Ok so this part is a progressive post from the last one. It will incorporate and elaborate on some of the thoughts, but it's mostly new material. I assume this will be a pretty lengthy post so I might end up even breaking it up into sub-posts but we will see.
As of last Sunday I hadn't been to church in about a month. Between the fact that it takes about an hour and a half to get to my church by public transportation, and traveling, plus some personal things that needed to be taken care of, I had neglected my attendance. Obviously this wasn't on purpose but my time is pretty restricted these days, so Sundays are sometimes the only free time I get.
Anyways, missing church for that long really reminded me how very much we all need fellowship and to be in God's house. It may not seem like it, but wow does sin slip in fast. Subtle change in views become big changes over time, and left unchecked can really threaten our faith.
Case and point, I'm in the market for a new phone and car now. Both are necessary at this point, and I'm working on saving the funds necessary for these purchases. I'm looking at a used car in the range of 7-9k or so as I'm planning on being here awhile and I would like something nice. I'm also looking at the galaxy note 8 phone. (I want to keep my American number so a new phone would be necessary, I looked into other options like Google voice and a Skype number but they just aren't feasible in my situation).
A little background on me. I was brought up with all the best equipment. I wasn't spoiled...I knew the value of what I had, but my parents had the motto "an artist is only as good as his tools". I grew up playing hockey, and for everyone who knows hockey reading this, equipment isn't cheap. I always had the best of the best, and I have grown accustomed to this. Would a burner phone work? Of course. Would a rust bucket car that goes from point A to point B safely work? Of course.
This brings up a great theological discussion. I think there are very valid arguments on both sides of this. As Christians where do "material belongings" fit in for us? Jesus lived broke and homeless. Paul was pretty close to this as well. Though there are times Paul says he lacked nothing, and lived pretty well.
There are other men in the Bible who were extremely wealthy. (King David, and King Solomon, as well as Job). These men lacked nothing. Obviously they had the means to have whatever they wanted. However, I would guess the truth lies in the motivation. Having a nice car/phone in order to garner attention from others is a sinful outlook, but having them out of necessity would be acceptable.
In my head I then wonder about what Paul said about "becoming all things to all people in order to win them". If I'm to be in the world of hockey, and teaching business men would having those things give me more credibility? Is that even what Paul meant? It's a legitimate question, and likely one that ends with not having the expensive things because it's easy to get caught up in that.
I don't think it's a sin to have things you can afford because God gives you the means to do so. However, the key is to not be attached to these "things". Understand that they are merely tools to be used for the kingdom. God can take everything away from you tomorrow (see the book of Job).
This is much easier said than done. All of this has been a background to my church visit last Sunday and the thoughts that have been going through my head. I seem to have revelation every time I go to church these days, and honestly I should probably be doing much more of it. The things I think of when I'm in God's house are very simple, yet profound. I find myself wanting to share more and more the deeper I go into Him. I find myself wanting to speak in church, and go on mission trips.
These things were never my desires before, but when God takes over your life you just can't help yourself. People tend to talk about what their heart desires. For some it's cars, for others it's men/women, yet others it's money. I am beginning to turn from all of that to talking about God, and it's scary and awesome. Scary because I know the sacrifice required for truly living as Christ does, but I am fully willing and looking forward to accepting that. Awesome because I used to think people that only wanted to talk about God were boring and lame, and now I'm starting to understand it.
I had a conversation with the pastor on Sunday 1 on 1. He pulled me aside and asked if we could talk. I was really excited because I had plenty I wanted to say to him since I had started attending this particular church. He may have been worried since I hadn't been to church in a month or so, and wanted to check in with me. His English was actually pretty good, good enough to have a conversation that we both understood.
He started by asking me how I liked the church. To which I answered that I liked it very much, and that from the first time I walked in I felt the Holy Spirit was at work. I also feel that each time I hear his sermon it's something that I need to hear, and that's very important. He was very happy to hear that and launched into an explanation of his theological beliefs and his vision of the church.
The main points that he mentioned were a church like the one in acts. A small church where people live and act as Christians. He also mentioned pushing people to be disciples since the Great Commission is something that we need to strive for.
I was happy to tell him that I agreed with everything he had to say. I am very in favor of home churches. I think it's extremely important to have fellowship with a small group of people. That way you have intimacy. You are involved in people's lives. You know what struggles they are going through, and what they need and you can fulfill those needs. That gets lost in large congregations. I also agree that we need to send out disciples to all nations. The only problem is that no one is teaching HOW to be a disciple. I know the desire is there, but the knowledge is missing.
I finally got the chance to tell the pastor how I felt about the G12 conference that we went to. I didn't like it. I think the idea can be a good one, but the way it's executed is pretty bad. There's a lot of prosperity gospel being preached, and only motivational speeches on being a good disciple, no teaching on HOW to do that.
I remember talking with my buddy Matt Gates about this during the conference, and he echoed those sentiments. Many people are saying "Go and make disciples of all nations" but no one is teaching how! I'm hoping that these revelations I'm having can help with this issue.
So then you ask, what are these revelations I've been having? Well as I said, they're pretty simple, yet profound. I'm hoping that these thoughts can help even one person, that would make things worth it, but even not at this point I know these will help me teach others in the future.
I will continue this post so as to not let it be too long!
Thursday, September 28, 2017
Tuesday, September 26, 2017
Dominoes Part 1
I'm going to break this post into 2 parts because it's going to be long. It's also many thoughts so I think it's pretty necessary. There's been a lot going on in my thoughts, and my relationship with God so I thought it important to write it out for you guys. Without further adieu, here we go.
The main thought of this post is "The domino effect of sin". This post obviously pertains mostly to my life considering these are my personal thoughts on the subject, but I would be willing to bet that others have this particular issue as well.
What I mean is that I go along my merry way during the week and feel that I'm doing a pretty good job of avoiding sin (I know this isn't the case, but at least conscious sins), and then I let the flesh win a battle. I say let because truly God does not tempt us beyond our ability to withstand temptation. This may consist of anything such as drinking too much on a given night, or eating too much during a meal.
The result is that this sets off a ripple effect of doing things that I probably wouldn't normally otherwise do. Much like how a "diet" is ruined for the week if you cheat once, and you have to wait until next Monday to get back on track so you might as well just cheat the rest of the week. (I know you guys know what I'm talking about).
I was talking to my buddy Matt Tolbert about this back when I was living in Chicago. It's extremely easy to get into the mindset of "well I sinned so I might as well do the other things I wanted to do during this time of failure". We don't realize that we are expected to sin, and ultimately it is KNOWN by God that we will sin before we even do it. We are not saints. We should not feel the need to be that way either.
Christianity has been twisted into an unrecognizable reflection of its former self. Sure, Christ is still there. Sure, the Bible is still there. But how many people do you know in the church that LIVE how Christ did? (No I'm not saying homeless and broke) but truly learning to love someone for them, not their status or material wealth, and practicing the tenets of love and forgiveness no matter what the price.
Brennan Manning used to say "Christ loves you how you are, and not as you should be". Let that sink in. As. You. Are. Right now. Even after you got mad at the bad driver in front of you coming home from work. Even after you thought about what types of material wealth you could gather if you were Bill Gates. Even after you had pre-marital sex. Even after you lusted after someone on the street. Even after you were prideful in your self-righteousness.
He knows. He knew before he gave His life on the cross for you. However, what does He say to the invalid man that He healed in John? "14 Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinninga or something worse may happen to you.”" (John 5:14) It's right there. From the mouth of Christ. Stop. Sinning.
So why do I have the mentality that one sin can beget another? That I failed, so another sin won't matter? I'm going to do it anyway so I might as well get it over with? I don't honestly know. I don't know if it's a product of our culture. Or if it's a product of us being human. Either way it's something I've decided I need to fix.
