I was walking down the street the other day and couldn't help thinking about prayer. What an amazing thing. The ability to communicate personally with the creator of the universe. Honestly it seems too good to be true, and a lot of people fall into that trap. If you believe in the Bible, then you believe that God loves us so much that He sent His only son to die on the cross for US. Obviously if you don't believe, then this is impossible.
My point today is less about the validity of this, and more about the content of our prayers. This will be a rather short post (hopefully) haha. I had a small revelation about what people pray about. Think about it, do you pray for health? Do you pray for financial gain? For things of this world? I definitely do. While God already knows what we are going to ask for before we even ask (Matthew 6:8), we are still encouraged to ask anything our hearts desire with the promise that God will fulfill this.
Now a big "gotcha" point that a lot of non-believers try to point to is how God never actually "answers" prayer. You get the scenario of the aunt or grandma that had cancer, and even though the family prayed and prayed, well, she just didn't get any better. BAM GOTCHA, proof that God doesn't exist? Right? RIGHT?! I don't agree.
First of all let me start with my own experience. There are many prayers that I send up everyday without even giving them a second thought. "Lord please have today go smoothly, I have a rough schedule" "Please help my ears be unplugged" etc etc etc. So many times these things are given to me and I don't even accredit them to God. I can easily justify anything away with logic. "Oh the kids were in a good mood today, so it felt easy" "I went up a mountain today so the altitude helped pop my ears".
It's not that I'm even thinking to discredit God, I just don't even connect 2 and 2 that I had prayed about it, and my prayers were answered. Sure sure, I know what you're thinking, it's a coincidence. You're projecting onto God and stuffs. Nah bro, I see Him in my life. Of course I don't physically see Him (if I did then I would have to die, see Israel when Moses went up the mount of Sinai), but I look for Him in my life, and I see true evidence.
Beyond this it is my true belief that God answers prayers when the timing is best for us. Think about it, even in a logical argument, is someone that's asking for $1,000,000 probably ready to actually receive $1,000,000? Even if they're homeless and without food, someone with that type of prayer in mind doesn't have the right attitude to come before God. Their priorities are wrong, and even if God granted their request, they wouldn't appreciate it.
Praying for health is not so much different in my opinion, it's all part of prosperity Gospel. I've had conversations with friends about this topic, and while it's a tough pill to swallow sometimes (no pun intended), if you believe, God has full knowledge and power, and allows certain situations to happen using that which we do not possess.
I think a lot of times people get WAYYYY too caught up in this life, and how important it is to them. Am I saying I don't value my life here? No, of course not. But you have to understand that God sees past this life, into eternity. Is someone passing from this earth sad? Yes, to those of us who lose that connection, however, if that person has earned salvation then there is no real reason to be sad. Did God allow that situation where your aunt passed from cancer to allow you to grow closer to Him? Did you?
Or maybe the opposite happened, you became near sighted and angry at God. Your heart became hard, and therefore showed your true nature towards God. There are many examples of this in the Bible, not un-notable would be the pharaoh of Egypt hardening his heart towards letting the Israelites go. Did God actively go into his heart and make it so he said no? No, but he allowed the situation to arise where pharaoh would have the chance to fall into his own denial.
Look closer at your prayer life, and what you pray for. "For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." (Matthew 6:21) I know I have.
Anyways, thanks for reading everyone! I'll definitely post again soon, take care!
Thursday, May 10, 2018
Monday, May 7, 2018
Desire and Discipline
Hey guys! As per usual it's been awhile. I hope to remedy that however. I am searching for a way to put my thoughts into words more consistently. I'll be fully honest, I have many many thoughts that go unwritten or recorded because I think about the effort and time it will take to put them into my blog and it's overwhelming.
Now I realize how selfish this point of view is, especially considering that as my blog has become more spiritual in nature, it has become less for my benefit and more for you, the reader's, benefit. I feel that God has given me this as part of my calling. I don't know if it's to be my only focus (I highly doubt it based on my history of having "career ADD" lol) but if it is then I will do my best to do it as well as I can.
You see, my motivation tends to come in waves. I am an extremely emotional person in that sense. I assume that there are many people this way, and I am just immature in my work ethic. This is something that I'm continually learning about myself. Things came relatively easy to me growing up, therefore I never had to work too hard for them. So now, more and more in my life I see myself just throwing to the side anything that I have to think hard about or work hard for. What a horrible horrible way to live. What a great way to never truly appreciate anything all that much.
Anyways, my plan is to write short posts each day on a given topic. I already have at least a week's worth of topics to write on. Otherwise as I said, I tend to think about how long the post will end up being, because I just have so much to say. As I write this, things are already getting too lengthy so I will do my best to sum up. I assume that you guys will also appreciate smaller, easier to digest posts.
My relationship with God has been a roller coaster lately. I start to press into Him, and He gives me the revelation that I ask for, and then soon after I become scared. I become overwhelmed with what I'm learning. I understand what it takes to go deep into faith, and my flesh is still holding onto this notion that I still want something to do with the world. I'm afraid to let go of the desires of money, and a nice house, and nice cars, etc.
I don't even really know why at this point. I don't really care all that much about those things anymore, yet I still pull back. It's like checking the water. I put my toe in, and then instantly pull back out. Anyways, my topic for today is being overwhelmed by God.
Personally I feel that my own reservations are nothing compared with that which the disciples must have felt after Jesus was taken from them. How overwhelming must it have been to know you have to write about the life of the Christ? I assume that's why it took a few of them so long to even be done. Writing a few lines each day is nothing compared to that. While my feelings are still valid, and I am subject to them, what I'm saying is that I need to push through them. I need to pray. I need God to help me with my desire and discipline.
Amen.
Thanks for reading! As I've promised a few times prior, I hope to be putting out much more consistent blog posts now. I have begun to eliminate a lot of the distractions from my life, and I feel much more in control now. I feel that I will be able to continue on what I've started.
As always, feel free to leave comments or questions! I love to hear from you guys. Talk to you soon!
Now I realize how selfish this point of view is, especially considering that as my blog has become more spiritual in nature, it has become less for my benefit and more for you, the reader's, benefit. I feel that God has given me this as part of my calling. I don't know if it's to be my only focus (I highly doubt it based on my history of having "career ADD" lol) but if it is then I will do my best to do it as well as I can.
You see, my motivation tends to come in waves. I am an extremely emotional person in that sense. I assume that there are many people this way, and I am just immature in my work ethic. This is something that I'm continually learning about myself. Things came relatively easy to me growing up, therefore I never had to work too hard for them. So now, more and more in my life I see myself just throwing to the side anything that I have to think hard about or work hard for. What a horrible horrible way to live. What a great way to never truly appreciate anything all that much.
Anyways, my plan is to write short posts each day on a given topic. I already have at least a week's worth of topics to write on. Otherwise as I said, I tend to think about how long the post will end up being, because I just have so much to say. As I write this, things are already getting too lengthy so I will do my best to sum up. I assume that you guys will also appreciate smaller, easier to digest posts.
My relationship with God has been a roller coaster lately. I start to press into Him, and He gives me the revelation that I ask for, and then soon after I become scared. I become overwhelmed with what I'm learning. I understand what it takes to go deep into faith, and my flesh is still holding onto this notion that I still want something to do with the world. I'm afraid to let go of the desires of money, and a nice house, and nice cars, etc.
I don't even really know why at this point. I don't really care all that much about those things anymore, yet I still pull back. It's like checking the water. I put my toe in, and then instantly pull back out. Anyways, my topic for today is being overwhelmed by God.
Personally I feel that my own reservations are nothing compared with that which the disciples must have felt after Jesus was taken from them. How overwhelming must it have been to know you have to write about the life of the Christ? I assume that's why it took a few of them so long to even be done. Writing a few lines each day is nothing compared to that. While my feelings are still valid, and I am subject to them, what I'm saying is that I need to push through them. I need to pray. I need God to help me with my desire and discipline.
Amen.
Thanks for reading! As I've promised a few times prior, I hope to be putting out much more consistent blog posts now. I have begun to eliminate a lot of the distractions from my life, and I feel much more in control now. I feel that I will be able to continue on what I've started.
As always, feel free to leave comments or questions! I love to hear from you guys. Talk to you soon!
Sunday, March 18, 2018
One Year Anniversary
So I wanted to write this post yesterday, on the day of my one year anniversary of arriving here, but the day got pretty busy. Therefore, I'm going to treat this post as if I wrote it yesterday. There's been a lot going on in my mind since the last post, and I'm excited to share it with you guys.
First of all, I think I've finally past my "What are other Christians doing that's wrong" phase (of course not completely, we all have our downfalls). I feel that this phase inevitably comes with a young faith. We are taught in school to take what we learn and apply it to the world around us. There isn't a whole lot of concentration on introspection.
Therefore, a young (young in the length of time sense) Christian who is just learning about the Bible, and/or his/her own faith will be excited to see how they can help others. I mean...that IS the point of the Bible right? Helping others?
