Happy New Year!

Hey guys! Sorry about the wait, this one has been a long time coming. I was moving into a new place, and with the holidays things have been pretty busy around here. I've been thinking about things I want to post, but just never got around to it. I can make excuses all I want, but it's my own fault, and Satan trying to distract me.

I prayed a lot about having the discipline and desire to continue doing this. It's actually reaching a lot more people than I ever thought it would, and that is motivation enough, but a lot of times I struggle with knowing how long it's going to take to write a post, and never start. I guess that's the procrastinator in me. I might toy with doing short vlogs everyday as well, to try and keep the amount of writing I have to do to a minimum.

Anyways, that's all the background stuff. I had some pretty interesting subjects lined up for this post. The main one being my encounter with a spiritual being *Ooooo scary stuff!* Haha I do make light of it, simply due to the fact that when you come straight out and say "I was attacked by a demon" a lot of people grow pretty skeptical. In fact, I too am very skeptical about "mysticism" and things of spiritual nature, despite being a believing Christian.

When you don't ever see anything of that kind it's hard to really give it credence. However, I do know that sleep paralysis is real, and many people suffer from it. I truly feel for anyone suffering from this, because it's a terrifying and life changing condition. This encounter I had was during sleep and I was scared to go back to sleep for the rest of the day. I also couldn't get my mind off of the realness of it. As I said, my heart goes out to anyone who suffers from this chronically, and I hope they're able to get the relief they need.

Believing in God requires faith. We never see God. In fact no one truly has. However, there are definitely things that can help our belief from a logical standpoint.  A lot of people - especially intellectuals - like to take a logical look at the Bible. Usually their conclusion is that it's a fairy tale that could never happen in real life. (If you're one of these people, PLEASE do yourself a favor and look up Jordan Petersen's mini-series on the Bible). I even linked it for you. Yes it is long, but this guy is truly the pinnacle of hyper-intellectualism.

Now I'm not advocating his belief at all. In fact I was pretty turned off from his way of looking at things. I think trying to prove something like God through "facts" that humans know is pretty trivial, I am merely providing some food for thought for those who may dismiss the Bible as fantasy. My belief is that God is real, and there's no amount of proof (besides of course Him showing Himself to us, which would in turn kill us all because He is too holy for us to be in His presence).

If you read the Old Testament you see that even HIS PEOPLE the Israelite's struggled with belief in a God that would do everything they asked. They turned away from Him multiple times to worship other God's. They were people just like us, and there would be no difference in our behavior. In fact I know that's the truth because I believe, and I still do it on a daily basis.

I've used my "car analogy" on here before, but it bears repeating. If you think of life as a car, and you're the driver. Whenever I take over the wheel I promptly begin to drive off the road. When I fall into that ditch on the side, I look up to heaven and say "God I'm sorry, you're right, you take over" and He drives me out of the ditch, and He puts me right back on the road. Then I get overconfident and say "God...I got this", and take over the wheel again, and of course where do I go? Right back off the road into a ditch.

That's the truth of human nature. Unbelief and doubt. Separation from God. It's a struggle to believe, and to come back to Him, and that's why He sent His son to die on the cross for our sins. That provided the way back to God that we lost when Adam and Eve ate the fruit in the garden of Eden.

Anyways, I'm lying in bed in my dorm room. All of a sudden my dream switches to an old cathedral type house. I'm in the attic lying on a bed on my side, and the roof is a very high triangle shape. There are floor to ceiling windows and the room is very small and made of wood. I'm aware of a door behind my head. The door opens and shuts and all of a sudden the blackest shades fall down over the windows (that had previously had sunlight coming through them) like flags unfurling. At the same time the lights immediately shut off. I'm in complete and utter darkness, and now I'm paralyzed on my bed. I can't move anything even though I am struggling to even open my eyes. Through sheer determination I was able to get my left eye open just a crack and could see some kind of fuzzy looking entity moving around.

It took me a few moments to actually get a grasp on what was happening, but as soon as I realized I was in sleep paralysis and this was a demon attacking me, I began to repeat in my head (because I couldn't open my mouth) "I am a child of the God of Israel". This seemed to infuriate the spirit who started moving around faster around the outside of the bed like it was looking for a place to attack. Eventually, it disappeared for a short time and then rushed straight at my face. Just before it made contact with me it dissipated and the shades came up and the lights went on and I could immediately move and talk again.

As you can see this would be a pretty terrifying experience. Especially for someone who didn't know what was going on. I had actually talked to my pastor about sleep paralysis maybe a week before this during a Bible study, which reminded me of its existence. I pray for those experiencing this. I also know that there are conditions which are a much worse form of sleep paralysis. Where people actually have their eyes forced open and can't tell the difference between dream and reality, and can actually see demons in their natural form.

I believe that God allowed this to happen, for a few reasons. One, so that I can tell all of you here about my experience. Proof that a spiritual world exists that we almost never see, and never think about. Two, to encourage me personally that I have the protection of Christ, and that is real. I think it's very easy to play the victim card, especially these days. Asking "why me" is a natural reaction, but a selfish one in my opinion. I look at Job in the bible for inspiration. A man who had everything, and God allowed Satan to take all he had from him, yet his faith still didn't waver. I strive to be like that no matter my circumstances, and this experience helps me to see that God is always with me, no matter what.