As I said before, It's so easy to fall into the "Domino effect". I see these patterns other places in my life as well. This also doesn't happen with positive things, but only negative. It's the typical flesh pushing the boundaries. Just one more. Just another one, it won't hurt. It's sin rearing its ugly head yet again.
It's ok to stop. It's ok to not repeat. It's ok to allow God to change you. It's can be a scary thing becoming a true child of God, but as we can see the rewards in heaven far outweigh the rewards you get here on earth.
I'm going to continue praying about this, and allowing God to change me in this way. Working to be conscious every time I fall into this habit. Over time we CAN change, and if we ask, God WILL change us. I pray that those of you who also fall into this temptation will look to Him for help.
Tune in tomorrow or possibly the next day for another installment in this topic, but more of a progression. I have a lot to say that I thought about over the weekend. As always, thanks for reading and see you next time!
The main thought of this post is "The domino effect of sin". This post obviously pertains mostly to my life considering these are my personal thoughts on the subject, but I would be willing to bet that others have this particular issue as well.
What I mean is that I go along my merry way during the week and feel that I'm doing a pretty good job of avoiding sin (I know this isn't the case, but at least conscious sins), and then I let the flesh win a battle. I say let because truly God does not tempt us beyond our ability to withstand temptation. This may consist of anything such as drinking too much on a given night, or eating too much during a meal.
The result is that this sets off a ripple effect of doing things that I probably wouldn't normally otherwise do. Much like how a "diet" is ruined for the week if you cheat once, and you have to wait until next Monday to get back on track so you might as well just cheat the rest of the week. (I know you guys know what I'm talking about).
I was talking to my buddy Matt Tolbert about this back when I was living in Chicago. It's extremely easy to get into the mindset of "well I sinned so I might as well do the other things I wanted to do during this time of failure". We don't realize that we are expected to sin, and ultimately it is KNOWN by God that we will sin before we even do it. We are not saints. We should not feel the need to be that way either.
Christianity has been twisted into an unrecognizable reflection of its former self. Sure, Christ is still there. Sure, the Bible is still there. But how many people do you know in the church that LIVE how Christ did? (No I'm not saying homeless and broke) but truly learning to love someone for them, not their status or material wealth, and practicing the tenets of love and forgiveness no matter what the price.
Brennan Manning used to say "Christ loves you how you are, and not as you should be". Let that sink in. As. You. Are. Right now. Even after you got mad at the bad driver in front of you coming home from work. Even after you thought about what types of material wealth you could gather if you were Bill Gates. Even after you had pre-marital sex. Even after you lusted after someone on the street. Even after you were prideful in your self-righteousness.
He knows. He knew before he gave His life on the cross for you. However, what does He say to the invalid man that He healed in John? "14 Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinninga or something worse may happen to you.”" (John 5:14) It's right there. From the mouth of Christ. Stop. Sinning.
So why do I have the mentality that one sin can beget another? That I failed, so another sin won't matter? I'm going to do it anyway so I might as well get it over with? I don't honestly know. I don't know if it's a product of our culture. Or if it's a product of us being human. Either way it's something I've decided I need to fix.
As I said before, It's so easy to fall into the "Domino effect". I see these patterns other places in my life as well. This also doesn't happen with positive things, but only negative. It's the typical flesh pushing the boundaries. Just one more. Just another one, it won't hurt. It's sin rearing its ugly head yet again.
It's ok to stop. It's ok to not repeat. It's ok to allow God to change you. It's can be a scary thing becoming a true child of God, but as we can see the rewards in heaven far outweigh the rewards you get here on earth.
I'm going to continue praying about this, and allowing God to change me in this way. Working to be conscious every time I fall into this habit. Over time we CAN change, and if we ask, God WILL change us. I pray that those of you who also fall into this temptation will look to Him for help.
Tune in tomorrow or possibly the next day for another installment in this topic, but more of a progression. I have a lot to say that I thought about over the weekend. As always, thanks for reading and see you next time!
Tuesday, September 12, 2017
More Thoughts
You know, there are many different steps to trusting God. I think everyone has a different path to that as well. For me it was getting out of my comfort zone. I actually had to fight to do this, as everyone and everything in my life was trying to keep me there. It was like uprooting a tree that had been in the soil for years and years and had a strong root system. It took awhile to finally pull the trigger on this, but I had known in the back of my mind for a good length of time that I needed a change.
I'm not talking about a vacation. I'm not talking about a change of scenery. I'm talking about that I felt my struggle with the flesh, and the battle for my spirit would die if I stayed where I was. I was TOO comfortable. It was TOO easy. I had been given everything I could ever want or need without doing any real work. While I believe most people would read that and starting thinking "what an idiot..." (I think that myself sometimes too, but for different reasons lol) I knew this was something I needed to do.
I'm talking about moving to Korea. To be completely honest it probably could have been anywhere in world and it would have had the same result. Most of you reading this already know why I chose Korea so I'm not going to repeat the super long story (it's not really all that long). If you really want to read it, there's a detailed description in my first post on here.
So much has happened since I came here, and I'm ultimately so grateful for this opportunity. It's been, by far, the best experience of my life to date and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Certainly, there have been positives and negatives - and there will be more of those to come - but it's all leading me to be a stronger man, and more importantly bringing me closer to God.
My last post was rather scathing, and I'll be the first to admit I was a tad bit heated up (actually I was really only a bit heated up). I think my purpose here is starting to be revealed to me. Originally I thought it was to help refugees from North Korea once the Kim regime is overthrown (and of course that may still be God's will), but the more time I spend here the more insight I get into Korean culture.
I'm going to focus on Korean culture here, but bear in mind all of our cultures are pretty messed up. It's just that growing up in American culture it's easy to be blind to a lot of our faults, and being passionate about Korean culture, it's easy to pick out flaws. In fact a lot of what I will talk about will probably be applicable to the world anyway so it's whatever.
First of all, I absolutely love it here. People are extremely hospitable, I honestly haven't detected any anti-foreigner or anti-American sentiments, but that could definitely be due to the way I look or what I'm doing here. Either way the main fabric of the community here is very well knit. People take care of each other naturally day to day, at least compared to what I felt in America. It feels good to be a part of.
A lot of it feels superficial though, while still feeling genuine. Let me explain because that's a silly statement. The culture has a resounding unspoken motto of "do good things and you're a good person". In fact that's exactly what Christianity here feels like. I have a feeling Confucianism has a lot to do with that. I have been told multiple times that the culture here has its roots in Confucianism. (Yes I did just link to wikipedia....twice. Deal with it.)
Briefly Confucianism is more of a school of thought than a religion. The belief is to focus more on family and social harmony than on anything supernatural. It's a very humanistic view. Also a major belief is that humans are innately good, and teachable, and ultimately perfectible with enough practice.
Well if this isn't in direct contradiction to the Bible then I don't know what is. Yet the two exist...together. It's clear which has a stronger hold right now. In my last post I mentioned how the largest megachurch in the world is in Seoul. There are a good amount of Christians here, but I feel that the true teachings of the Bible are being missed.
I've had a lot of time to think about it lately, and due to personal reasons of course I have focused a lot on forgiveness, but even besides that I believe that is a main tenet of the Bible. Love and forgiveness.
I feel that here the main belief is that the Bible is ultimately a book of rules to be a good person. Sure Jesus is great, sure God sounds awesome, but really people are good at heart, and therefore all we have to do is do good deeds and everything will be all good. This is such a popular belief, and I've heard this many times in America as well. Just be good to each other and leave each other alone. Very Confucianistic. Very Humanistic.
This couldn't be more contradictory to the main premise of the Bible. We are all sinners that deserve eternal hellfire. Let me repeat that, we are ALL sinners. Yes that includes the pope, yes that includes saint Mary, yes that includes everyone who has ever lived, or will ever live of course minus Jesus. Logically, what was the point of Jesus coming and dying if that's not the case? As he pointed out in the Gospel of Matthew even our thoughts are sinful.