Well, not necessarily. That's certainly a point. A big one. But, Jesus taught us all a LOT about internal thoughts and sin. I think that I'm getting to the stage where I can really start to apply these teachings to myself, and begin to (with His help of course) change myself into a true Christian.
I'm not saying we can't see others and understand that there are things wrong with what they're doing, or see a culture of Christianity in another region of the world and realize it doesn't lend itself towards true belief. However, I think the outlook of criticism and unhelpful condemnation is where a lot of us go wrong.
A lot of this stems from my reading of Matthew 7:5 where Jesus says "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." How easy is it for us, as humans, to overlook our own shortcomings and think only of what we see in others.
It's like trying to teach someone to do a math proof, when you can't do it yourself. If you don't fully understand what Jesus is saying, you can't practice it. And if you can't practice it, you can't teach it to someone else, or even more importantly - be an example to them.
The days are coming where we, as Christians really need to step up our game. We can call ourselves Christians, and profess our faiths all we want, but if we don't make changes to begin living it, then we are in fact, also hypocrites. My outlook, not only personal, but in the world will be turning inward.
As Paul says in Corinthians 5:10 "...not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world." In this passage he is talking about how if we were to separate ourselves from all sinners, we would have to leave this world completely. No, we actually don't have to worry about the world, and what it's doing.
We're not here to fix the sins of our world. Though I admit many times that's how I feel, that justice needs to be served, and my job is to serve it. How can I fight against social injustice? How about financial, or even physical injustice? I need to remember that is God's job, and truthfully that's a relief. That's something we can find solace in. He is coming, and He will exact true justice. Not mine, or anyone else's skewed/biased form. Let that relax you. Let it give you serenity!
I haven't been going to church lately. It's probably been about a month. I really need to fix this. I need fellowship. Everyone does. I've been working 6 days a week, and I just don't have the energy on Sundays. I keep thinking about how the Lord's week is a 6 day week, with 1 day (The Sabbath) for rest. I have to be honest, going to church does not feel like a rest.
I can't quite pinpoint why either. It could be the 1 hour+ round trip, or the fact that I feel that I'm inconveniencing someone who has to translate for me every time I come. Or that it takes at least 4 hours out of my day. I imagine that I'm really looking at this the wrong way though. I should be thinking of the positives. The encouragement I can bring to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Something they desperately need. Or that I should be grateful for the chance to joyously praise God's name without fear or persecution. Or truly that I should just be so excited to get into God's house at the end of a long hard frustrating week and be rejuvenated, and refilled with His love and Holy Spirit.
I certainly know that I feel much better after I go every time. I do feel rested, and relaxed, and rejuvenated. I need to focus more on this, and be less stingy with my free time. This is something I will continue to pray about, and I know the Lord will fill my heart with desire, and dedication.
It has also come to my attention that I don't fear God enough. I came to this conclusion in a strange place. I was using the bathroom in an empty elementary school here after finishing my classes, and I just had a weird thought about how the door could fly open with a giant gust of wind (like in the movies lol) with God standing there, and how I would react. I thought about the Israelites in the desert. I thought about Moses who had actually come into God's presence. I was rightfully terrified.
Being 6'6" and big my entire life, I think it's easy to fall into a sense of self-security. I've never trained for any kind of fighting in my life, but I've never had to worry about it because everyone that sees me tends to not want to challenge me to anything. It's easy to just be complacent. But in the presence of God, I would be helpless. I thought about the sins that I would be confronted with.
THEN I thought about something that filled me with dread. How I treat an incredible loving, self-sacrificing God almost every day. How I can literally be desiring something in my heart (lusting, drinking, over eating), think about God, know that I can pray for this desire to pass, AND INSTEAD, STILL do what I was planning. How incredibly purposely disrespectful. I can't imagine the anger I would have with myself if I was God.
The amount of sheer complacency, and audacity to continue to sin even after weighing the alternatives of doing what is right - and learning to lean on God for the power to deny my flesh - is absolutely unbelievable. I understand that I can't deny my flesh by myself, that I need God. But I still am the one making the decision. I really need to fear God more.
I think in this day and age where things like miracles, and healing seem like fantasy, it's easy to just overlook the true magnitude of our existence. To downplay the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. I think it's time to get on my knees again, and praise the one true God, the creator of life, and everything in existence.
Lastly, I want to share something on a happy note. As I talked about in my last post, I walked past a man that looked homeless, and had a introspective look afterwards. Friday night after work, I went to the local train station here to meet a friend who was coming in for the weekend. It was a cold night, and in the doorway I saw a man on his hands and knees, face down to the cement with a donation jar in front of him.
He had no shoes on, and his feet showed that he hadn't just taken them off and hidden them somewhere to gain more sympathy. I instantly felt compassion for him. I'm grateful that God put this in my heart. I had no thought of myself, and I wanted to help him. Unfortunately I had no cash with me. I asked my friend, and they had only a small amount of cash. I decided we should get him some shoes.
As I mentioned last time, there is a stigma in the U.S. that homeless people use money for drugs or alcohol, and I would imagine it's similar here. We went to go buy shoes and socks for this man, and found some at a store about a 10 min walk away. We came back, and some people were giving the man some cash, which was good to see. I wanted to ask if he wanted some food, but he was pretty unresponsive to anyone talking to him. He just kept his face to the ground.
I don't know if it was some kind of act, or if he doesn't want people to talk to him, but it could also be complete and utter humiliation. I can't imagine how broken you would have to be to beg from others. I can totally understand him not wanting to show his face. He might also not be in the greatest physical condition.
I went over and patted him on the back and tried to give him the shoes and socks. My friend who is Korean told him that we had shoes for him, and he made a move a little, but didn't do much. I left the shoes and socks next to him, as I didn't want to force him to accept them. I hope that they helped him out.
A lot of people say that there is never something for nothing. Meaning, when you do a good deed, you get satisfaction out of it as well. I can certainly say that afterwards I felt good. I was happy that I could help, and even more happy and grateful that God put it in my heart to get this man some footwear. It was like I was on a mission, there was no stopping me. I would call it less of self satisfaction though. I didn't feel that I had accomplished something. I felt that God had started training me more for what I am to do in the future. I'm glad he could use it to help someone else, who appeared to be in great need.
As always I'm grateful for all who read these. I hope to be an encouragement to other Christians, and salt and light to the world. Talk to you guys again soon!
First of all, I think I've finally past my "What are other Christians doing that's wrong" phase (of course not completely, we all have our downfalls). I feel that this phase inevitably comes with a young faith. We are taught in school to take what we learn and apply it to the world around us. There isn't a whole lot of concentration on introspection.
Therefore, a young (young in the length of time sense) Christian who is just learning about the Bible, and/or his/her own faith will be excited to see how they can help others. I mean...that IS the point of the Bible right? Helping others?
Well, not necessarily. That's certainly a point. A big one. But, Jesus taught us all a LOT about internal thoughts and sin. I think that I'm getting to the stage where I can really start to apply these teachings to myself, and begin to (with His help of course) change myself into a true Christian.
I'm not saying we can't see others and understand that there are things wrong with what they're doing, or see a culture of Christianity in another region of the world and realize it doesn't lend itself towards true belief. However, I think the outlook of criticism and unhelpful condemnation is where a lot of us go wrong.
A lot of this stems from my reading of Matthew 7:5 where Jesus says "You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye." How easy is it for us, as humans, to overlook our own shortcomings and think only of what we see in others.
It's like trying to teach someone to do a math proof, when you can't do it yourself. If you don't fully understand what Jesus is saying, you can't practice it. And if you can't practice it, you can't teach it to someone else, or even more importantly - be an example to them.
The days are coming where we, as Christians really need to step up our game. We can call ourselves Christians, and profess our faiths all we want, but if we don't make changes to begin living it, then we are in fact, also hypocrites. My outlook, not only personal, but in the world will be turning inward.
As Paul says in Corinthians 5:10 "...not at all meaning the people of this world who are immoral, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters. In that case you would have to leave this world." In this passage he is talking about how if we were to separate ourselves from all sinners, we would have to leave this world completely. No, we actually don't have to worry about the world, and what it's doing.
We're not here to fix the sins of our world. Though I admit many times that's how I feel, that justice needs to be served, and my job is to serve it. How can I fight against social injustice? How about financial, or even physical injustice? I need to remember that is God's job, and truthfully that's a relief. That's something we can find solace in. He is coming, and He will exact true justice. Not mine, or anyone else's skewed/biased form. Let that relax you. Let it give you serenity!
I haven't been going to church lately. It's probably been about a month. I really need to fix this. I need fellowship. Everyone does. I've been working 6 days a week, and I just don't have the energy on Sundays. I keep thinking about how the Lord's week is a 6 day week, with 1 day (The Sabbath) for rest. I have to be honest, going to church does not feel like a rest.
I can't quite pinpoint why either. It could be the 1 hour+ round trip, or the fact that I feel that I'm inconveniencing someone who has to translate for me every time I come. Or that it takes at least 4 hours out of my day. I imagine that I'm really looking at this the wrong way though. I should be thinking of the positives. The encouragement I can bring to my brothers and sisters in Christ. Something they desperately need. Or that I should be grateful for the chance to joyously praise God's name without fear or persecution. Or truly that I should just be so excited to get into God's house at the end of a long hard frustrating week and be rejuvenated, and refilled with His love and Holy Spirit.