Ok! So! On a happier note. (I'm sharing this to Facebook so I'm assuming all my readers have seen the pictures) but I WAS SANTA FOR CHRISTMAS. Actually, I was Santa quite a few times for events over the course of a few weeks. It was a pretty interesting experience. Sometimes I was chosen to work a station and teach, but other times I was chosen just to take pictures with kids for like 2 hours. Reactions ranged from taking pictures with young female teachers who were excited to get their picture taken with "fancy Santa" to kids being put on the bench next to me and immediately bawling their eyes out. Haha it all made for quite the Christmas spirit. In case you haven't seen it, here is an "intense" look from "fancy Santa"

 

Anyways, I'm gonna cut it there for today. Now that I'm settled in my new apartment, and having a bit of break from work I'll be looking to post more often. Wishing everyone a safe and happy New Year! As always, thank you for reading and post any comments/questions/concerns! Thanks!

Conviction

Hey guys! I'm pretty excited to do this blog post. I've been thinking of a topic for awhile, and have kind of been at a loss. There's been a few things floating around my head, but nothing really stuck and they felt pretty hollow to be honest. However, I just finally got some conviction from God and I'm pretty excited about it.

12/4/17 - So I actually wrote that first paragraph nearly a month ago, and never finished the post. I left it to explain what I was feeling, and remind myself of my purpose here. Before I get into that though, I need to talk about some things.

First of all, it's become pretty clear to me that my ministry for God is two-fold. The first part being honesty. The second part being love. Of the two, love is by far the more important, but I think honesty is extremely useful, and imperative with our "religious" culture these days. Love obviously is what everything in the Bible hinges upon. The fact that God cared enough about us to send His son to die for us regardless of how sinful we are. That is mind blowing, and we can only hope and try to emulate the unconditional love that he continuously shows us.

So, honesty. I know I've talked about this in my blog before, but it bears repeating not only for newer readers, but also because it's so impossibly hard to do. Like, who wants to admit they messed up? Ever? Certainly there are times and situations where it's easier than others, but our flesh has the desire to always be right, and to always look good for others. I was this way for the longest time, but after my relationship with Christ began, I was transformed. Am I saying that things are easy and I don't even have to think about it now? Absolutely not, I just don't care anymore about what others think of my life and accomplishments because I know it doesn't matter. All that matters is my relationship with God.

I also know that being open and honest with others is the best way for them to realize that everyone is broken just like them. This is ESPECIALLY important for Christians. How many Christians do you know that have a "holier than thou" attitude? No matter how "good" we are, we still mess up all the time. Trying to hide that is only detrimental, not only to ourselves but to others too.

It's like a successful business. Everyone from the outside looks at the business and thinks "man how lucky that guy is, he did everything right and now he's a millionaire/billionaire" or whatever. But as you may see more now with the advent of the internet, those business owners are admitting and trying to make it known how difficult it was just to start that business. How many times they had to change, or adapt. How many hours they had to work, and most importantly how many times they failed.

Like I said, I'm not perfect. It would be silly for me to sit here and say that I'm honest about all my faults and then say that I'm better than everyone because I admit them. That's not what I'm saying at all, there has to be a certain humility and humbleness that comes along with the honesty. That part is DEFINITELY much harder for me than the honesty part, and that's why I'm not including humility in my ministry definition. I will likely struggle with that the rest of my life. I'm just being honest. (LOL) I know I should be a stand-up comedian.

Anyways. All that being said, I strive to be honest with people. About everything. My mentality has changed, and I believe it's necessary, not just a courtesy. As I said, this is still relatively new but I think it's already yielding some great results.

So, in the interest of honesty I'm posting here after quite a lengthy break. I didn't mean to take all this time off, I've just honestly been busy...but that's not an excuse. This blog is something that I believe God has given me to keep up while I'm here, and maybe even beyond that. If it helps even one person then it's more than worth it. Yet I've been neglecting it and that's actually a pretty good metaphor for how I've been treating God too.

Who could travel halfway across the world trusting in God, and having all his prayers answered by God, and then ignore God? Yeah...me. I'm owning up to this one. This past month or so I've been too "busy" for God. Hard to believe for someone who has been making all these lofty proclamations on his blog and commenting on the state of spirituality here in Korea. What have I been too busy with? It's really nothing special. There's nothing specific, I just subconsciously said I'm in control of my life now, and God can take a backseat.

I've been messing up pretty bad this past month. A lot of the old bad habits creeping back into my life. The worst part is now that I'm so aware of it after having bested a lot of these things for a long time since I've been here. That means that every time I lose the battle to my flesh, I'm completely aware of what I'm doing, yet I still do it. To me that's like even more of a slap in the face of Christ.

