remember if I was going to go to McDonald's or I was just driving home, but I remember seeing someone standing on the median of a busy road. It was way too cold for that, so I turned around and drove up next to them in the turn lane.

It turned out to be a girl, probably in her early 20's or late teens. I felt so bad for her, luckily I had my favorite hoodie in the back seat of my car. I gave it to her because I knew that the wind must have been cutting right through her jacket. Of course it would have been huge on her, but something is better than nothing. I also drove to a McDonald's that was close and brought her a bag of food. She was very grateful. I offered her a ride to wherever she wanted to go, which she turned down. I can imagine it was scary for her too.

It's easy to only look at things from our point of view, but imagine if you fell on hard times. How difficult would it be for you to beg on the street? Especially after most of us have grown up not having to ask for anything. I think at least for me, looking at it that way will make it easier to reach out to someone.

I had actually somewhat made peace with myself on this subject until I read Proverbs 28 this morning. Verse 27: "Those who give to the poor will lack nothing, but those who close their eyes to them receive many curses." Reading this absolutely crushed me. I immediately bowed my head and prayed. This can mean many things to many people, but coming after last night it was very powerful to me.

This is why it's so important to be in the Word every day. Reading the Bible should be a time of great learning, encouragement, curiosity, and ultimately joy. I know how tedious it can seem. My entire life I've seen it as a chore rather than something I couldn't wait to get my hands on. However, learning about God and building a relationship with Him is such a fascinating, and wonderful feeling. Learning more about Him should be a great joy, and second nature. This is another thing to pray about. He will give you, and I, the desire for the Word.

I am grateful to all of you for reading, and as always I hope to post again soon. I will continue to pray for the discipline, and wherewithal to keep posting on my spiritual journey. If these blogs help even one person then it is worth it.

In Christ,

Carl