I certainly know that I feel much better after I go every time. I do feel rested, and relaxed, and rejuvenated. I need to focus more on this, and be less stingy with my free time. This is something I will continue to pray about, and I know the Lord will fill my heart with desire, and dedication.
It has also come to my attention that I don't fear God enough. I came to this conclusion in a strange place. I was using the bathroom in an empty elementary school here after finishing my classes, and I just had a weird thought about how the door could fly open with a giant gust of wind (like in the movies lol) with God standing there, and how I would react. I thought about the Israelites in the desert. I thought about Moses who had actually come into God's presence. I was rightfully terrified.
Being 6'6" and big my entire life, I think it's easy to fall into a sense of self-security. I've never trained for any kind of fighting in my life, but I've never had to worry about it because everyone that sees me tends to not want to challenge me to anything. It's easy to just be complacent. But in the presence of God, I would be helpless. I thought about the sins that I would be confronted with.
THEN I thought about something that filled me with dread. How I treat an incredible loving, self-sacrificing God almost every day. How I can literally be desiring something in my heart (lusting, drinking, over eating), think about God, know that I can pray for this desire to pass, AND INSTEAD, STILL do what I was planning. How incredibly purposely disrespectful. I can't imagine the anger I would have with myself if I was God.
The amount of sheer complacency, and audacity to continue to sin even after weighing the alternatives of doing what is right - and learning to lean on God for the power to deny my flesh - is absolutely unbelievable. I understand that I can't deny my flesh by myself, that I need God. But I still am the one making the decision. I really need to fear God more.
I think in this day and age where things like miracles, and healing seem like fantasy, it's easy to just overlook the true magnitude of our existence. To downplay the sacrifice of Christ on the cross. I think it's time to get on my knees again, and praise the one true God, the creator of life, and everything in existence.
Lastly, I want to share something on a happy note. As I talked about in my last post, I walked past a man that looked homeless, and had a introspective look afterwards. Friday night after work, I went to the local train station here to meet a friend who was coming in for the weekend. It was a cold night, and in the doorway I saw a man on his hands and knees, face down to the cement with a donation jar in front of him.
He had no shoes on, and his feet showed that he hadn't just taken them off and hidden them somewhere to gain more sympathy. I instantly felt compassion for him. I'm grateful that God put this in my heart. I had no thought of myself, and I wanted to help him. Unfortunately I had no cash with me. I asked my friend, and they had only a small amount of cash. I decided we should get him some shoes.
As I mentioned last time, there is a stigma in the U.S. that homeless people use money for drugs or alcohol, and I would imagine it's similar here. We went to go buy shoes and socks for this man, and found some at a store about a 10 min walk away. We came back, and some people were giving the man some cash, which was good to see. I wanted to ask if he wanted some food, but he was pretty unresponsive to anyone talking to him. He just kept his face to the ground.
I don't know if it was some kind of act, or if he doesn't want people to talk to him, but it could also be complete and utter humiliation. I can't imagine how broken you would have to be to beg from others. I can totally understand him not wanting to show his face. He might also not be in the greatest physical condition.
I went over and patted him on the back and tried to give him the shoes and socks. My friend who is Korean told him that we had shoes for him, and he made a move a little, but didn't do much. I left the shoes and socks next to him, as I didn't want to force him to accept them. I hope that they helped him out.
A lot of people say that there is never something for nothing. Meaning, when you do a good deed, you get satisfaction out of it as well. I can certainly say that afterwards I felt good. I was happy that I could help, and even more happy and grateful that God put it in my heart to get this man some footwear. It was like I was on a mission, there was no stopping me. I would call it less of self satisfaction though. I didn't feel that I had accomplished something. I felt that God had started training me more for what I am to do in the future. I'm glad he could use it to help someone else, who appeared to be in great need.
As always I'm grateful for all who read these. I hope to be an encouragement to other Christians, and salt and light to the world. Talk to you guys again soon!
Sunday, March 4, 2018
It's been over 3 months!
It truly is incredible how time flies. It's been more than 3 months since I've posted on here. I have been super busy with moving into a new place, trying to get everything setup with furniture and whatnot. Also my hours have changed with work (they're never truly set, just kind of guidelines). It seems that I never have any free time anymore, and when I do I just want to relax. The truth is I've allowed myself to be distracted from what I should be doing.
I had been thinking about my blog, and things I wanted to say, but somehow I would never get it done. Circumstances have changed since I would sit in my dorm room every night and spend at least an hour typing these out. Instead now I have a place to myself, and rather than try to find some alone time to put my thoughts down, I'm doing the opposite - trying to fill my lonesome place with some noise (usually watching some kind of pro esports on twitch) to avoid too much alone time.
I'm grateful that during a Skype call yesterday my dad brought the subject up and asked about it. I realized that my blog is just one of the ways that I can reach out to and encourage Christians around the world. Hopefully not only Christians, but everyone as well. As I've stated before I have changed to become as honest as possible, and to exercise Christ's love through me as much as possible. I think that a lot of people have misconceptions about what Christianity is, and who true Christians are, and I hope to change those misconceptions through action.
That being said, I certainly didn't lead through action last night. I went to dinner about 8pm. After eating I walked outside and it was slightly drizzling, and was surprisingly warm. Within half a block I saw an older man lying on his side in the entrance to a doorway. His head was down and I would have to assume he was homeless. About a billion thoughts went through my mind in the two steps I took from the time I saw him until the time I was next to him. "What should I do?" "How can I help him?" "How do I even ask him in Korean if he wants help?" "Would he understand me if I did ask him?" "What do I have to give him?" "I'm scared.".
Unfortunately that last thought won. As it has so many times before. I'm ashamed to say I looked at him and continued walking back home. Although I was conflicted, I don't take comfort in that. What kind of person does that? What kind of Christian does that? I realize that a lot of people walk by, and many without a second thought. Sure it's great that I wanted to help, but without action my thoughts amount to nothing.
I could have turned back at any time, but I didn't. I immediately started to try to console myself. As if I needed consoling from what I didn't do to help. I started thinking things like "the language barrier would be too much to overcome" "maybe I'm not called by God to help the homeless" "maybe I'm meant to help other people" and ultimately "who am I called to?"
I also have to shamefully admit that while walking through Chicago I walked past the homeless there as well. There was no language barrier there, just me being callous. I have given considerable thought on how to help the homeless, yet my thoughts have never become action. While I'm not making excuses or justifying, I believe these to be the facts: a lot of times in America the homeless are pariah.
You see documentaries on TV about people that beg for money on the streets, then go to their Cadillac Escalade and drive away. They make over $100,000. Certainly that isn't a lot of them, but it puts a negative thought in your mind. Not only that, but you hear stories about violence and drug use, or that your generous donation is only going to buy alcohol, or some other drug. After many years of hearing that it can be difficult to break through the stereotypes and fears.
Everyone wants to know that if they are parting with money in a donation, it's going to good use. I guess the truth of the matter is to trust God. I should put my fears aside and ask if they need help, and trust that God will guide me to what they truly need. I'm sure there will be some times I am taken advantage of, but I know God will use all of that to His glory anyway. I would think the most valuable thing I have to share anyway, is the Gospel. I pray that next time I have the opportunity to help someone, I will.
I haven't always had a track record of walking by people. Not to boast, but more to encourage myself that I'm capable of this - I was driving home from school the coldest night of winter in Chicago two years ago. It was probably 10-15 below zero with windchill. I don't remember if I was going to go to McDonald's or I was just driving home, but I remember seeing someone standing on the median of a busy road. It was way too cold for that, so I turned around and drove up next to them in the turn lane.
It turned out to be a girl, probably in her early 20's or late teens. I felt so bad for her, luckily I had my favorite hoodie in the back seat of my car. I gave it to her because I knew that the wind must have been cutting right through her jacket. Of course it would have been huge on her, but something is better than nothing. I also drove to a McDonald's that was close and brought her a bag of food. She was very grateful. I offered her a ride to wherever she wanted to go, which she turned down. I can imagine it was scary for her too.
It's easy to only look at things from our point of view, but imagine if you fell on hard times. How difficult would it be for you to beg on the street? Especially after most of us have grown up not having to ask for anything. I think at least for me, looking at it that way will make it easier to reach out to someone.
I had actually somewhat made peace with myself on this subject until I read Proverbs 28 this morning. Verse 27: "Those who give to the poor will lack nothing, but those who close their eyes to them receive many curses." Reading this absolutely crushed me. I immediately bowed my head and prayed. This can mean many things to many people, but coming after last night it was very powerful to me.
This is why it's so important to be in the Word every day. Reading the Bible should be a time of great learning, encouragement, curiosity, and ultimately joy. I know how tedious it can seem. My entire life I've seen it as a chore rather than something I couldn't wait to get my hands on. However, learning about God and building a relationship with Him is such a fascinating, and wonderful feeling. Learning more about Him should be a great joy, and second nature. This is another thing to pray about. He will give you, and I, the desire for the Word.