I've fallen back into habits such as drinking, eating too much, and lusting despite the changes Christ as made in me. Why? I mean the honest answer is basically because I wanted to. Now I didn't consciously go around grabbing beers out of other peoples hands and downing them like you would see in a movie haha, but I haven't cared to maintain my relationship with Him and it hurts.

As a result I feel distanced from Him. This doesn't just happen over night. You can't just flip a switch and say "hey I got God now". It happened over the course of a month, and it takes work to bring Him back into my life as well. You know, I used to think that when people said "I don't feel God in my life" or " I feel distanced from God", that they should just simply wait it out until He comes back. However, I'm starting to realize with my own life as reference, that it's MY fault that He's not in my life. That I left Him, He didn't leave me.

God is completely consistent, and has unconditional love. So every time I take the wheel of my proverbial car instead of Him, I'm driving right away from His will, and His sovereignty in my life. Man...it's such a brutal feeling too. I HATE being apart from Him. All I can do is repent, ask His forgiveness, and work my way back to being close with Him.

This is where love comes in. Observing His love for me, as I continually disrespect and desecrate His incredible sacrifice is such an amazing example, and it really goes against all of human's conventional wisdom. If someone wrongs you, what do we do? Immediately turn into revenge mode and do something back, because they deserve the same or more back right? I'm learning more and more that isn't right.

True love for others calls for us to deny our flesh and the gratification that things like revenge and neglect give us. Those things that give an immediate gratification, but long term end up corrupting us more and more. Love. This is what EVERYTHING hinges on. As Paul says "If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal." (1 Corinthians 13:1)

To me this means we can talk about the "good" things that people can do, and the attributes of a "good" Christian, or person all day, but without love these things are nothing. It's a fine line, and a lot of times blurry. You may think "why can't I just be a good person and enjoy God". I've had a few people ask me that. They seem to think that God is too good. Maybe that they should just be thankful for what they have.

That sounds amazing! "I'm so grateful just to be here that I just thank God. I don't ask for anything, because He's given me all that I need." etc etc etc. That doesn't reflect a real relationship with God though. One that is intimate. As a father to their child. This type of sentiment reflects more of an employer to an employee relationship. "I'm just going to shut up and accept what I'm given". LOL I know I know, so am I saying that we should just be asking God for things all the time and not be grateful? Of course not, but think about how a child is with their father? We CANNOT provide for ourselves spiritually. We are not able without God. Therefore not asking for more is a representation of a dead faith.

I like to look at David as a great example of how to have a relationship with God. As God is even quoted as saying a few times that David is a "man after His own heart". So does that mean David was always content and perfect? NO! He was probably the most whiny person in the entire Bible! Complaining about this and that all the time, asking God to smite his enemies and what have you. I truly love this though, because David is such a great character, and His life is filled with many things that we can relate to today.

Therefore God shows His love to us, mercifully, and unconditionally. We need to show that to others. I can finally get to my original paragraph now. Two words: House Churches. Seeing all the incredibly large and beautiful churches here in Korea is really convicting me that a grass roots movement back to the way Christ set things up is necessary.

In fact I just went to a giant church in Seoul this past weekend and man was it astonishing. Just a wonderful experience. If you're looking for a show. If you want intimacy with God, then this isn't the place for you. I have nothing but accolades for the building, and the praise band. The 50+ person choir section complete with tenor soloist, and 15+ person symphonic group were truly professional in appearance and sound. I mean these people can make you emotional just listening to them. It was an incredible experience.

The pastor came out and sat down in a chair (which is pretty unusual, especially here) and preached relatively quietly. I certainly didn't mind (even though I couldn't truly understand his message) his approach, or delivery. However, the whole thing just felt at an arms length. I know there are small groups after the sermon, and a lot of Koreans tend to spend all day at church on Sunday, but I just can't help feeling that this isn't how it was meant to be. 

Are there places for large churches and congregations? I don't see why not. Israel had giant festivals implemented by God in the Old Testament. Gatherings of this magnitude aren't wrong I don't think, but as a weekly thing, it starts to lack authenticity. God doesn't want or need our gold, or silver, or giant buildings. He wants us. He wants our hearts. 

House churches are a place where you can get intimate with others. Truly become friends, as Jesus did with His disciples. Where you get together and talk about your lives, and apply your learning from the Bible to each other. Where the message can be directly prepared for what people need. Where money and offerings aren't necessary. Where if your fellow brother or sister in Christ is struggling with money you can give to them, or if they're struggling with family problems you can give emotional support. The most important thing about all of this is that you're INVOLVED in their lives, and that not only keeps you, but THEM accountable too. 

None of this happens in our modern day church. Maybe to a small degree, but certainly not as often as it needs to happen. Home churches can encourage this to happen, and maybe...just maybe it can transform us to what God desires. Instead of "Christians" that go to church mindlessly, and throw money at other people's issues.

Anyways, that was a super long post, but I felt it needed to be said. I'm on my way back to God now, praying everyday and trusting in Him, though it's not an easy road. I knew even the first day that I started anew my relationship with Christ that it would be a roller coaster at times. I was ready, and willing, but you're never really prepared when it comes. I ask that you all please pray for me. I need guidance, clarity, forgiveness, and above all else love. 