This brings me to love and forgiveness. Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone who wronged him. Jesus answered not 7 times, but 70 times 7 and even more. What a difficult teaching for humans! We are naturally full of vengeance. If someone wrongs us, we want to give them back twice or three times what they did to us! It's only fair right? We are the exactors of justice! Not quite. That is God's job. We should forgive, for "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." (John 8:7) None of us are perfect. We sin all the time. Therefore we should always forgive in love.
Think this is a hard teaching? How about the fact that it's easier to forgive those that you love, and love you. What about those who are unbelievers? How about those heathens and pagans that live in the third world? Surely they don't deserve our forgiveness. Wrong again. This is probably one of the most difficult things to do. I keep thinking back to Steven in scripture who while being stoned to death calls out to God and says "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." (Acts 7:60)
What an incredible act of faith! He believed so adamantly that A) God could ultimately save them even though they had murdered a disciple of "the way" and B) that if not, God would exact justice as only He can. I can only pray for this kind of faith at the moment. As I said yesterday I feel I am getting closer to this, but my flesh still flares up whenever I feel wronged and I can still lash out in anger rather than teach and forgive in love.
Back to my observations. Things are very Pharisaic here. Pharisee's believed that you would be saved through works. They proved this time and time again by praying in large crowded places to gain notoriety from people. They disfigured their faces when fasting, and ALWAYS gave 10% of everything to the church. They lived life perfectly by the "law" and therefore never really lived at all. Jesus condemned them saying "Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean." (Matthew 23:26).
Granted, like I said before this goes for a lot of sectors of Christianity in the world, and unfortunately where Christianity gets most criticized. So many teachings are that you can be saved through "good deeds" and not simply by the grace of Christ coming to die for our sins. It can't be that simple right? Like...all we actually have to do is believe that we are sinners and doomed for destruction, and that Jesus came down from heaven to die on the cross to cover those sins.
Thinking about this simple fact never fails to blow my mind. As I've said in previous posts to the point of tears while looking at the cross. What an incredible love. Can you imagine loving someone so much that you would die for them? How about people that sin against you literally all day everyday? I can maybe imagine dying for a friend or family member, but for someone who hates me and sins against me? Truly amazing.
There's so much else to say but this should suffice for now. Truly love is all encompassing, and can change people. It certainly has done that for me. I have felt Christ's love, and I am changed forever. I now strive to love others with the same love that He has shown me.
Thanks for reading!
I'm not talking about a vacation. I'm not talking about a change of scenery. I'm talking about that I felt my struggle with the flesh, and the battle for my spirit would die if I stayed where I was. I was TOO comfortable. It was TOO easy. I had been given everything I could ever want or need without doing any real work. While I believe most people would read that and starting thinking "what an idiot..." (I think that myself sometimes too, but for different reasons lol) I knew this was something I needed to do.
I'm talking about moving to Korea. To be completely honest it probably could have been anywhere in world and it would have had the same result. Most of you reading this already know why I chose Korea so I'm not going to repeat the super long story (it's not really all that long). If you really want to read it, there's a detailed description in my first post on here.
So much has happened since I came here, and I'm ultimately so grateful for this opportunity. It's been, by far, the best experience of my life to date and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Certainly, there have been positives and negatives - and there will be more of those to come - but it's all leading me to be a stronger man, and more importantly bringing me closer to God.
My last post was rather scathing, and I'll be the first to admit I was a tad bit heated up (actually I was really only a bit heated up). I think my purpose here is starting to be revealed to me. Originally I thought it was to help refugees from North Korea once the Kim regime is overthrown (and of course that may still be God's will), but the more time I spend here the more insight I get into Korean culture.
I'm going to focus on Korean culture here, but bear in mind all of our cultures are pretty messed up. It's just that growing up in American culture it's easy to be blind to a lot of our faults, and being passionate about Korean culture, it's easy to pick out flaws. In fact a lot of what I will talk about will probably be applicable to the world anyway so it's whatever.
First of all, I absolutely love it here. People are extremely hospitable, I honestly haven't detected any anti-foreigner or anti-American sentiments, but that could definitely be due to the way I look or what I'm doing here. Either way the main fabric of the community here is very well knit. People take care of each other naturally day to day, at least compared to what I felt in America. It feels good to be a part of.
A lot of it feels superficial though, while still feeling genuine. Let me explain because that's a silly statement. The culture has a resounding unspoken motto of "do good things and you're a good person". In fact that's exactly what Christianity here feels like. I have a feeling Confucianism has a lot to do with that. I have been told multiple times that the culture here has its roots in Confucianism. (Yes I did just link to wikipedia....twice. Deal with it.)
Briefly Confucianism is more of a school of thought than a religion. The belief is to focus more on family and social harmony than on anything supernatural. It's a very humanistic view. Also a major belief is that humans are innately good, and teachable, and ultimately perfectible with enough practice.
Well if this isn't in direct contradiction to the Bible then I don't know what is. Yet the two exist...together. It's clear which has a stronger hold right now. In my last post I mentioned how the largest megachurch in the world is in Seoul. There are a good amount of Christians here, but I feel that the true teachings of the Bible are being missed.
I've had a lot of time to think about it lately, and due to personal reasons of course I have focused a lot on forgiveness, but even besides that I believe that is a main tenet of the Bible. Love and forgiveness.
I feel that here the main belief is that the Bible is ultimately a book of rules to be a good person. Sure Jesus is great, sure God sounds awesome, but really people are good at heart, and therefore all we have to do is do good deeds and everything will be all good. This is such a popular belief, and I've heard this many times in America as well. Just be good to each other and leave each other alone. Very Confucianistic. Very Humanistic.
This couldn't be more contradictory to the main premise of the Bible. We are all sinners that deserve eternal hellfire. Let me repeat that, we are ALL sinners. Yes that includes the pope, yes that includes saint Mary, yes that includes everyone who has ever lived, or will ever live of course minus Jesus. Logically, what was the point of Jesus coming and dying if that's not the case? As he pointed out in the Gospel of Matthew even our thoughts are sinful.
This brings me to love and forgiveness. Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone who wronged him. Jesus answered not 7 times, but 70 times 7 and even more. What a difficult teaching for humans! We are naturally full of vengeance. If someone wrongs us, we want to give them back twice or three times what they did to us! It's only fair right? We are the exactors of justice! Not quite. That is God's job. We should forgive, for "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." (John 8:7) None of us are perfect. We sin all the time. Therefore we should always forgive in love.
Think this is a hard teaching? How about the fact that it's easier to forgive those that you love, and love you. What about those who are unbelievers? How about those heathens and pagans that live in the third world? Surely they don't deserve our forgiveness. Wrong again. This is probably one of the most difficult things to do. I keep thinking back to Steven in scripture who while being stoned to death calls out to God and says "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." (Acts 7:60)
What an incredible act of faith! He believed so adamantly that A) God could ultimately save them even though they had murdered a disciple of "the way" and B) that if not, God would exact justice as only He can. I can only pray for this kind of faith at the moment. As I said yesterday I feel I am getting closer to this, but my flesh still flares up whenever I feel wronged and I can still lash out in anger rather than teach and forgive in love.
Back to my observations. Things are very Pharisaic here. Pharisee's believed that you would be saved through works. They proved this time and time again by praying in large crowded places to gain notoriety from people. They disfigured their faces when fasting, and ALWAYS gave 10% of everything to the church. They lived life perfectly by the "law" and therefore never really lived at all. Jesus condemned them saying "Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean." (Matthew 23:26).
Granted, like I said before this goes for a lot of sectors of Christianity in the world, and unfortunately where Christianity gets most criticized. So many teachings are that you can be saved through "good deeds" and not simply by the grace of Christ coming to die for our sins. It can't be that simple right? Like...all we actually have to do is believe that we are sinners and doomed for destruction, and that Jesus came down from heaven to die on the cross to cover those sins.