I am grateful to all of you for reading, and as always I hope to post again soon. I will continue to pray for the discipline, and wherewithal to keep posting on my spiritual journey. If these blogs help even one person then it is worth it.
In Christ,
Carl
I had been thinking about my blog, and things I wanted to say, but somehow I would never get it done. Circumstances have changed since I would sit in my dorm room every night and spend at least an hour typing these out. Instead now I have a place to myself, and rather than try to find some alone time to put my thoughts down, I'm doing the opposite - trying to fill my lonesome place with some noise (usually watching some kind of pro esports on twitch) to avoid too much alone time.
I'm grateful that during a Skype call yesterday my dad brought the subject up and asked about it. I realized that my blog is just one of the ways that I can reach out to and encourage Christians around the world. Hopefully not only Christians, but everyone as well. As I've stated before I have changed to become as honest as possible, and to exercise Christ's love through me as much as possible. I think that a lot of people have misconceptions about what Christianity is, and who true Christians are, and I hope to change those misconceptions through action.
That being said, I certainly didn't lead through action last night. I went to dinner about 8pm. After eating I walked outside and it was slightly drizzling, and was surprisingly warm. Within half a block I saw an older man lying on his side in the entrance to a doorway. His head was down and I would have to assume he was homeless. About a billion thoughts went through my mind in the two steps I took from the time I saw him until the time I was next to him. "What should I do?" "How can I help him?" "How do I even ask him in Korean if he wants help?" "Would he understand me if I did ask him?" "What do I have to give him?" "I'm scared.".
Unfortunately that last thought won. As it has so many times before. I'm ashamed to say I looked at him and continued walking back home. Although I was conflicted, I don't take comfort in that. What kind of person does that? What kind of Christian does that? I realize that a lot of people walk by, and many without a second thought. Sure it's great that I wanted to help, but without action my thoughts amount to nothing.
I could have turned back at any time, but I didn't. I immediately started to try to console myself. As if I needed consoling from what I didn't do to help. I started thinking things like "the language barrier would be too much to overcome" "maybe I'm not called by God to help the homeless" "maybe I'm meant to help other people" and ultimately "who am I called to?"
I also have to shamefully admit that while walking through Chicago I walked past the homeless there as well. There was no language barrier there, just me being callous. I have given considerable thought on how to help the homeless, yet my thoughts have never become action. While I'm not making excuses or justifying, I believe these to be the facts: a lot of times in America the homeless are pariah.
You see documentaries on TV about people that beg for money on the streets, then go to their Cadillac Escalade and drive away. They make over $100,000. Certainly that isn't a lot of them, but it puts a negative thought in your mind. Not only that, but you hear stories about violence and drug use, or that your generous donation is only going to buy alcohol, or some other drug. After many years of hearing that it can be difficult to break through the stereotypes and fears.
Everyone wants to know that if they are parting with money in a donation, it's going to good use. I guess the truth of the matter is to trust God. I should put my fears aside and ask if they need help, and trust that God will guide me to what they truly need. I'm sure there will be some times I am taken advantage of, but I know God will use all of that to His glory anyway. I would think the most valuable thing I have to share anyway, is the Gospel. I pray that next time I have the opportunity to help someone, I will.
I haven't always had a track record of walking by people. Not to boast, but more to encourage myself that I'm capable of this - I was driving home from school the coldest night of winter in Chicago two years ago. It was probably 10-15 below zero with windchill. I don't remember if I was going to go to McDonald's or I was just driving home, but I remember seeing someone standing on the median of a busy road. It was way too cold for that, so I turned around and drove up next to them in the turn lane.
It turned out to be a girl, probably in her early 20's or late teens. I felt so bad for her, luckily I had my favorite hoodie in the back seat of my car. I gave it to her because I knew that the wind must have been cutting right through her jacket. Of course it would have been huge on her, but something is better than nothing. I also drove to a McDonald's that was close and brought her a bag of food. She was very grateful. I offered her a ride to wherever she wanted to go, which she turned down. I can imagine it was scary for her too.
It's easy to only look at things from our point of view, but imagine if you fell on hard times. How difficult would it be for you to beg on the street? Especially after most of us have grown up not having to ask for anything. I think at least for me, looking at it that way will make it easier to reach out to someone.
I had actually somewhat made peace with myself on this subject until I read Proverbs 28 this morning. Verse 27: "Those who give to the poor will lack nothing, but those who close their eyes to them receive many curses." Reading this absolutely crushed me. I immediately bowed my head and prayed. This can mean many things to many people, but coming after last night it was very powerful to me.
This is why it's so important to be in the Word every day. Reading the Bible should be a time of great learning, encouragement, curiosity, and ultimately joy. I know how tedious it can seem. My entire life I've seen it as a chore rather than something I couldn't wait to get my hands on. However, learning about God and building a relationship with Him is such a fascinating, and wonderful feeling. Learning more about Him should be a great joy, and second nature. This is another thing to pray about. He will give you, and I, the desire for the Word.
I am grateful to all of you for reading, and as always I hope to post again soon. I will continue to pray for the discipline, and wherewithal to keep posting on my spiritual journey. If these blogs help even one person then it is worth it.
In Christ,
Carl
Sunday, December 31, 2017
Happy New Year!
Hey guys! Sorry about the wait, this one has been a long time coming. I was moving into a new place, and with the holidays things have been pretty busy around here. I've been thinking about things I want to post, but just never got around to it. I can make excuses all I want, but it's my own fault, and Satan trying to distract me.
I prayed a lot about having the discipline and desire to continue doing this. It's actually reaching a lot more people than I ever thought it would, and that is motivation enough, but a lot of times I struggle with knowing how long it's going to take to write a post, and never start. I guess that's the procrastinator in me. I might toy with doing short vlogs everyday as well, to try and keep the amount of writing I have to do to a minimum.
Anyways, that's all the background stuff. I had some pretty interesting subjects lined up for this post. The main one being my encounter with a spiritual being *Ooooo scary stuff!* Haha I do make light of it, simply due to the fact that when you come straight out and say "I was attacked by a demon" a lot of people grow pretty skeptical. In fact, I too am very skeptical about "mysticism" and things of spiritual nature, despite being a believing Christian.
When you don't ever see anything of that kind it's hard to really give it credence. However, I do know that sleep paralysis is real, and many people suffer from it. I truly feel for anyone suffering from this, because it's a terrifying and life changing condition. This encounter I had was during sleep and I was scared to go back to sleep for the rest of the day. I also couldn't get my mind off of the realness of it. As I said, my heart goes out to anyone who suffers from this chronically, and I hope they're able to get the relief they need.
Believing in God requires faith. We never see God. In fact no one truly has. However, there are definitely things that can help our belief from a logical standpoint. A lot of people - especially intellectuals - like to take a logical look at the Bible. Usually their conclusion is that it's a fairy tale that could never happen in real life. (If you're one of these people, PLEASE do yourself a favor and look up Jordan Petersen's mini-series on the Bible). I even linked it for you. Yes it is long, but this guy is truly the pinnacle of hyper-intellectualism.
Now I'm not advocating his belief at all. In fact I was pretty turned off from his way of looking at things. I think trying to prove something like God through "facts" that humans know is pretty trivial, I am merely providing some food for thought for those who may dismiss the Bible as fantasy. My belief is that God is real, and there's no amount of proof (besides of course Him showing Himself to us, which would in turn kill us all because He is too holy for us to be in His presence).
If you read the Old Testament you see that even HIS PEOPLE the Israelite's struggled with belief in a God that would do everything they asked. They turned away from Him multiple times to worship other God's. They were people just like us, and there would be no difference in our behavior. In fact I know that's the truth because I believe, and I still do it on a daily basis.
I've used my "car analogy" on here before, but it bears repeating. If you think of life as a car, and you're the driver. Whenever I take over the wheel I promptly begin to drive off the road. When I fall into that ditch on the side, I look up to heaven and say "God I'm sorry, you're right, you take over" and He drives me out of the ditch, and He puts me right back on the road. Then I get overconfident and say "God...I got this", and take over the wheel again, and of course where do I go? Right back off the road into a ditch.
That's the truth of human nature. Unbelief and doubt. Separation from God. It's a struggle to believe, and to come back to Him, and that's why He sent His son to die on the cross for our sins. That provided the way back to God that we lost when Adam and Eve ate the fruit in the garden of Eden.
Anyways, I'm lying in bed in my dorm room. All of a sudden my dream switches to an old cathedral type house. I'm in the attic lying on a bed on my side, and the roof is a very high triangle shape. There are floor to ceiling windows and the room is very small and made of wood. I'm aware of a door behind my head. The door opens and shuts and all of a sudden the blackest shades fall down over the windows (that had previously had sunlight coming through them) like flags unfurling. At the same time the lights immediately shut off. I'm in complete and utter darkness, and now I'm paralyzed on my bed. I can't move anything even though I am struggling to even open my eyes. Through sheer determination I was able to get my left eye open just a crack and could see some kind of fuzzy looking entity moving around.