Thank you for reading! I hope to post again soon! Let me know in the comments if you have any comments or questions, or even any prayer requests. Take care guys!

Quick Follow-Up

Hey guys! I had to pen (yes I know I'm typing) this one down. Especially after the most recent post. I'm ok. I've worked through everything with prayer and re-focusing myself on what matters, and I feel great as a result. So let me tell you about this dream I had last night.

I honestly don't remember a whole lot about it save for a few specific instances, and what I would call still shots in my mind. However, what they tell you about how long dreams actually last...maybe that's all it was anyway. I certainly don't remember it as vividly as some of the other dreams I've had, and there wasn't a surreal intensity like there has been in the past, but this one was still very interesting.

My purpose here was pretty obvious when I came. I was to work with special needs college students for a year, and grow in my personal relationship with God. Well, as that part of my journey comes to an end (the students go home for winter break in less than 2 months and I will likely be moving on in my life). I started to desire clarity on what my next step was.

What am I meant to do? Some people know what they want to do from the get go. They work and aim everything towards that goal. I truly envy that sometimes. I can honestly say I've never had that clarity in my life. My interests and goals are constantly shifting from one thing to the next. I enjoy a lot of different types of things, and I tend to learn things rather quickly so it's difficult to pinpoint one thing I enjoy above the others.

I'm not complaining, I rather enjoy being this way, however as I said sometimes it would be nice to have more direction. I suppose that's something that makes me unique though, and I should embrace it. Regardless, I have been praying for clarity in this matter as I tend to be a worrier about my future in the weirdest of ways (I used to take 3am walks around our neighborhood looking at the stars and just thinking. This started around the time I was 16).

I've definitely never had anything to worry about. I would more say I was wrestling with what I truly wanted to do. That eventually gave way to wrestling between the desires of this world, and pursuing a relationship with God and the gains that come with that. Well now that I've finally decided to let things here go and pursue Him 100% what do I do?

I mean there's not really a blueprint for it. Technically there is if you want to follow Jesus. Or Paul. But who really wants to do that? I mean that's crazy right? Go around preaching the Gospel and working on the side to pay your own expenses. Actually I've seriously thought about how to go about doing this multiple times. (Yes I am definitely crazy, I'll admit that.) I know that there are missionaries with this exact purpose, and I've been looking around to try and get involved with a group. So far nothing has stood out.

I don't think I discussed it but there was a missionary group here at the school a few weeks ago performing cultural dances and music. It was a fascinating show with primal drumming and all. The cultures covered were Fiji, Samoa, and New Zealand among others. I was really into it. I also met a bunch of the people involved after the show. I thought that was my sign, but have since cooled off. I will continue praying on that path.

However what I really want to get to in this post is my dream last night. As I stated before, I am a bit anxious about the next step after I leave the university here. I haven't really had any indication that I've recognized, but maybe that in itself is telling. Maybe I'm doing exactly what I'm supposed to?

Last night before I went to sleep I asked the LORD to speak to me through dreams, so I could have a better understanding of what I was supposed to do. I have had super vivid "rapture" dreams before, and was initially a bit underwhelmed as I woke in the morning without such an experience. As I lay in bed trying to get the energy and will to sit up, I suddenly remembered I had asked God to speak to me in my dreams and I struggled to remember what I had just been dreaming about.                          

The typical rope ladder at a carnival.

Luckily a few still images remained in my mind, and as I concentrated I was able to piece together a few more parts of the dream. To explain one part of the dream I have to let you know that I watched somewhat of a documentary on carnival games before I went to sleep. The documentary basically went through each game and categorized them into 3 categories. 1 - chance games, 2 - skill games, and 3 - nearly impossible games.

The rope ladder was in category 3 as a nearly impossible game. They said that if you had enough practice at it, you could eventually master it and win every single time. I guess subconsciously my mind thought this was a good metaphor for faith because that was one of the images in my mind. The science behind the rope ladder is that it's only secured at 1 point on each side instead of 2. This makes it almost impossible to keep your center of gravity in the right place. You have to keep it literally in a straight line from one point to the opposite point in order to not fall off.

Anyways, so in my dream I'm walking standing straight up on this rope ladder. Except instead of just rope, it was filled in with scripture. I was walking on living scripture on old parchment written in Hebrew, and as I stepped on each piece it would come alive, the paper would turn to gold and the letters would float off of the page upwards to envelop me. I also remember knowing that I could experience what Jesus was thinking and feeling at the time that he was alive while I was walking. I also remember that the supposedly unstable ladder was as stable as a treadmill when I was walking on it, which was surprising.

The other image I remember is that I was building a house. I was supervising the building, but I wasn't really there. I was more ethereal than anything I would say. I could see the house. It was a nice 2 story typical American single family home, but it was in large square blocks. Some of the blocks were turned 180 degrees and facing the wrong way. I had a crane at my disposal and directed the crane to pick up the block to the left of the door that was facing the wrong way and turn it 180 so it was the right way. There were a few other blocks turned like this, but I was on my way to fix them as well.