Thinking about this simple fact never fails to blow my mind. As I've said in previous posts to the point of tears while looking at the cross. What an incredible love. Can you imagine loving someone so much that you would die for them? How about people that sin against you literally all day everyday? I can maybe imagine dying for a friend or family member, but for someone who hates me and sins against me? Truly amazing.
There's so much else to say but this should suffice for now. Truly love is all encompassing, and can change people. It certainly has done that for me. I have felt Christ's love, and I am changed forever. I now strive to love others with the same love that He has shown me.
Thanks for reading!
Sunday, September 10, 2017
I haven't posted on here in awhile...
There have been a lot of changes going on in my life during the past few weeks and even months. Most of which I can't even talk about because they're not fully finished yet. I have been caught up with these and haven't really had the time or motivation to keep up with blogging. There have certainly been blog worthy moments, but nothing that I absolutely HAD to post.
Today though was different. I just need an outlet to vent. I can't keep this inside. I'm crushed. I'm absolutely crushed. The worst part is that it's a private matter so I can't even really explain. I have been praying a lot and wondering how this happened. It's kind of difficult to even put into words honestly, which is rare for me, but one thing this has spawned is a lot of thought on how we are meant to act and live as Christians.
I'm going to use Korean culture as an example because right now I'm inundated with it, but truly the entire world acts the same. Here maybe it's a little more obvious, but man if it isn't prevalent the world over. Korea is like social media in real life. Appearance is EVERYTHING. I'm not just talking about physical (though that is EXTREMELY important and sought after). Being successful here with your job/degree and therefore money is so important that people are literally giving up relationships and any thoughts of getting married and having children. Friendships are dropped by the wayside. Your career is your life, and Korea makes this possible.
I never thought I'd actually see a culture that willingly gives themselves to slavery like this. Certainly there have been slaves in the past, and we're all spiritual slaves to sin, but here is another story. The drive to appear perfect is incredible, and almost scary. It's Pharisaic and in direct contradiction to the Bible. Yet Korea has many many large churches and people that would tell you they're "Christian". They just don't live it. The faith is completely cerebral and not emotional. It doesn't get past head knowledge.
The world's largest church is here in South Korea with almost 1 million members. They have over 200,000 people in attendance every weekend. I'm not gonna even begin to speak on the size of the church and what that tends to do to people, right now I'm more concerned with the observed state of faith here.
I've been studying the Gospel through book on tape on all of my bus rides (which are rather long) and doing my best to take in the worlds of Paul and of course Jesus and really live by them. I certainly am doing my best not to judge people and other Christians on their faith, because honestly everyone is at a different part of their walk with Christ...but I just can't help my heart from breaking when I witness the lack of forgiveness and love here. From professed Christians!
I realize that probably a majority of professed Christians truly aren't followers of Christ, but just people who think the Bible is a good set of rules to live by and therefore being a good person is enough. This breaks my heart even more, because it leads to self-righteousness. People who think they're good because they have "good intentions" and "don't treat anyone poorly". Oh what a heart rending sight! Why does the truth evade them! What were they taught?! Who wove this fabric of untruth?! Clearly the Devil is skilled at his craft.
I saw a quote on Facebook the other day (I know, I know) that I believe was from Timothy Keller, and it was something to the effect of "you cannot truly forgive if you think you are above someone else, only when you put yourself on the same level as them can you forgive them". Boy is that quote ever ringing true in my life right now. As with Paul I am daily doing my best to lower myself to the depths of humanity in order to understand, and not feel superior to anyone. I'm not talking about doing illegal things and being bad to people. I'm saying taking my mentality a peg down, realizing that I am absolutely nothing. I am a broken and sinful man. No better than anyone else, and that my heart should; and is starting to be filled with sheer thankfulness and forgiveness, and ultimately love.
But how agonizing it is when other Christians who claim to have the same beliefs don't engage in the very same acts of love that Christ commanded us to give to each other! Forgive! 70 times 7! Especially those who do wrong to you. It's so much easier for those that love you, and that you love. But if you can't forgive even those who love you and that you love, what does that say for you? What kind of exacting person believes that they are so good that they cannot forgive?! Ahhh it's so frustrating! "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Matthew 7:2) Live it!
In the same breath, who am I to judge? Am I not also a sinner who overlooks his actions and thoughts all the time? Have I truly forgiven those that have wronged me? Especially the ones that love me, and that I love? The honest answer is no...but I'm getting closer. Much closer. Everyday I close in on that heart that Christ preached, that Paul had. I will get there. Therefore I can't truly expect anything from anyone else. In fact, all I can truly rely upon is God and the power of Christ dying on the cross for my sins. The fact that everyday I disgrace and dishonor the cross, yet he gladly and graciously covers my sins again. That's true forgiveness. That's true love. I can only hope to emulate that.
Writing this out definitely helps. Speaking out and typing out your thoughts really gets them out there to see if they can stand the test of the weight you put on them. In your head they are always in a safe zone where it's easy to just see your way.
No. I can't expect these things even from Christians, because everyone is at a different point at their walk with God. At the end of the day we're all humans, and at the end of the day we are all sinners. I will continue to spread that message, and pray that God touches the hearts of all that I talk to. Meanwhile growing my own spirit in confidence and meekness. Praying all the while that love and forgiveness win. Thanks for reading.
I'm so broken.
Edit: As an aside I should add that the Korean people as a whole are wonderful people, with great family relationships, generosity, and hospitality built into their culture. I absolutely love living here, and the people here have been nothing but lovely to me. I wanted to make clear that my remarks are geared towards Christians and how we are not living our faith.
Today though was different. I just need an outlet to vent. I can't keep this inside. I'm crushed. I'm absolutely crushed. The worst part is that it's a private matter so I can't even really explain. I have been praying a lot and wondering how this happened. It's kind of difficult to even put into words honestly, which is rare for me, but one thing this has spawned is a lot of thought on how we are meant to act and live as Christians.
I'm going to use Korean culture as an example because right now I'm inundated with it, but truly the entire world acts the same. Here maybe it's a little more obvious, but man if it isn't prevalent the world over. Korea is like social media in real life. Appearance is EVERYTHING. I'm not just talking about physical (though that is EXTREMELY important and sought after). Being successful here with your job/degree and therefore money is so important that people are literally giving up relationships and any thoughts of getting married and having children. Friendships are dropped by the wayside. Your career is your life, and Korea makes this possible.
I never thought I'd actually see a culture that willingly gives themselves to slavery like this. Certainly there have been slaves in the past, and we're all spiritual slaves to sin, but here is another story. The drive to appear perfect is incredible, and almost scary. It's Pharisaic and in direct contradiction to the Bible. Yet Korea has many many large churches and people that would tell you they're "Christian". They just don't live it. The faith is completely cerebral and not emotional. It doesn't get past head knowledge.
The world's largest church is here in South Korea with almost 1 million members. They have over 200,000 people in attendance every weekend. I'm not gonna even begin to speak on the size of the church and what that tends to do to people, right now I'm more concerned with the observed state of faith here.
I've been studying the Gospel through book on tape on all of my bus rides (which are rather long) and doing my best to take in the worlds of Paul and of course Jesus and really live by them. I certainly am doing my best not to judge people and other Christians on their faith, because honestly everyone is at a different part of their walk with Christ...but I just can't help my heart from breaking when I witness the lack of forgiveness and love here. From professed Christians!
I realize that probably a majority of professed Christians truly aren't followers of Christ, but just people who think the Bible is a good set of rules to live by and therefore being a good person is enough. This breaks my heart even more, because it leads to self-righteousness. People who think they're good because they have "good intentions" and "don't treat anyone poorly". Oh what a heart rending sight! Why does the truth evade them! What were they taught?! Who wove this fabric of untruth?! Clearly the Devil is skilled at his craft.