It took me a few moments to actually get a grasp on what was happening, but as soon as I realized I was in sleep paralysis and this was a demon attacking me, I began to repeat in my head (because I couldn't open my mouth) "I am a child of the God of Israel". This seemed to infuriate the spirit who started moving around faster around the outside of the bed like it was looking for a place to attack. Eventually, it disappeared for a short time and then rushed straight at my face. Just before it made contact with me it dissipated and the shades came up and the lights went on and I could immediately move and talk again.
As you can see this would be a pretty terrifying experience. Especially for someone who didn't know what was going on. I had actually talked to my pastor about sleep paralysis maybe a week before this during a Bible study, which reminded me of its existence. I pray for those experiencing this. I also know that there are conditions which are a much worse form of sleep paralysis. Where people actually have their eyes forced open and can't tell the difference between dream and reality, and can actually see demons in their natural form.
I believe that God allowed this to happen, for a few reasons. One, so that I can tell all of you here about my experience. Proof that a spiritual world exists that we almost never see, and never think about. Two, to encourage me personally that I have the protection of Christ, and that is real. I think it's very easy to play the victim card, especially these days. Asking "why me" is a natural reaction, but a selfish one in my opinion. I look at Job in the bible for inspiration. A man who had everything, and God allowed Satan to take all he had from him, yet his faith still didn't waver. I strive to be like that no matter my circumstances, and this experience helps me to see that God is always with me, no matter what.
Ok! So! On a happier note. (I'm sharing this to Facebook so I'm assuming all my readers have seen the pictures) but I WAS SANTA FOR CHRISTMAS. Actually, I was Santa quite a few times for events over the course of a few weeks. It was a pretty interesting experience. Sometimes I was chosen to work a station and teach, but other times I was chosen just to take pictures with kids for like 2 hours. Reactions ranged from taking pictures with young female teachers who were excited to get their picture taken with "fancy Santa" to kids being put on the bench next to me and immediately bawling their eyes out. Haha it all made for quite the Christmas spirit. In case you haven't seen it, here is an "intense" look from "fancy Santa"
I prayed a lot about having the discipline and desire to continue doing this. It's actually reaching a lot more people than I ever thought it would, and that is motivation enough, but a lot of times I struggle with knowing how long it's going to take to write a post, and never start. I guess that's the procrastinator in me. I might toy with doing short vlogs everyday as well, to try and keep the amount of writing I have to do to a minimum.
Anyways, that's all the background stuff. I had some pretty interesting subjects lined up for this post. The main one being my encounter with a spiritual being *Ooooo scary stuff!* Haha I do make light of it, simply due to the fact that when you come straight out and say "I was attacked by a demon" a lot of people grow pretty skeptical. In fact, I too am very skeptical about "mysticism" and things of spiritual nature, despite being a believing Christian.
When you don't ever see anything of that kind it's hard to really give it credence. However, I do know that sleep paralysis is real, and many people suffer from it. I truly feel for anyone suffering from this, because it's a terrifying and life changing condition. This encounter I had was during sleep and I was scared to go back to sleep for the rest of the day. I also couldn't get my mind off of the realness of it. As I said, my heart goes out to anyone who suffers from this chronically, and I hope they're able to get the relief they need.
Believing in God requires faith. We never see God. In fact no one truly has. However, there are definitely things that can help our belief from a logical standpoint. A lot of people - especially intellectuals - like to take a logical look at the Bible. Usually their conclusion is that it's a fairy tale that could never happen in real life. (If you're one of these people, PLEASE do yourself a favor and look up Jordan Petersen's mini-series on the Bible). I even linked it for you. Yes it is long, but this guy is truly the pinnacle of hyper-intellectualism.
Now I'm not advocating his belief at all. In fact I was pretty turned off from his way of looking at things. I think trying to prove something like God through "facts" that humans know is pretty trivial, I am merely providing some food for thought for those who may dismiss the Bible as fantasy. My belief is that God is real, and there's no amount of proof (besides of course Him showing Himself to us, which would in turn kill us all because He is too holy for us to be in His presence).
If you read the Old Testament you see that even HIS PEOPLE the Israelite's struggled with belief in a God that would do everything they asked. They turned away from Him multiple times to worship other God's. They were people just like us, and there would be no difference in our behavior. In fact I know that's the truth because I believe, and I still do it on a daily basis.
I've used my "car analogy" on here before, but it bears repeating. If you think of life as a car, and you're the driver. Whenever I take over the wheel I promptly begin to drive off the road. When I fall into that ditch on the side, I look up to heaven and say "God I'm sorry, you're right, you take over" and He drives me out of the ditch, and He puts me right back on the road. Then I get overconfident and say "God...I got this", and take over the wheel again, and of course where do I go? Right back off the road into a ditch.
That's the truth of human nature. Unbelief and doubt. Separation from God. It's a struggle to believe, and to come back to Him, and that's why He sent His son to die on the cross for our sins. That provided the way back to God that we lost when Adam and Eve ate the fruit in the garden of Eden.
Anyways, I'm lying in bed in my dorm room. All of a sudden my dream switches to an old cathedral type house. I'm in the attic lying on a bed on my side, and the roof is a very high triangle shape. There are floor to ceiling windows and the room is very small and made of wood. I'm aware of a door behind my head. The door opens and shuts and all of a sudden the blackest shades fall down over the windows (that had previously had sunlight coming through them) like flags unfurling. At the same time the lights immediately shut off. I'm in complete and utter darkness, and now I'm paralyzed on my bed. I can't move anything even though I am struggling to even open my eyes. Through sheer determination I was able to get my left eye open just a crack and could see some kind of fuzzy looking entity moving around.
It took me a few moments to actually get a grasp on what was happening, but as soon as I realized I was in sleep paralysis and this was a demon attacking me, I began to repeat in my head (because I couldn't open my mouth) "I am a child of the God of Israel". This seemed to infuriate the spirit who started moving around faster around the outside of the bed like it was looking for a place to attack. Eventually, it disappeared for a short time and then rushed straight at my face. Just before it made contact with me it dissipated and the shades came up and the lights went on and I could immediately move and talk again.
As you can see this would be a pretty terrifying experience. Especially for someone who didn't know what was going on. I had actually talked to my pastor about sleep paralysis maybe a week before this during a Bible study, which reminded me of its existence. I pray for those experiencing this. I also know that there are conditions which are a much worse form of sleep paralysis. Where people actually have their eyes forced open and can't tell the difference between dream and reality, and can actually see demons in their natural form.
I believe that God allowed this to happen, for a few reasons. One, so that I can tell all of you here about my experience. Proof that a spiritual world exists that we almost never see, and never think about. Two, to encourage me personally that I have the protection of Christ, and that is real. I think it's very easy to play the victim card, especially these days. Asking "why me" is a natural reaction, but a selfish one in my opinion. I look at Job in the bible for inspiration. A man who had everything, and God allowed Satan to take all he had from him, yet his faith still didn't waver. I strive to be like that no matter my circumstances, and this experience helps me to see that God is always with me, no matter what.
Ok! So! On a happier note. (I'm sharing this to Facebook so I'm assuming all my readers have seen the pictures) but I WAS SANTA FOR CHRISTMAS. Actually, I was Santa quite a few times for events over the course of a few weeks. It was a pretty interesting experience. Sometimes I was chosen to work a station and teach, but other times I was chosen just to take pictures with kids for like 2 hours. Reactions ranged from taking pictures with young female teachers who were excited to get their picture taken with "fancy Santa" to kids being put on the bench next to me and immediately bawling their eyes out. Haha it all made for quite the Christmas spirit. In case you haven't seen it, here is an "intense" look from "fancy Santa"
Anyways, I'm gonna cut it there for today. Now that I'm settled in my new apartment, and having a bit of break from work I'll be looking to post more often. Wishing everyone a safe and happy New Year! As always, thank you for reading and post any comments/questions/concerns! Thanks!
Tuesday, December 5, 2017
Conviction
Hey guys! I'm pretty excited to do this blog post. I've been thinking of a topic for awhile, and have kind of been at a loss. There's been a few things floating around my head, but nothing really stuck and they felt pretty hollow to be honest. However, I just finally got some conviction from God and I'm pretty excited about it.
12/4/17 - So I actually wrote that first paragraph nearly a month ago, and never finished the post. I left it to explain what I was feeling, and remind myself of my purpose here. Before I get into that though, I need to talk about some things.
First of all, it's become pretty clear to me that my ministry for God is two-fold. The first part being honesty. The second part being love. Of the two, love is by far the more important, but I think honesty is extremely useful, and imperative with our "religious" culture these days. Love obviously is what everything in the Bible hinges upon. The fact that God cared enough about us to send His son to die for us regardless of how sinful we are. That is mind blowing, and we can only hope and try to emulate the unconditional love that he continuously shows us.