That's when I woke up. I think there are some obvious things to take from that, but also some pretty encrypted messages. If anyone has any interpretations I would definitely be open to it haha. I intend to keep praying for some indication, and I will continue to pay attention to my dreams since I know that is one way God communicates with us.

Also, I thought it was pretty awesome that I woke up to a Facebook message from my good buddy Gino who had promised to donate some hockey equipment to the kids here in Daegu who couldn't afford it. I am seriously excited about the opportunity to help them, and I look forward to getting involved. I'm not sure if that will be my final destination here, or I will just be passing through but it will be interesting to see a rink again nonetheless.

I'll keep all you guys updated, and I appreciate you coming to read! Also, while I'm not doing this to make a living, I do want to let everyone know that I was approved for an ad sense account through Google. This basically means that the newly added ads on my blog page now support me (to the tune of about 1 penny a click I believe). So while I'm not going to be working to promote myself or market this in any way, by all means click away lol. Thanks for reading!

Life update

Hey guys! It's been a little while since I did my review of the intensive training here, and even longer since I've done any intra-personal reflection. A lot of my posts lately have been an external view of what I feel is the landscape of the church here in Korea, and I would be remiss if I didn't discuss what was going on inside of me lately.

So I'm just gonna come out with it. I've been pretty depressed lately. To the point where I haven't been talking to anyone. This started two Saturday's ago, and was really for no reason. Nothing bad had happened, life was normal, I just felt very lonely and away from God. I'm sure everyone has felt this in the past, and I have as well, but it was the first time since being here that I had this sensation.

I couldn't for the life of me figure out what the problem was. I should for all intents and purposes be happy with my life, I just felt empty. It was the weirdest thing, because even the day before I was excited and loving life. Why then would things pull a 180, and more importantly how...so fast? I decided I definitely needed to pray about it and take a look deep inside to see what was really going on with me.

I've detailed many times on here how I came back to God, but it bears repeating - even if just a short review. I was invited by my buddy Matt Gates on a Christian hockey retreat in North Dakota with another Christian friend. I picked them both up in Milwaukee, and before we had even gotten out of the city we were in a full conversation about God. It was then that I truly felt Christ's love in my heart, and it was the most incredible joyous, warm, sensational feeling I've ever had in my life.

A year later, Gater and I went again, yet this time things were a bit different. I was a year into my walk with God, and a more mature Christian. There were also more mature topics on the horizon. I remember the pastor of the church that sponsors the event (Hi pastor Kurt!) was going to talk that weekend about a book called "Mansions of the Heart". From what I gathered while talking with Gater on the way was that the book talked about the stages of your relationship with God. Detailing things from how close you feel originally, to the times when you feel God has left you completely.

In my infantile faith, I was in a bit of denial about the latter. How could anyone actually feel that way? God is always with us right? That's what the Bible tells us. I was certain I'd never go through that. I don't have real problems. My life is great...right? If anything, things are too easy and I have to create problems for myself just to have a better testimony (see 10 year faith hiatus and destructive behavior post). That's truly neither here nor there, but even in faith we can have unrealistic expectations, and succumb to complacency.

So at least I wasn't completely unprepared when this hit me like a freight train. Was I relegated to not being able to get out of bed in the morning due to crippling depression? No, I'm not claiming that. However, I am stating that I felt completely empty. I didn't care about anything or anyone in my life. Not that there was any malicious intent in these thoughts, think more of a complete and utter carelessness in the true sense of the word (not it's current meaning of being reckless).

I had no purpose. I had no goals. I felt that I was just floating. I still went through my daily routine. I was able to converse with people, and I'm sure I otherwise appeared completely normal on the outside, but I have to admit that I kinda felt like I was watching a first person point-of-view movie. This was a pretty crazy sensation to say the least. Especially in comparison to all the spiritual growth I've had here, and everything God has so generously afforded me.

I had to look internally because I knew it wasn't God abandoning me, but had to be something that changed within myself. What could that have been though? I didn't feel any different, I didn't act any different, I didn't think any different...or did I? I had to go through and dig up what I had been thinking about lately. After a few days I started to uncover some truths that I maybe didn't want to initially admit. Possibly other things that Satan had been keeping hidden in order to prolong my sin.

I started thinking about some of the things we had talked about in our small group at the intensive training. The people there were EXTREMELY against things like meditation and yoga, claiming that when you clear yourself of everything, you become empty and that's when evil spirits are able to come inside of you. Initially I thought this was a pretty wild concept considering American culture has no problem with these things. I had never even really thought about them that way, but I can definitely see the logic behind it.

Had I unknowingly invited an evil spirit into me? Was it a subtle one that maybe I couldn't detect? I started thinking about these things, and came to the conclusion that wasn't the case. However, looking deeper into myself I had certainly let sinful thoughts creep in and manifest. This was obviously not deliberate, but over time if you're not diligent these things tend to happen. I had started losing focus of the goal here and having my relationship with God be number 1 in my life. I let pleasures of the flesh dominate my thinking more and more. Just a little bit here, just a little bit there and before I knew it my heart was changing.