I saw a quote on Facebook the other day (I know, I know) that I believe was from Timothy Keller, and it was something to the effect of "you cannot truly forgive if you think you are above someone else, only when you put yourself on the same level as them can you forgive them". Boy is that quote ever ringing true in my life right now. As with Paul I am daily doing my best to lower myself to the depths of humanity in order to understand, and not feel superior to anyone. I'm not talking about doing illegal things and being bad to people. I'm saying taking my mentality a peg down, realizing that I am absolutely nothing. I am a broken and sinful man. No better than anyone else, and that my heart should; and is starting to be filled with sheer thankfulness and forgiveness, and ultimately love.
But how agonizing it is when other Christians who claim to have the same beliefs don't engage in the very same acts of love that Christ commanded us to give to each other! Forgive! 70 times 7! Especially those who do wrong to you. It's so much easier for those that love you, and that you love. But if you can't forgive even those who love you and that you love, what does that say for you? What kind of exacting person believes that they are so good that they cannot forgive?! Ahhh it's so frustrating! "For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." (Matthew 7:2) Live it!
In the same breath, who am I to judge? Am I not also a sinner who overlooks his actions and thoughts all the time? Have I truly forgiven those that have wronged me? Especially the ones that love me, and that I love? The honest answer is no...but I'm getting closer. Much closer. Everyday I close in on that heart that Christ preached, that Paul had. I will get there. Therefore I can't truly expect anything from anyone else. In fact, all I can truly rely upon is God and the power of Christ dying on the cross for my sins. The fact that everyday I disgrace and dishonor the cross, yet he gladly and graciously covers my sins again. That's true forgiveness. That's true love. I can only hope to emulate that.
Writing this out definitely helps. Speaking out and typing out your thoughts really gets them out there to see if they can stand the test of the weight you put on them. In your head they are always in a safe zone where it's easy to just see your way.
No. I can't expect these things even from Christians, because everyone is at a different point at their walk with God. At the end of the day we're all humans, and at the end of the day we are all sinners. I will continue to spread that message, and pray that God touches the hearts of all that I talk to. Meanwhile growing my own spirit in confidence and meekness. Praying all the while that love and forgiveness win. Thanks for reading.
I'm so broken.
Edit: As an aside I should add that the Korean people as a whole are wonderful people, with great family relationships, generosity, and hospitality built into their culture. I absolutely love living here, and the people here have been nothing but lovely to me. I wanted to make clear that my remarks are geared towards Christians and how we are not living our faith.
Thursday, August 3, 2017
G12 Korea
Hey guys! I know it's been awhile, but I've been really busy (somehow with nothing to do) and also going through some changes to the blog idea. I'm going to start doing vlogs now! Which means I'll be uploading videos to YouTube instead of posting here. I may still use this space for some shorter things, but likely I will be using YouTube more often. I've already posted my first video and here is the URL! https://youtu.be/ht0XBdfDuOw
I hope you get a chance to watch, and I look forward to hearing the feedback! Thanks for reading as always.
I hope you get a chance to watch, and I look forward to hearing the feedback! Thanks for reading as always.
Monday, July 10, 2017
장마 (The rainy season)
Hey guys! I'm back with a lot to say. I've had a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head lately. As I said in my last post, the past week or so has been rough and that hasn't changed. I couldn't think of the name of what the Korean's call the typhoon season here, but there it is; 장마 (Jang Ma), and it's aptly named for this period of my time here.
It's interesting how quickly things can change with humans. How inconsistent we are, and how tied we are to our surroundings. I am certainly no different. I did some reflecting today while at the gym and realized that a big part of my downturn in happiness was from where my priorities were placed. When I was focused solely on God I was unshakeable because he is always constant, and I can lean on, and trust in that. Unfortunately when that feeling of comfort starts to set in, so too does a feeling of complacency.
The best metaphor I can think of right now is that God is driving the car of your life, and you say "alright God that's enough, I think I can handle it from here" and immediately take over the wheel and start drifting off the road. Other things start crowding the place in your heart that was once kept for Jesus. Things like relationships, money, work, family, etc. In fact it was kind of ironic today, while I was working out I put on an old Papa Roach album and a song I love "Between Angels and Insects" (profanity warning) came on which has a lot of the same message.
Truly ANYTHING you put above God is an idol. Think about your daily life, what is your idol? Do you think about your husband/wife more than anything else? How about that dream lake house that you want? Is it your kids? "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:21) Is God your treasure?
Like I said, I struggle with this. Even more so this past week. In my case my treasure tends to be a multitude of things all swooping in and out. One day it's money, the next it's a relationship, the next it's another fantasy. All of these things bring me away from God little by little, for I should be content with what God has given me. Now you may be sitting there saying "well is it wrong to dream a little?", and you're right I thought about this too. I don't think it's wrong to have a goal, however when does that goal become more important than what God has in mind for you?
Now the next step beyond this gets a little complicated. Ok, so God has a plan for me...does that mean I just sit around and do nothing until He reveals it to me? Well of course not, in fact " Idle hands are the devil’s workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece" (Proverbs 16:27-29) This is a quote from an older Bible translation (TLB) but was a rather well known saying when I was growing up. Certainly sitting around with a lot of time on our hands does no good, and I've seen this in my own life. I basically built my life and schedule around having free time so I could relax, and it ended up leading me to deeper and deeper sin including binge drinking and overeating.
I can see this happening right now and the change in me is quite recognizable. The students went home for break, and now I don't have anything scheduled at night. I have class during the day, but as soon as that ends I have a month of basically complete free time at my disposal. I can already feel depression stemming from boredom and lack of direction or sense of purpose. In the past this has led to destructive behavior. Luckily I was prepared for this. I knew that there would be highs and lows for the rest of my life, and to not get comfortable during an upswing. I wanted to just focus on God, and that way everything else in my life was a bonus.
Well I failed on that first part, and thus the second part ceased to be. It's amazing what shuffling your priorities a little bit can do. I'm not here saying that I figured it out or anything, merely that I refocused on God and almost instantly my burdens were lifted off me once again. I felt free. I don't need to worry about getting a car because I trust God to take care of me. I don't have to worry about saving for a house because God will provide.
Now this brings me back to the point I was leading to before. Does this mean we shouldn't work? Of course not! That's just inviting sin into our lives. It's pretty clear that God foresaw this too as his work week is a 6 day week, with the Sabbath being a day off. Also, the harder you work, the more you can appreciate your rest time. So the obvious answer is to just put our nose to the grindstone and work right? I would disagree with this as well. Becoming a workaholic is not going to solve our issues either.
I actually finally understood today why people become workaholics, or why people fall in love with sports. A common saying I hear from the hockey players I've played with is "being on the ice is my sanctuary, where all my problems fade away and it's just me and the game". I can actually understand that feeling now having started to put work in at the gym. You see, the work you do is constant. It's inanimate so you can depend on it. It's not like another person that can let you do or hurt you. You can always create more work, it becomes your purpose and your stability. There's a problem at home? Bury yourself in your work. The world is falling apart? Bury yourself in your work. This is actually very akin to alcoholism. Shutting out the world and your problems by occupying your mind for a certain amount of time.
Of course there are different motivations for this . Not everyone uses work to get away from their problems. Some genuinely feel that they are making a difference for others, and they certainly may be. My point here is; isn't that what God is for? "28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”" (Matthew 11:28-30). God WANTS us to give our problems up to Him. To find rest in Him. To find comfort, and peace in Him.
The hard part is actually trusting Him enough to actually do this. It's much easier to just occupy ourselves with whatever is in front of us. Work, sports, relationships, family, the pursuit of riches. Give it a shot one of these days. Pray a sincere prayer to Him to comfort you, and give you peace. I do this quite often these days, and the feeling of serenity that consequently comes over me is staggering. "Prayer is my sanctuary, where all my problems fade away and it's just me and God."
That's all for right now guys. I think I'm starting to let God take control of the car again and put me back on the right track. Give Him control, and allow Him to do the same for you. Thanks for reading! See you next time!