So, honesty. I know I've talked about this in my blog before, but it bears repeating not only for newer readers, but also because it's so impossibly hard to do. Like, who wants to admit they messed up? Ever? Certainly there are times and situations where it's easier than others, but our flesh has the desire to always be right, and to always look good for others. I was this way for the longest time, but after my relationship with Christ began, I was transformed. Am I saying that things are easy and I don't even have to think about it now? Absolutely not, I just don't care anymore about what others think of my life and accomplishments because I know it doesn't matter. All that matters is my relationship with God.
I also know that being open and honest with others is the best way for them to realize that everyone is broken just like them. This is ESPECIALLY important for Christians. How many Christians do you know that have a "holier than thou" attitude? No matter how "good" we are, we still mess up all the time. Trying to hide that is only detrimental, not only to ourselves but to others too.
It's like a successful business. Everyone from the outside looks at the business and thinks "man how lucky that guy is, he did everything right and now he's a millionaire/billionaire" or whatever. But as you may see more now with the advent of the internet, those business owners are admitting and trying to make it known how difficult it was just to start that business. How many times they had to change, or adapt. How many hours they had to work, and most importantly how many times they failed.
Like I said, I'm not perfect. It would be silly for me to sit here and say that I'm honest about all my faults and then say that I'm better than everyone because I admit them. That's not what I'm saying at all, there has to be a certain humility and humbleness that comes along with the honesty. That part is DEFINITELY much harder for me than the honesty part, and that's why I'm not including humility in my ministry definition. I will likely struggle with that the rest of my life. I'm just being honest. (LOL) I know I should be a stand-up comedian.
Anyways. All that being said, I strive to be honest with people. About everything. My mentality has changed, and I believe it's necessary, not just a courtesy. As I said, this is still relatively new but I think it's already yielding some great results.
So, in the interest of honesty I'm posting here after quite a lengthy break. I didn't mean to take all this time off, I've just honestly been busy...but that's not an excuse. This blog is something that I believe God has given me to keep up while I'm here, and maybe even beyond that. If it helps even one person then it's more than worth it. Yet I've been neglecting it and that's actually a pretty good metaphor for how I've been treating God too.
Who could travel halfway across the world trusting in God, and having all his prayers answered by God, and then ignore God? Yeah...me. I'm owning up to this one. This past month or so I've been too "busy" for God. Hard to believe for someone who has been making all these lofty proclamations on his blog and commenting on the state of spirituality here in Korea. What have I been too busy with? It's really nothing special. There's nothing specific, I just subconsciously said I'm in control of my life now, and God can take a backseat.
I've been messing up pretty bad this past month. A lot of the old bad habits creeping back into my life. The worst part is now that I'm so aware of it after having bested a lot of these things for a long time since I've been here. That means that every time I lose the battle to my flesh, I'm completely aware of what I'm doing, yet I still do it. To me that's like even more of a slap in the face of Christ.
I've fallen back into habits such as drinking, eating too much, and lusting despite the changes Christ as made in me. Why? I mean the honest answer is basically because I wanted to. Now I didn't consciously go around grabbing beers out of other peoples hands and downing them like you would see in a movie haha, but I haven't cared to maintain my relationship with Him and it hurts.
As a result I feel distanced from Him. This doesn't just happen over night. You can't just flip a switch and say "hey I got God now". It happened over the course of a month, and it takes work to bring Him back into my life as well. You know, I used to think that when people said "I don't feel God in my life" or " I feel distanced from God", that they should just simply wait it out until He comes back. However, I'm starting to realize with my own life as reference, that it's MY fault that He's not in my life. That I left Him, He didn't leave me.
God is completely consistent, and has unconditional love. So every time I take the wheel of my proverbial car instead of Him, I'm driving right away from His will, and His sovereignty in my life. Man...it's such a brutal feeling too. I HATE being apart from Him. All I can do is repent, ask His forgiveness, and work my way back to being close with Him.
This is where love comes in. Observing His love for me, as I continually disrespect and desecrate His incredible sacrifice is such an amazing example, and it really goes against all of human's conventional wisdom. If someone wrongs you, what do we do? Immediately turn into revenge mode and do something back, because they deserve the same or more back right? I'm learning more and more that isn't right.
True love for others calls for us to deny our flesh and the gratification that things like revenge and neglect give us. Those things that give an immediate gratification, but long term end up corrupting us more and more. Love. This is what EVERYTHING hinges on. As Paul says "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal." (1 Corinthians 13:1)
To me this means we can talk about the "good" things that people can do, and the attributes of a "good" Christian, or person all day, but without love these things are nothing. It's a fine line, and a lot of times blurry. You may think "why can't I just be a good person and enjoy God". I've had a few people ask me that. They seem to think that God is too good. Maybe that they should just be thankful for what they have.
That sounds amazing! "I'm so grateful just to be here that I just thank God. I don't ask for anything, because He's given me all that I need." etc etc etc. That doesn't reflect a real relationship with God though. One that is intimate. As a father to their child. This type of sentiment reflects more of an employer to an employee relationship. "I'm just going to shut up and accept what I'm given". LOL I know I know, so am I saying that we should just be asking God for things all the time and not be grateful? Of course not, but think about how a child is with their father? We CANNOT provide for ourselves spiritually. We are not able without God. Therefore not asking for more is a representation of a dead faith.
I like to look at David as a great example of how to have a relationship with God. As God is even quoted as saying a few times that David is a "man after His own heart". So does that mean David was always content and perfect? NO! He was probably the most whiny person in the entire Bible! Complaining about this and that all the time, asking God to smite his enemies and what have you. I truly love this though, because David is such a great character, and His life is filled with many things that we can relate to today.
Therefore God shows His love to us, mercifully, and unconditionally. We need to show that to others. I can finally get to my original paragraph now. Two words: House Churches. Seeing all the incredibly large and beautiful churches here in Korea is really convicting me that a grass roots movement back to the way Christ set things up is necessary.
In fact I just went to a giant church in Seoul this past weekend and man was it astonishing. Just a wonderful experience. If you're looking for a show. If you want intimacy with God, then this isn't the place for you. I have nothing but accolades for the building, and the praise band. The 50+ person choir section complete with tenor soloist, and 15+ person symphonic group were truly professional in appearance and sound. I mean these people can make you emotional just listening to them. It was an incredible experience.
The pastor came out and sat down in a chair (which is pretty unusual, especially here) and preached relatively quietly. I certainly didn't mind (even though I couldn't truly understand his message) his approach, or delivery. However, the whole thing just felt at an arms length. I know there are small groups after the sermon, and a lot of Koreans tend to spend all day at church on Sunday, but I just can't help feeling that this isn't how it was meant to be.
Are there places for large churches and congregations? I don't see why not. Israel had giant festivals implemented by God in the Old Testament. Gatherings of this magnitude aren't wrong I don't think, but as a weekly thing, it starts to lack authenticity. God doesn't want or need our gold, or silver, or giant buildings. He wants us. He wants our hearts.
House churches are a place where you can get intimate with others. Truly become friends, as Jesus did with His disciples. Where you get together and talk about your lives, and apply your learning from the Bible to each other. Where the message can be directly prepared for what people need. Where money and offerings aren't necessary. Where if your fellow brother or sister in Christ is struggling with money you can give to them, or if they're struggling with family problems you can give emotional support. The most important thing about all of this is that you're INVOLVED in their lives, and that not only keeps you, but THEM accountable too.
None of this happens in our modern day church. Maybe to a small degree, but certainly not as often as it needs to happen. Home churches can encourage this to happen, and maybe...just maybe it can transform us to what God desires. Instead of "Christians" that go to church mindlessly, and throw money at other people's issues.
Anyways, that was a super long post, but I felt it needed to be said. I'm on my way back to God now, praying everyday and trusting in Him, though it's not an easy road. I knew even the first day that I started anew my relationship with Christ that it would be a roller coaster at times. I was ready, and willing, but you're never really prepared when it comes. I ask that you all please pray for me. I need guidance, clarity, forgiveness, and above all else love.
Thank you for reading! I hope to post again soon! Let me know in the comments if you have any comments or questions, or even any prayer requests. Take care guys!
12/4/17 - So I actually wrote that first paragraph nearly a month ago, and never finished the post. I left it to explain what I was feeling, and remind myself of my purpose here. Before I get into that though, I need to talk about some things.
First of all, it's become pretty clear to me that my ministry for God is two-fold. The first part being honesty. The second part being love. Of the two, love is by far the more important, but I think honesty is extremely useful, and imperative with our "religious" culture these days. Love obviously is what everything in the Bible hinges upon. The fact that God cared enough about us to send His son to die for us regardless of how sinful we are. That is mind blowing, and we can only hope and try to emulate the unconditional love that he continuously shows us.
So, honesty. I know I've talked about this in my blog before, but it bears repeating not only for newer readers, but also because it's so impossibly hard to do. Like, who wants to admit they messed up? Ever? Certainly there are times and situations where it's easier than others, but our flesh has the desire to always be right, and to always look good for others. I was this way for the longest time, but after my relationship with Christ began, I was transformed. Am I saying that things are easy and I don't even have to think about it now? Absolutely not, I just don't care anymore about what others think of my life and accomplishments because I know it doesn't matter. All that matters is my relationship with God.