I didn't even notice it. It was definitely there though. Thoughts of drinking, sex, money, etc. These aren't things I would ever act on, and I don't know if I would even call them full thoughts or fantasies either. Nevertheless, I subconsciously started to harbor more and more of these, and this separated me from God. Not the other way around.

I had started to let my 'young man' mentality slip in. I may be 31, but there's not much difference between the mind of a 16 year old boy versus a 31 year old man. Little dreams like being successful by the world's standards, having a lot of money so I can provide my family with a nice place to live and my wife with security. Obviously on the surface these thoughts don't seem harmful at all. What's wrong with wanting some security? It's selfless to want your family to feel safe and have enough to live on right?

While it may seem this way, this departs from the fact that God will provide you with what you need. Beyond that, it's up to His will to determine what you will have and not have. I hearken back to reading Job with my church and discussing with Gater about how foolish that book makes prosperity gospel look. I know I'm jumping around with thoughts a bit here, but I'm trying not to get too deep into this particular subject, since there's a ton I could say about it, and this post is meant for something different.

I'll just say this to clarify. Trust God to give you exactly what you NEED to strengthen your relationship with HIM. This is the thought path I was on when I got here, and for the past many months as well. This is why Job is such an important book, because it destroys the notion that if we believe in God we will have financial gain. (We can extend this to health, family, etc, but we will just stick to financial for now). God allowed an extremely wealthy man to lose all of his worldly possessions in order to strengthen his relationship with God. (There were definitely a lot of other factors involved as well, it's not that simple, but the point remains).

Anyways, moving on to the next point. Who you surround yourself with has an IMMENSE impact on your own morals and values. We are all creatures of opinion, and the thing about opinions is that they're always changing based on new information, and pretty fluid in most cases. I consider myself to be pretty stubborn, and yet I still have wavering opinions about a lot of personal moral issues. Obviously the money one is the easiest to talk about, but others include drinking, sex, relationships, and even simpler things like diet, and exercise.

I was letting worldly views infiltrate my heart, and it was wreaking havoc on my spiritual life. Simple thoughts like "I want to buy my fiance a really nice wedding ring to show my love" can really snowball into selfish and materialistic ideologies. These things are symbols of our love, and our way of showing others that we care. Yet, what does it really show? Is it for our significant others? Or is it for others? I tend to believe the latter, that it's important that others look at her hand and say "boy he must really love you". It feeds off of the competition and greed of our fleshly desires.

This is just one example, of course and there are many more. I don't know, maybe I'm crazy but it doesn't seem to me that God gave us all diamond rings to show us that he loved us. Or that he rained gold down from heaven on us. No, what did he do? He sent His son to die for our sins. The ultimate show of self-sacrifice and unconditional love. We are able to love because He first loved us, and in this way we are to show that love to others.

The world would be a much better place if there were less diamond rings, and more metaphorical crosses. I realize that's a pretty bold proclamation, but it needs to be said. It's also truly neither here nor there since the world is currently Satan's domain...but I digress. It's truly a difficult task to take your eyes off the things of the world, and focus completely on trusting God. Especially when you may be in a relationship (or friendship) that demands time/resources/money whatever it may be.

All I can say is don't put your trust in people. They will not only inevitably let you down, but likely they will lead you down the wrong path, away from your spiritual goals. MUCH easier said than done haha. I certainly don't have that figured out yet, that's obvious, but I'm trying. Instead put your trust in God, and He will lead you to Him.

Thanks for reading! I hope everyone is doing well. Reach out if you have any prayer requests, or need any help! I will post again soon!

Review of "18th Multi-Ethnic Intensive Training"

Hello everyone! I finally got some time to post about the missionary meeting that I went to. This was called the '18th Multi-Ethnic Intensive Training', and was a pretty interesting experience overall. I've been pretty critical of Korea recently and I want to be positive because they do definitely deserve credit. I think it's just easier to pick out things you see when you're on the outside. Things stick out more.

So let me start out by saying that they absolutely know their stuff here. The presentation that was put together squeezes a TON of gospel knowledge into just a 3 day intensive training. Everyone received a binder with notes and charts demonstrating what amounted to a gospel system for use in evangelizing. Every single point was backed up with multiple Bible verses. As I said, it was all very impressive.

I went to a church about an hour and a half away from where I'm living called 하나교회 (Hana Gyohwae) or One Church with some guys from school here. This place is HUGE. Yet it's hidden in plain sight. Right off of one of the main roads, and maybe 100 yards from a major subway station. I wouldn't call it a mega-church, it's not that big...but it's surprisingly big for where it is.

The schedule was jam packed from the time we got there on Thursday around 5pm, until the time we left on Saturday around 5pm. I will post pictures of the schedule and binder lower in this post. The format was basically, an hour lecture, followed by an hour small group forum, followed by another hour lecture, followed by another forum, etc. Since we lived so far away also, we slept at the church with the other men who came. We were put in a room on the opposite side of the church from where the lectures were being held in what looked like a break room, and we slept on the floor.