It's interesting how quickly things can change with humans. How inconsistent we are, and how tied we are to our surroundings. I am certainly no different. I did some reflecting today while at the gym and realized that a big part of my downturn in happiness was from where my priorities were placed. When I was focused solely on God I was unshakeable because he is always constant, and I can lean on, and trust in that. Unfortunately when that feeling of comfort starts to set in, so too does a feeling of complacency.
The best metaphor I can think of right now is that God is driving the car of your life, and you say "alright God that's enough, I think I can handle it from here" and immediately take over the wheel and start drifting off the road. Other things start crowding the place in your heart that was once kept for Jesus. Things like relationships, money, work, family, etc. In fact it was kind of ironic today, while I was working out I put on an old Papa Roach album and a song I love "Between Angels and Insects" (profanity warning) came on which has a lot of the same message.
Truly ANYTHING you put above God is an idol. Think about your daily life, what is your idol? Do you think about your husband/wife more than anything else? How about that dream lake house that you want? Is it your kids? "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." (Matthew 6:21) Is God your treasure?
Like I said, I struggle with this. Even more so this past week. In my case my treasure tends to be a multitude of things all swooping in and out. One day it's money, the next it's a relationship, the next it's another fantasy. All of these things bring me away from God little by little, for I should be content with what God has given me. Now you may be sitting there saying "well is it wrong to dream a little?", and you're right I thought about this too. I don't think it's wrong to have a goal, however when does that goal become more important than what God has in mind for you?
Now the next step beyond this gets a little complicated. Ok, so God has a plan for me...does that mean I just sit around and do nothing until He reveals it to me? Well of course not, in fact " Idle hands are the devil’s workshop; idle lips are his mouthpiece" (Proverbs 16:27-29) This is a quote from an older Bible translation (TLB) but was a rather well known saying when I was growing up. Certainly sitting around with a lot of time on our hands does no good, and I've seen this in my own life. I basically built my life and schedule around having free time so I could relax, and it ended up leading me to deeper and deeper sin including binge drinking and overeating.
I can see this happening right now and the change in me is quite recognizable. The students went home for break, and now I don't have anything scheduled at night. I have class during the day, but as soon as that ends I have a month of basically complete free time at my disposal. I can already feel depression stemming from boredom and lack of direction or sense of purpose. In the past this has led to destructive behavior. Luckily I was prepared for this. I knew that there would be highs and lows for the rest of my life, and to not get comfortable during an upswing. I wanted to just focus on God, and that way everything else in my life was a bonus.
Well I failed on that first part, and thus the second part ceased to be. It's amazing what shuffling your priorities a little bit can do. I'm not here saying that I figured it out or anything, merely that I refocused on God and almost instantly my burdens were lifted off me once again. I felt free. I don't need to worry about getting a car because I trust God to take care of me. I don't have to worry about saving for a house because God will provide.
Now this brings me back to the point I was leading to before. Does this mean we shouldn't work? Of course not! That's just inviting sin into our lives. It's pretty clear that God foresaw this too as his work week is a 6 day week, with the Sabbath being a day off. Also, the harder you work, the more you can appreciate your rest time. So the obvious answer is to just put our nose to the grindstone and work right? I would disagree with this as well. Becoming a workaholic is not going to solve our issues either.
I actually finally understood today why people become workaholics, or why people fall in love with sports. A common saying I hear from the hockey players I've played with is "being on the ice is my sanctuary, where all my problems fade away and it's just me and the game". I can actually understand that feeling now having started to put work in at the gym. You see, the work you do is constant. It's inanimate so you can depend on it. It's not like another person that can let you do or hurt you. You can always create more work, it becomes your purpose and your stability. There's a problem at home? Bury yourself in your work. The world is falling apart? Bury yourself in your work. This is actually very akin to alcoholism. Shutting out the world and your problems by occupying your mind for a certain amount of time.
Of course there are different motivations for this . Not everyone uses work to get away from their problems. Some genuinely feel that they are making a difference for others, and they certainly may be. My point here is; isn't that what God is for? "28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”" (Matthew 11:28-30). God WANTS us to give our problems up to Him. To find rest in Him. To find comfort, and peace in Him.
The hard part is actually trusting Him enough to actually do this. It's much easier to just occupy ourselves with whatever is in front of us. Work, sports, relationships, family, the pursuit of riches. Give it a shot one of these days. Pray a sincere prayer to Him to comfort you, and give you peace. I do this quite often these days, and the feeling of serenity that consequently comes over me is staggering. "Prayer is my sanctuary, where all my problems fade away and it's just me and God."
That's all for right now guys. I think I'm starting to let God take control of the car again and put me back on the right track. Give Him control, and allow Him to do the same for you. Thanks for reading! See you next time!
Monday, July 3, 2017
오랜만이에요 (It's been awhile)
Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Although it's break time, I've found myself still busy somehow. I have a lot of new things going on in life so I'll bring you up to date on them.
It's finally summer here, and they weren't lying about the heat. It hasn't hit the sheer high numbers that Chicago can hit, but it's very humid everyday. They also keep talking about typhoon season coming through. Apparently the rain comes and pounds South Korea for about a week. I still haven't seen anything more than a drizzle save for a 15 minute downpour yesterday at church. I believe them that it's coming, but I still haven't seen it. Maybe I should get an umbrella?
The heat is the kind of heat that makes you not want to do anything. You just sit there and sweat. Despite this, I've actually been hitting the gym harder than ever before. I spend anywhere between 2 and 3 hours a day in there typically. This is a very interesting and strange phenomenon for me considering my entire life has pretty much been devoted to staying away from physical exertion lol. Regardless of being the equivalent of a profession athlete earlier in my life, I was never truly in good shape and my game suffered for it.
I attribute this change to prayer. I have been praying for God to change me and help me enjoy working my body out, and boy has he done it. I am really enjoying the gym and the change of mentality that has gone along with it. I'm so grateful for this truly life changing and life saving gift He has given me.
HOWEVER, all this being said, there are still days I struggle with getting there. I lift hard and it's not always a breeze getting in the mindset for that. Knowing you're going to fail before you even start is a very interesting conundrum. Instead of focusing on succeeding, the key is to focus on improving every time you go. What I mean is this; last week I did squats (my program is 5 sets of 10 reps) and my 5 sets looked like this: (10 reps, 9 reps, 8 reps, 7 reps, 5 reps). Today I went in knowing that I physically probably wasn't capable of doing 5 sets of 10 reps, but I did know that I could get at least 2 sets of 10 reps and maybe 3. That was the goal I set and went for. This can be a great metaphor for life itself and building anything really. A business for example doesn't just happen, there are many steps and failures involved. You have to continue to push forward and eventually, you might just reach your goal. Your goal might not even look the same at that point, but that's how we learn and grow.
So back to the struggling part. You know, God puts things in our lives at the right time and sometimes we don't even realize it. On Saturday coming home on the bus I decided to put on my New Testament book on tape (a gift from my boy Matt Gates that is truly the gift that keeps on giving). I listened through the first 20 or so chapters of Matthew and came up with a few questions for my dad who loves Bible trivia and always asks me to come up with questions for him. Well this time I did. My first question was "Since there are 14 generations from Adam to David, and 14 generations from David to the Exile to Babylon, and 14 generations from the Exile to Babylon to Jesus, what is the significance of the Exile to Babylon?". Now my church and I have been through the Old Testament past the point of the Exile so I know what it is, but why is it so significant that it would break up the line of David down to Jesus by an extra 14 generations? Was the punishment that important? Well my dad of course answered well as he is well versed in the Word, and the short answer is that yes it was a punishment that in fact most of Israel never made it back from. A remnant of Judah finally came back to Jerusalem and re-created Israel.
The second question was a little more simple, "When John the Baptist baptized Jesus, the people saw the Spirit of God descend onto Jesus, so did Jesus not have the Spirit before that?". Simple answer is that he was born of the Spirit of God, but that it was an event for the people that showed the trinity on earth together. (Shout out to my Dad's YouTube channel with multiple sermon's that are excellent. If you're at all interested you should go check it out.)