I also know that being open and honest with others is the best way for them to realize that everyone is broken just like them. This is ESPECIALLY important for Christians. How many Christians do you know that have a "holier than thou" attitude? No matter how "good" we are, we still mess up all the time. Trying to hide that is only detrimental, not only to ourselves but to others too.
It's like a successful business. Everyone from the outside looks at the business and thinks "man how lucky that guy is, he did everything right and now he's a millionaire/billionaire" or whatever. But as you may see more now with the advent of the internet, those business owners are admitting and trying to make it known how difficult it was just to start that business. How many times they had to change, or adapt. How many hours they had to work, and most importantly how many times they failed.
Like I said, I'm not perfect. It would be silly for me to sit here and say that I'm honest about all my faults and then say that I'm better than everyone because I admit them. That's not what I'm saying at all, there has to be a certain humility and humbleness that comes along with the honesty. That part is DEFINITELY much harder for me than the honesty part, and that's why I'm not including humility in my ministry definition. I will likely struggle with that the rest of my life. I'm just being honest. (LOL) I know I should be a stand-up comedian.
Anyways. All that being said, I strive to be honest with people. About everything. My mentality has changed, and I believe it's necessary, not just a courtesy. As I said, this is still relatively new but I think it's already yielding some great results.
So, in the interest of honesty I'm posting here after quite a lengthy break. I didn't mean to take all this time off, I've just honestly been busy...but that's not an excuse. This blog is something that I believe God has given me to keep up while I'm here, and maybe even beyond that. If it helps even one person then it's more than worth it. Yet I've been neglecting it and that's actually a pretty good metaphor for how I've been treating God too.
Who could travel halfway across the world trusting in God, and having all his prayers answered by God, and then ignore God? Yeah...me. I'm owning up to this one. This past month or so I've been too "busy" for God. Hard to believe for someone who has been making all these lofty proclamations on his blog and commenting on the state of spirituality here in Korea. What have I been too busy with? It's really nothing special. There's nothing specific, I just subconsciously said I'm in control of my life now, and God can take a backseat.
I've been messing up pretty bad this past month. A lot of the old bad habits creeping back into my life. The worst part is now that I'm so aware of it after having bested a lot of these things for a long time since I've been here. That means that every time I lose the battle to my flesh, I'm completely aware of what I'm doing, yet I still do it. To me that's like even more of a slap in the face of Christ.
I've fallen back into habits such as drinking, eating too much, and lusting despite the changes Christ as made in me. Why? I mean the honest answer is basically because I wanted to. Now I didn't consciously go around grabbing beers out of other peoples hands and downing them like you would see in a movie haha, but I haven't cared to maintain my relationship with Him and it hurts.
As a result I feel distanced from Him. This doesn't just happen over night. You can't just flip a switch and say "hey I got God now". It happened over the course of a month, and it takes work to bring Him back into my life as well. You know, I used to think that when people said "I don't feel God in my life" or " I feel distanced from God", that they should just simply wait it out until He comes back. However, I'm starting to realize with my own life as reference, that it's MY fault that He's not in my life. That I left Him, He didn't leave me.
God is completely consistent, and has unconditional love. So every time I take the wheel of my proverbial car instead of Him, I'm driving right away from His will, and His sovereignty in my life. Man...it's such a brutal feeling too. I HATE being apart from Him. All I can do is repent, ask His forgiveness, and work my way back to being close with Him.
This is where love comes in. Observing His love for me, as I continually disrespect and desecrate His incredible sacrifice is such an amazing example, and it really goes against all of human's conventional wisdom. If someone wrongs you, what do we do? Immediately turn into revenge mode and do something back, because they deserve the same or more back right? I'm learning more and more that isn't right.
True love for others calls for us to deny our flesh and the gratification that things like revenge and neglect give us. Those things that give an immediate gratification, but long term end up corrupting us more and more. Love. This is what EVERYTHING hinges on. As Paul says "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal." (1 Corinthians 13:1)
To me this means we can talk about the "good" things that people can do, and the attributes of a "good" Christian, or person all day, but without love these things are nothing. It's a fine line, and a lot of times blurry. You may think "why can't I just be a good person and enjoy God". I've had a few people ask me that. They seem to think that God is too good. Maybe that they should just be thankful for what they have.
That sounds amazing! "I'm so grateful just to be here that I just thank God. I don't ask for anything, because He's given me all that I need." etc etc etc. That doesn't reflect a real relationship with God though. One that is intimate. As a father to their child. This type of sentiment reflects more of an employer to an employee relationship. "I'm just going to shut up and accept what I'm given". LOL I know I know, so am I saying that we should just be asking God for things all the time and not be grateful? Of course not, but think about how a child is with their father? We CANNOT provide for ourselves spiritually. We are not able without God. Therefore not asking for more is a representation of a dead faith.
I like to look at David as a great example of how to have a relationship with God. As God is even quoted as saying a few times that David is a "man after His own heart". So does that mean David was always content and perfect? NO! He was probably the most whiny person in the entire Bible! Complaining about this and that all the time, asking God to smite his enemies and what have you. I truly love this though, because David is such a great character, and His life is filled with many things that we can relate to today.
Therefore God shows His love to us, mercifully, and unconditionally. We need to show that to others. I can finally get to my original paragraph now. Two words: House Churches. Seeing all the incredibly large and beautiful churches here in Korea is really convicting me that a grass roots movement back to the way Christ set things up is necessary.
In fact I just went to a giant church in Seoul this past weekend and man was it astonishing. Just a wonderful experience. If you're looking for a show. If you want intimacy with God, then this isn't the place for you. I have nothing but accolades for the building, and the praise band. The 50+ person choir section complete with tenor soloist, and 15+ person symphonic group were truly professional in appearance and sound. I mean these people can make you emotional just listening to them. It was an incredible experience.
The pastor came out and sat down in a chair (which is pretty unusual, especially here) and preached relatively quietly. I certainly didn't mind (even though I couldn't truly understand his message) his approach, or delivery. However, the whole thing just felt at an arms length. I know there are small groups after the sermon, and a lot of Koreans tend to spend all day at church on Sunday, but I just can't help feeling that this isn't how it was meant to be.
Are there places for large churches and congregations? I don't see why not. Israel had giant festivals implemented by God in the Old Testament. Gatherings of this magnitude aren't wrong I don't think, but as a weekly thing, it starts to lack authenticity. God doesn't want or need our gold, or silver, or giant buildings. He wants us. He wants our hearts.
House churches are a place where you can get intimate with others. Truly become friends, as Jesus did with His disciples. Where you get together and talk about your lives, and apply your learning from the Bible to each other. Where the message can be directly prepared for what people need. Where money and offerings aren't necessary. Where if your fellow brother or sister in Christ is struggling with money you can give to them, or if they're struggling with family problems you can give emotional support. The most important thing about all of this is that you're INVOLVED in their lives, and that not only keeps you, but THEM accountable too.
None of this happens in our modern day church. Maybe to a small degree, but certainly not as often as it needs to happen. Home churches can encourage this to happen, and maybe...just maybe it can transform us to what God desires. Instead of "Christians" that go to church mindlessly, and throw money at other people's issues.
Anyways, that was a super long post, but I felt it needed to be said. I'm on my way back to God now, praying everyday and trusting in Him, though it's not an easy road. I knew even the first day that I started anew my relationship with Christ that it would be a roller coaster at times. I was ready, and willing, but you're never really prepared when it comes. I ask that you all please pray for me. I need guidance, clarity, forgiveness, and above all else love.
Thank you for reading! I hope to post again soon! Let me know in the comments if you have any comments or questions, or even any prayer requests. Take care guys!
Thursday, October 26, 2017
Quick Follow-Up
Hey guys! I had to pen (yes I know I'm typing) this one down. Especially after the most recent post. I'm ok. I've worked through everything with prayer and re-focusing myself on what matters, and I feel great as a result. So let me tell you about this dream I had last night.
I honestly don't remember a whole lot about it save for a few specific instances, and what I would call still shots in my mind. However, what they tell you about how long dreams actually last...maybe that's all it was anyway. I certainly don't remember it as vividly as some of the other dreams I've had, and there wasn't a surreal intensity like there has been in the past, but this one was still very interesting.
My purpose here was pretty obvious when I came. I was to work with special needs college students for a year, and grow in my personal relationship with God. Well, as that part of my journey comes to an end (the students go home for winter break in less than 2 months and I will likely be moving on in my life). I started to desire clarity on what my next step was.
What am I meant to do? Some people know what they want to do from the get go. They work and aim everything towards that goal. I truly envy that sometimes. I can honestly say I've never had that clarity in my life. My interests and goals are constantly shifting from one thing to the next. I enjoy a lot of different types of things, and I tend to learn things rather quickly so it's difficult to pinpoint one thing I enjoy above the others.
I'm not complaining, I rather enjoy being this way, however as I said sometimes it would be nice to have more direction. I suppose that's something that makes me unique though, and I should embrace it. Regardless, I have been praying for clarity in this matter as I tend to be a worrier about my future in the weirdest of ways (I used to take 3am walks around our neighborhood looking at the stars and just thinking. This started around the time I was 16).