I'm not complaining about the accommodations, just trying to give everyone an idea of what we did. There were more than enough blankets and pillows for everyone, and a bathroom that was easily accessible. They locked the doors at 10:30pm, and since the day ended at 10pm, we had a few minutes to run to the convenient store for a snack or two if we wanted before bedtime. There ended up being around 83 Koreans, and 26 foreigners who attended. I met people from China, Nepal, Tanzania, Kenya, Uganda, Ukraine, Russia, Spain, Philippines, Cambodia, and of course Korea. The two languages spoken were Korean, and English.

As the pastor spoke, there was a Korean woman who translated what he said into English. She worked so hard, what an awesome job she did. She was also the leader of my small group so I got to know her over the few days we were together, and that was nice. I also had some inspiration for a blog post while I was listening to the first lecture so I'll probably just fold that into this post wherever it fits. Actually here would probably be good.

As there were a good number of Africans at this meeting, (and me having never actually met an African person) I started thinking about how they had received the Gospel, and how it had evolved. I had many questions such as "How many people read the Gospel for the first time and think good deeds are the way to salvation?" I reasoned that the answer was probably not many. If you truly read the words of Jesus it's clear that believing in Him is the way to salvation. On the other hand though "How many people are fooled into thinking that way due to the current Christianity trends?" I would be willing to bet a lot of people. I can imagine a lot of the messages that come across on Sundays are akin to 'do good', and 'be good.

I started to ponder on what preachers preach on in the U.S. and asked myself if they drive home that Jesus preached on cleaning the inside of the cup first and therefore the outside will be clean? Or do they preach on deeds and the "symptoms" of being a Christian? I even drew a mini chart equating modern medicine with Christianity. A lot of these new pharmaceuticals you see treat one problem you may have, but give you 5 more issues. What's worse is that they don't even treat what is causing the problem, they just mask it. In the same way, I see the church going in the same direction. The general consensus is that there is a list of things to do, and that makes you a Christian. Obviously we have the 10 commandments, but as a modern society I feel that list has grown to include things like "Don't use profanity", and "Be a nice person", and "Don't drink" etc. Truly a lot if not all of these things could be completely fixed by reaching the root of the problem. A separation from God.

I then pondered what the message was in the other parts of the world? What do they focus on in Korea? Is global Christianity (one giant church where everyone agrees on the same things) a good thing, or a bad thing? What about cultural Christianity? Is cultural Christianity more effective? I.E. does it appeal to different cultural factors? For example would preaching about a more emotional side of the gospel be better for America, versus here in Korea where a more legalistic atmosphere is being shaped. I can't honestly remember everything I was thinking about when I wrote that down so I won't be able to be more clear than that, but I will get more into that topic later on anyway. Lastly, there are many different revelations from many different people all over the world. No one has the entire revelation, there are just pieces here and there from God, of course our belief in God would lend itself to trusting that He will reveal what needs to be revealed to people that will be most effective in their teaching.

So I mentioned briefly about the true root of the problem. Our separation from God. That was the main point of the initial lecture, and there is even a giant chart that this pastor has made about it. This chart details original sin, and attempts to show how our separation from God has created all the problems that we have in this day and age. Some examples are mental issues (ADHD, depression, etc), and also physical problems, but even societal issues as well. The answer obviously being Jesus and the re-implementation of the Gospel, and the resulting changes of heart because of it. As I said before, this was incredibly well thought out and supported through the Bible, and I think a great tool for any Christian to have this knowledge....I sense a but coming here...

BUT. Well, I started getting bored over the course of the few days. I found myself having difficulty concentrating (part of that was probably the diet...they fed us carbs and sugar for every meal). Most people were having trouble staying awake after each meal. Also, according to the pastor he goes to all of these other countries to train people and never thinks about the food, just his work teaching so we shouldn't worry about the food either, just focus on the gospel. I'm not sure what he was trying to get across here as many some of it was lost in translation, but it came off a bit pompous to me. Whatever, that's not all that important, though I would hope a guy who's doing all this work for God would be humble.

That wasn't my "but" actually, lol. I felt I had to give some background for what I'm going to say. I'm really starting to learn the lay of the land here in Korea. I've been told by multiple pastors that I should go back home to the U.S. to evangelize, and that I can be the "light" of America. Somehow by myself. I was thinking why they would be telling me that when it's clear there are issues here that need to be fixed, and I was under the impression that I was sent here by God to help this area.

However when you hear from multiple pastors that you should go back home, of course you're going to perk up your ears and wonder. So I prayed about it. I still don't completely have an answer, though I will admit at this point I wouldn't mind going home for awhile. I definitely had an easier lifestyle there haha, but God's will be done, not mine. Anyways I think I got my answer when this pastor started talking about how instead of Koreans going to evangelize the world, he wants to take the foreigners that come to Korea and train them, then send them back to their own countries to evangelize there. I mean logically there's nothing wrong with this. It saves money, and trains people to send out on missions. I just see a lot of things here that need fixing, and kept thinking that you need to remove the plank in your own eye so you can see clearly to remove the speck of sawdust from your brothers eye. I'm sure that could be flipped around and asked of me as well, but I'm doing my best to remove my own, and God is helping me.