This led my dad to continue onto the 40 days and nights that Jesus spent in the dessert with the Devil tempting him. The big lesson here is that the Devil will always come tempt you when you are at your weakest. That's a pretty scary thought, and will really test our dedication to the Lord.
I experienced this today without even realizing it. I skipped class today. I used the excuse that I didn't sleep well last night, and that if I went to class I would come back to the dorm and sleep and it would throw my entire schedule off since I had an appointment at 5pm. I knew that I probably wouldn't get to the gym today. What a weak excuse. I could have gone to class and been sleepy and figured it out. I really need to toughen up, but besides that my appointment was canceled and I ended up literally haven't nothing on my docket for the day. I stayed in bed and slept instead of class, and fell into old habits almost immediately. I started watching video games and feeling lazy. I started playing games on my iPad and debating not going to the gym.
This is when I realized that the Devil was trying to derail me. I didn't even realize I was in a weak state at that point, but I was falling into all the old bad habits that I had gotten rid of since coming here. I didn't even really know why, but I immediately started to pray. I asked God to calm my spirit and give me the strength to stay on track.
I wish I could say that I was miraculously swept off my feet onto a cloud to the gym and given energy like never before. That didn't happen haha, but I did go to the gym. Mostly because I realized that if I didn't go today tomorrow would be even more backed up. But that was enough, after I got there the competitive spirit kicked in and I worked as hard as ever.
Things have slowed down here for summer vacation, and without knowing it I sort of became lonely. I have class, but none of the other students really speak English, and we aren't good enough in Korean to carry a long deep conversation together. My roommate and other RA's work 9-5 in the K-PACE center so I'm kind of left on my own. I don't have a car and campus is really empty.
That being said, I don't feel all that lonely, just sometimes it creeps up on me. Not being busy will really do that to you. Instead of regressing into destructive behavior though, this has led me to be more dependent on God. I'm learning everyday how important it is to have Him at the center of your life. No person, or thing can ever fill the void in your heart. You must allow God to be your satisfaction. People, no matter how much they love you or care about you WILL let you down. It's just human nature, we're flawed and sinful people. Therefore looking to someone else or something else to fill that void inside of you will leave you even more empty and searching for something else for fulfillment.
I am constantly being reminded of this, and really doing my best to learn to put the blinders on and only look at God for this purpose. The other bonus of that is interpersonal as opposed to intra-personal. Once you are fulfilled by your relationship with God, other things in life are just a bonus. A nice car, a nice house, a wife and family are all gifts from God that you can appreciate and enjoy, but realize they could be gone tomorrow. Job is a great example of this, and how important your faith is to be your foundation.
I had another dream last night. (Gater if you read this feel free to interpret for me). I was in the middle of a city on the water. I would have to guess the water was the ocean, and the building types were definitely not American, though I can't place what type they would be. In the middle of this lit up and busy city was a gated off area that served as a prison. This prison was made of grass and rock, and had a mountain path leading up to the top. It was just as tall at the top as the buildings that surrounded it. It had string light electricity, so clearly not as advanced technologically as the city that surrounded it, yet it still fit in the landscape.
I had a mission at this prison. The electricity and water had ceased to run, and the people had disappeared. I could feel that they were still there, but maybe hiding due to tough circumstances. Possibly a feeling of self preservation. My mission was to get this prison back up and running. I knew exactly where the transformer was to get the electricity back on, but I had to be sneaky because of the guards (who were nonexistent but maybe hiding?). So I moved quietly and stealthily and quickly up this mountainous prison. The transformer was at the top of the path, and I succeeded in my mission to get the lights back on and water running (don't ask me how both were connected the main idea was the electricity). As SOON as I flipped the switch I knew I had to get out of there ASAP. I could hear prisoners and guards springing back to life, and knew the guards were coming up the path to the top.
Well what do you know? I was on top of a mountain in the middle of a city, and it just so happened I was given a hang glider. I have never ridden a hang glider, nor have I even thought about or seen one in the past few years but there it was nonetheless. So I took off running off the side of the mountain and trusted in the hang glider. In my dream I was praying to God, and knew I was completely trusting Him by using this.
The ride I took on the hang glider was one of the most surreal things I have ever had happen to me. I've had a few of these dreams in the past that seemed more real than reality. I'm not joking when I say that I could fully feel the wind against my body, and smell the water and FEEL my stomach drop as I went up and down on the wind. I went from the mountain prison to one of the near-ish buildings and continued to run across the roof of the building with the plan to jump off and continue on my way. I jumped off that building and the wind took me towards the water where I ended up landing safely. I remember being able to see the city in my mind from an aerial view, and everything was lit up and seemed to be restored to normal working order.
That was it. What a crazy experience. Anyways, I'm looking for a used car. Unfortunately I'm not all that experienced with cars so I'll need a mechanic to go with me and look at whatever car I decide on. Cars seem to be pretty expensive here despite the fact that everyone seems to want a new car, and there are 3 domestic car manufacturers here. Car insurance is also expensive. Gas is also very very expensive. The problem is I need this car to start a part time job in September once I'm eligible (after my initial 6 months probation on a student visa). I've been praying about it and I'm sure God will provide what I need. Maybe that's what the dream was about! He's gonna give me a hang glider to get there! Haha, that would be a wild story to come home with.
In other news I paid the entrance fee for the G12 summit/conference I talked about in my last post. I want to see what it's actually about so that I can first hand pray and decide if this is something good, or that we should be afraid of. Regardless of what happens, I know that God will use everything to His glory either way.
Otherwise there are only 4 weeks left of Korean class for this semester. After that I get about a month off before the K-PACE students come back, and we get to do it all again! It's not looking like I'll have the money to travel like I wanted to, but that's ok. I'll probably end up hitting the gym, and seeing some places domestically here.
Overall I'm still really enjoying my time here. I'm so grateful for all that God has given me. I keep telling people that I literally left everything to come here for next to nothing, completely trusting Him. I had a great job and was almost finished with my MBA back in Chicago when I felt God put it in my heart to come here. I came here with nothing, and he has been sustaining me just as I have asked for in prayer. I look forward to continuing my adventures for the next 8-9 months here.
Thanks everyone for reading! I'll try to post more often! Leave comments or questions if you have them.
It's finally summer here, and they weren't lying about the heat. It hasn't hit the sheer high numbers that Chicago can hit, but it's very humid everyday. They also keep talking about typhoon season coming through. Apparently the rain comes and pounds South Korea for about a week. I still haven't seen anything more than a drizzle save for a 15 minute downpour yesterday at church. I believe them that it's coming, but I still haven't seen it. Maybe I should get an umbrella?
The heat is the kind of heat that makes you not want to do anything. You just sit there and sweat. Despite this, I've actually been hitting the gym harder than ever before. I spend anywhere between 2 and 3 hours a day in there typically. This is a very interesting and strange phenomenon for me considering my entire life has pretty much been devoted to staying away from physical exertion lol. Regardless of being the equivalent of a profession athlete earlier in my life, I was never truly in good shape and my game suffered for it.
I attribute this change to prayer. I have been praying for God to change me and help me enjoy working my body out, and boy has he done it. I am really enjoying the gym and the change of mentality that has gone along with it. I'm so grateful for this truly life changing and life saving gift He has given me.
HOWEVER, all this being said, there are still days I struggle with getting there. I lift hard and it's not always a breeze getting in the mindset for that. Knowing you're going to fail before you even start is a very interesting conundrum. Instead of focusing on succeeding, the key is to focus on improving every time you go. What I mean is this; last week I did squats (my program is 5 sets of 10 reps) and my 5 sets looked like this: (10 reps, 9 reps, 8 reps, 7 reps, 5 reps). Today I went in knowing that I physically probably wasn't capable of doing 5 sets of 10 reps, but I did know that I could get at least 2 sets of 10 reps and maybe 3. That was the goal I set and went for. This can be a great metaphor for life itself and building anything really. A business for example doesn't just happen, there are many steps and failures involved. You have to continue to push forward and eventually, you might just reach your goal. Your goal might not even look the same at that point, but that's how we learn and grow.