I've definitely never had anything to worry about. I would more say I was wrestling with what I truly wanted to do. That eventually gave way to wrestling between the desires of this world, and pursuing a relationship with God and the gains that come with that. Well now that I've finally decided to let things here go and pursue Him 100% what do I do?
I mean there's not really a blueprint for it. Technically there is if you want to follow Jesus. Or Paul. But who really wants to do that? I mean that's crazy right? Go around preaching the Gospel and working on the side to pay your own expenses. Actually I've seriously thought about how to go about doing this multiple times. (Yes I am definitely crazy, I'll admit that.) I know that there are missionaries with this exact purpose, and I've been looking around to try and get involved with a group. So far nothing has stood out.
I don't think I discussed it but there was a missionary group here at the school a few weeks ago performing cultural dances and music. It was a fascinating show with primal drumming and all. The cultures covered were Fiji, Samoa, and New Zealand among others. I was really into it. I also met a bunch of the people involved after the show. I thought that was my sign, but have since cooled off. I will continue praying on that path.
However what I really want to get to in this post is my dream last night. As I stated before, I am a bit anxious about the next step after I leave the university here. I haven't really had any indication that I've recognized, but maybe that in itself is telling. Maybe I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to?
Luckily a few still images remained in my mind, and as I concentrated I was able to piece together a few more parts of the dream. To explain one part of the dream I have to let you know that I watched somewhat of a documentary on carnival games before I went to sleep. The documentary basically went through each game and categorized them into 3 categories. 1 - chance games, 2 - skill games, and 3 - nearly impossible games.
The rope ladder was in category 3 as a nearly impossible game. They said that if you had enough practice at it, you could eventually master it and win every single time. I guess subconsciously my mind thought this was a good metaphor for faith because that was one of the images in my mind. The science behind the rope ladder is that it's only secured at 1 point on each side instead of 2. This makes it almost impossible to keep your center of gravity in the right place. You have to keep it literally in a straight line from one point to the opposite point in order to not fall off.
Anyways, so in my dream I'm walking standing straight up on this rope ladder. Except instead of just rope, it was filled in with scripture. I was walking on living scripture on old parchment written in Hebrew, and as I stepped on each piece it would come alive, the paper would turn to gold and the letters would float off of the page upwards to envelop me. I also remember knowing that I could experience what Jesus was thinking and feeling at the time that he was alive while I was walking. I also remember that the supposedly unstable ladder was as stable as a treadmill when I was walking on it, which was surprising.
The other image I remember is that I was building a house. I was supervising the building, but I wasn't really there. I was more ethereal than anything I would say. I could see the house. It was a nice 2 story typical American single family home, but it was in large square blocks. Some of the blocks were turned 180 degrees and facing the wrong way. I had a crane at my disposal and directed the crane to pick up the block to the left of the door that was facing the wrong way and turn it 180 so it was the right way. There were a few other blocks turned like this, but I was on my way to fix them as well.
That's when I woke up. I think there are some obvious things to take from that, but also some pretty encrypted messages. If anyone has any interpretations I would definitely be open to it haha. I intend to keep praying for some indication, and I will continue to pay attention to my dreams since I know that is one way God communicates with us.
Also, I thought it was pretty awesome that I woke up to a Facebook message from my good buddy Gino who had promised to donate some hockey equipment to the kids here in Daegu who couldn't afford it. I am seriously excited about the opportunity to help them, and I look forward to getting involved. I'm not sure if that will be my final destination here, or I will just be passing through but it will be interesting to see a rink again nonetheless.
I'll keep all you guys updated, and I appreciate you coming to read! Also, while I'm not doing this to make a living, I do want to let everyone know that I was approved for an ad sense account through Google. This basically means that the newly added ads on my blog page now support me (to the tune of about 1 penny a click I believe). So while I'm not going to be working to promote myself or market this in any way, by all means click away lol. Thanks for reading!
I honestly don't remember a whole lot about it save for a few specific instances, and what I would call still shots in my mind. However, what they tell you about how long dreams actually last...maybe that's all it was anyway. I certainly don't remember it as vividly as some of the other dreams I've had, and there wasn't a surreal intensity like there has been in the past, but this one was still very interesting.
My purpose here was pretty obvious when I came. I was to work with special needs college students for a year, and grow in my personal relationship with God. Well, as that part of my journey comes to an end (the students go home for winter break in less than 2 months and I will likely be moving on in my life). I started to desire clarity on what my next step was.
What am I meant to do? Some people know what they want to do from the get go. They work and aim everything towards that goal. I truly envy that sometimes. I can honestly say I've never had that clarity in my life. My interests and goals are constantly shifting from one thing to the next. I enjoy a lot of different types of things, and I tend to learn things rather quickly so it's difficult to pinpoint one thing I enjoy above the others.
I'm not complaining, I rather enjoy being this way, however as I said sometimes it would be nice to have more direction. I suppose that's something that makes me unique though, and I should embrace it. Regardless, I have been praying for clarity in this matter as I tend to be a worrier about my future in the weirdest of ways (I used to take 3am walks around our neighborhood looking at the stars and just thinking. This started around the time I was 16).
I've definitely never had anything to worry about. I would more say I was wrestling with what I truly wanted to do. That eventually gave way to wrestling between the desires of this world, and pursuing a relationship with God and the gains that come with that. Well now that I've finally decided to let things here go and pursue Him 100% what do I do?
I mean there's not really a blueprint for it. Technically there is if you want to follow Jesus. Or Paul. But who really wants to do that? I mean that's crazy right? Go around preaching the Gospel and working on the side to pay your own expenses. Actually I've seriously thought about how to go about doing this multiple times. (Yes I am definitely crazy, I'll admit that.) I know that there are missionaries with this exact purpose, and I've been looking around to try and get involved with a group. So far nothing has stood out.
I don't think I discussed it but there was a missionary group here at the school a few weeks ago performing cultural dances and music. It was a fascinating show with primal drumming and all. The cultures covered were Fiji, Samoa, and New Zealand among others. I was really into it. I also met a bunch of the people involved after the show. I thought that was my sign, but have since cooled off. I will continue praying on that path.
However what I really want to get to in this post is my dream last night. As I stated before, I am a bit anxious about the next step after I leave the university here. I haven't really had any indication that I've recognized, but maybe that in itself is telling. Maybe I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to?
Last night before I went to sleep I asked the LORD to speak to me through dreams, so I could have a better understanding of what I was supposed to do. I have had super vivid "rapture" dreams before, and was initially a bit underwhelmed as I woke in the morning without such an experience. As I lay in bed trying to get the energy and will to sit up, I suddenly remembered I had asked God to speak to me in my dreams and I struggled to remember what I had just been dreaming about.
 |
| The typical rope ladder at a carnival. |
The rope ladder was in category 3 as a nearly impossible game. They said that if you had enough practice at it, you could eventually master it and win every single time. I guess subconsciously my mind thought this was a good metaphor for faith because that was one of the images in my mind. The science behind the rope ladder is that it's only secured at 1 point on each side instead of 2. This makes it almost impossible to keep your center of gravity in the right place. You have to keep it literally in a straight line from one point to the opposite point in order to not fall off.
Anyways, so in my dream I'm walking standing straight up on this rope ladder. Except instead of just rope, it was filled in with scripture. I was walking on living scripture on old parchment written in Hebrew, and as I stepped on each piece it would come alive, the paper would turn to gold and the letters would float off of the page upwards to envelop me. I also remember knowing that I could experience what Jesus was thinking and feeling at the time that he was alive while I was walking. I also remember that the supposedly unstable ladder was as stable as a treadmill when I was walking on it, which was surprising.
The other image I remember is that I was building a house. I was supervising the building, but I wasn't really there. I was more ethereal than anything I would say. I could see the house. It was a nice 2 story typical American single family home, but it was in large square blocks. Some of the blocks were turned 180 degrees and facing the wrong way. I had a crane at my disposal and directed the crane to pick up the block to the left of the door that was facing the wrong way and turn it 180 so it was the right way. There were a few other blocks turned like this, but I was on my way to fix them as well.
That's when I woke up. I think there are some obvious things to take from that, but also some pretty encrypted messages. If anyone has any interpretations I would definitely be open to it haha. I intend to keep praying for some indication, and I will continue to pay attention to my dreams since I know that is one way God communicates with us.
Also, I thought it was pretty awesome that I woke up to a Facebook message from my good buddy Gino who had promised to donate some hockey equipment to the kids here in Daegu who couldn't afford it. I am seriously excited about the opportunity to help them, and I look forward to getting involved. I'm not sure if that will be my final destination here, or I will just be passing through but it will be interesting to see a rink again nonetheless.
I'll keep all you guys updated, and I appreciate you coming to read! Also, while I'm not doing this to make a living, I do want to let everyone know that I was approved for an ad sense account through Google. This basically means that the newly added ads on my blog page now support me (to the tune of about 1 penny a click I believe). So while I'm not going to be working to promote myself or market this in any way, by all means click away lol. Thanks for reading!
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