So back to the struggling part. You know, God puts things in our lives at the right time and sometimes we don't even realize it. On Saturday coming home on the bus I decided to put on my New Testament book on tape (a gift from my boy Matt Gates that is truly the gift that keeps on giving). I listened through the first 20 or so chapters of Matthew and came up with a few questions for my dad who loves Bible trivia and always asks me to come up with questions for him. Well this time I did. My first question was "Since there are 14 generations from Adam to David, and 14 generations from David to the Exile to Babylon, and 14 generations from the Exile to Babylon to Jesus, what is the significance of the Exile to Babylon?". Now my church and I have been through the Old Testament past the point of the Exile so I know what it is, but why is it so significant that it would break up the line of David down to Jesus by an extra 14 generations? Was the punishment that important? Well my dad of course answered well as he is well versed in the Word, and the short answer is that yes it was a punishment that in fact most of Israel never made it back from. A remnant of Judah finally came back to Jerusalem and re-created Israel.
The second question was a little more simple, "When John the Baptist baptized Jesus, the people saw the Spirit of God descend onto Jesus, so did Jesus not have the Spirit before that?". Simple answer is that he was born of the Spirit of God, but that it was an event for the people that showed the trinity on earth together. (Shout out to my Dad's YouTube channel with multiple sermon's that are excellent. If you're at all interested you should go check it out.)
This led my dad to continue onto the 40 days and nights that Jesus spent in the dessert with the Devil tempting him. The big lesson here is that the Devil will always come tempt you when you are at your weakest. That's a pretty scary thought, and will really test our dedication to the Lord.
I experienced this today without even realizing it. I skipped class today. I used the excuse that I didn't sleep well last night, and that if I went to class I would come back to the dorm and sleep and it would throw my entire schedule off since I had an appointment at 5pm. I knew that I probably wouldn't get to the gym today. What a weak excuse. I could have gone to class and been sleepy and figured it out. I really need to toughen up, but besides that my appointment was canceled and I ended up literally haven't nothing on my docket for the day. I stayed in bed and slept instead of class, and fell into old habits almost immediately. I started watching video games and feeling lazy. I started playing games on my iPad and debating not going to the gym.
This is when I realized that the Devil was trying to derail me. I didn't even realize I was in a weak state at that point, but I was falling into all the old bad habits that I had gotten rid of since coming here. I didn't even really know why, but I immediately started to pray. I asked God to calm my spirit and give me the strength to stay on track.
I wish I could say that I was miraculously swept off my feet onto a cloud to the gym and given energy like never before. That didn't happen haha, but I did go to the gym. Mostly because I realized that if I didn't go today tomorrow would be even more backed up. But that was enough, after I got there the competitive spirit kicked in and I worked as hard as ever.
Things have slowed down here for summer vacation, and without knowing it I sort of became lonely. I have class, but none of the other students really speak English, and we aren't good enough in Korean to carry a long deep conversation together. My roommate and other RA's work 9-5 in the K-PACE center so I'm kind of left on my own. I don't have a car and campus is really empty.
That being said, I don't feel all that lonely, just sometimes it creeps up on me. Not being busy will really do that to you. Instead of regressing into destructive behavior though, this has led me to be more dependent on God. I'm learning everyday how important it is to have Him at the center of your life. No person, or thing can ever fill the void in your heart. You must allow God to be your satisfaction. People, no matter how much they love you or care about you WILL let you down. It's just human nature, we're flawed and sinful people. Therefore looking to someone else or something else to fill that void inside of you will leave you even more empty and searching for something else for fulfillment.
I am constantly being reminded of this, and really doing my best to learn to put the blinders on and only look at God for this purpose. The other bonus of that is interpersonal as opposed to intra-personal. Once you are fulfilled by your relationship with God, other things in life are just a bonus. A nice car, a nice house, a wife and family are all gifts from God that you can appreciate and enjoy, but realize they could be gone tomorrow. Job is a great example of this, and how important your faith is to be your foundation.
I had another dream last night. (Gater if you read this feel free to interpret for me). I was in the middle of a city on the water. I would have to guess the water was the ocean, and the building types were definitely not American, though I can't place what type they would be. In the middle of this lit up and busy city was a gated off area that served as a prison. This prison was made of grass and rock, and had a mountain path leading up to the top. It was just as tall at the top as the buildings that surrounded it. It had string light electricity, so clearly not as advanced technologically as the city that surrounded it, yet it still fit in the landscape.
I had a mission at this prison. The electricity and water had ceased to run, and the people had disappeared. I could feel that they were still there, but maybe hiding due to tough circumstances. Possibly a feeling of self preservation. My mission was to get this prison back up and running. I knew exactly where the transformer was to get the electricity back on, but I had to be sneaky because of the guards (who were nonexistent but maybe hiding?). So I moved quietly and stealthily and quickly up this mountainous prison. The transformer was at the top of the path, and I succeeded in my mission to get the lights back on and water running (don't ask me how both were connected the main idea was the electricity). As SOON as I flipped the switch I knew I had to get out of there ASAP. I could hear prisoners and guards springing back to life, and knew the guards were coming up the path to the top.
Well what do you know? I was on top of a mountain in the middle of a city, and it just so happened I was given a hang glider. I have never ridden a hang glider, nor have I even thought about or seen one in the past few years but there it was nonetheless. So I took off running off the side of the mountain and trusted in the hang glider. In my dream I was praying to God, and knew I was completely trusting Him by using this.
The ride I took on the hang glider was one of the most surreal things I have ever had happen to me. I've had a few of these dreams in the past that seemed more real than reality. I'm not joking when I say that I could fully feel the wind against my body, and smell the water and FEEL my stomach drop as I went up and down on the wind. I went from the mountain prison to one of the near-ish buildings and continued to run across the roof of the building with the plan to jump off and continue on my way. I jumped off that building and the wind took me towards the water where I ended up landing safely. I remember being able to see the city in my mind from an aerial view, and everything was lit up and seemed to be restored to normal working order.
That was it. What a crazy experience. Anyways, I'm looking for a used car. Unfortunately I'm not all that experienced with cars so I'll need a mechanic to go with me and look at whatever car I decide on. Cars seem to be pretty expensive here despite the fact that everyone seems to want a new car, and there are 3 domestic car manufacturers here. Car insurance is also expensive. Gas is also very very expensive. The problem is I need this car to start a part time job in September once I'm eligible (after my initial 6 months probation on a student visa). I've been praying about it and I'm sure God will provide what I need. Maybe that's what the dream was about! He's gonna give me a hang glider to get there! Haha, that would be a wild story to come home with.
In other news I paid the entrance fee for the G12 summit/conference I talked about in my last post. I want to see what it's actually about so that I can first hand pray and decide if this is something good, or that we should be afraid of. Regardless of what happens, I know that God will use everything to His glory either way.
Otherwise there are only 4 weeks left of Korean class for this semester. After that I get about a month off before the K-PACE students come back, and we get to do it all again! It's not looking like I'll have the money to travel like I wanted to, but that's ok. I'll probably end up hitting the gym, and seeing some places domestically here.
Overall I'm still really enjoying my time here. I'm so grateful for all that God has given me. I keep telling people that I literally left everything to come here for next to nothing, completely trusting Him. I had a great job and was almost finished with my MBA back in Chicago when I felt God put it in my heart to come here. I came here with nothing, and he has been sustaining me just as I have asked for in prayer. I look forward to continuing my adventures for the next 8-9 months here.
Thanks everyone for reading! I'll try to post more often! Leave comments or questions if you have them.
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