I really have so much to say on this subject and I don't know if I honestly want to take the time to detail it all here. I was originally going to do a vlog post afterwards since I knew I had so much to say, but I couldn't coherently put my thoughts together so I thought typing it out would give me more time to think and be clear.

So. Lets get to the "but". This is the main underlying point of everything. I am seeing a very legalistic Christianity here. (Not that it isn't the same other places) However, it seems that Koreans feel the Gospel should be drilled into your head with logistics. This pastor has literally reduced the gospel to a "system" of charts and memorized Bible verses. He wants people to go out and evangelize with this. I ABSOLUTELY agree that we need to have knowledge from the scripture to back up our belief, but you don't just walk up to people with your handy charts ready to draw out and logically explain your belief in God. Our belief is simply not logical. That's why it's called faith. You have to be willing to believe that an all powerful God sent Himself (His Son) down here to be a man, to be killed by us sinners so that we would be saved. Like on the surface how crazy is that?

The bigger foul here in my opinion is that it robs the cross of its power. The cross is a completely life changing revolutionizing event, and truly what our entire religion stands upon. The fact that Jesus came here to die for you because he LOVED YOU that much. Not because you're a good person, no, none of us are that. In fact it was the "good people" of our society that ended up having Him killed. (The pharisees and temple priests etc). No He came in order that us sinners, that spit in His face every single day by continuing in our sin, would be saved. I don't know about you but I sin constantly and yet He still came for me. How many of us would die for our best friends sins, let alone the sins of people who hate us and are our enemies?

THAT'S how much He loves us, and I really feel that is being taken out of the equation here, and that's very dangerous. Now you may be saying to yourself, well what's wrong with having some backup for tough situations when cynical people ask you the inevitable "prove God exists" or some innocuous gotcha question that non-believers always seem to be trying to conjure up? Of course there's nothing wrong with that. I already said earlier we should be educated on our own faith, but our own testimony is the most weighty thing we can depart to another person. That reinforces the fact that LOVE is at the top of this totem pole. The one thing that matters, and keeps all of this together. It's so important in fact that Paul outlines this saying "¹ Though I command languages both human and angelic -- if I speak without love, I am no more than a gong booming or a cymbal clashing.
² And though I have the power of prophecy, to penetrate all mysteries and knowledge, and though I have all the faith necessary to move mountains -- if I am without love, I am nothing.
³ Though I should give away to the poor all that I possess, and even give up my body to be burned -- if I am without love, it will do me no good whatever." (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

So tell me. What are you? Are you out there banging the streets with your Bible telling others how they need to repent? Or are you sharing your own broken experiences to help others understand that Christianity isn't about being righteous. That's merely a bonus of having your life radically changed by Christ's sacrifice. No, it's about being open and honest, as a child is. Just like the Bible says. "The Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." Little children.

What if this pastor wants to do both? A great question, and I would hope that is the case. It wasn't openly said in this meeting, but the vibe was definitely that this was the best way to evangelize people. In fact the pastor said multiple times that other nations didn't have the "real" gospel, because they didn't have it outlined and supported like this. That really set off alarms with me. What a strange thing to say. He gave a few examples that were true (I don't want to completely discredit him, he had a reason for saying it a few times) such as in Ethiopia they believe that children don't have sin, so when he went there and preached that they were shocked.

The insinuation otherwise was quite different. In fact the leader of my small group who is the main interpreter for the pastor told me straight to my face that this system was a better way of evangelizing than being open and honest with people talking about my own experiences supported with the Gospel. There was a lot of "Oh I used to do that, but now I..." sentences. As I said before, I really hope it's all a misunderstanding and we're all fighting for the same thing. The problem is the motivations are different. Legalistic Christianity produces more legalistic Christianity and that produces churches like we have now. One that want to throw money at problems instead of do something about them.

Think about it, what kind of believer would these charts win over? Someone who is more interested in the logistics of proving something in their mind and to others, over the belief of feeling God's love, and operating off of true trust in Him. Some of this stuff is pretty slight in how it's presented, but as I said the motivation for it is what matters. As the saying goes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Putting God and His will first is the only way to truly achieve what He wants, for that comes out of the love and trust in Him. Those that feel His love will know how unconditional it is, and the more your own sins are forgiven, the more likely you are to forgive others which is exactly what Jesus commands. "41“Two people owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii,^c and the other fifty. 42Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?”" (Luke 7:41-42)

I even had a conversation with a close buddy about this recently on how much easier it is to forgive others, and even encourage them after they mess up when you realize and are honest with yourself and God about how broken you actually are. Instead of condemnation for your fellow broken believing brother, you offer words of encouragement and sympathy knowing that likely you'll be there again soon as well. This is why the embodiment of the Gospel and not a legalistic logical view is so important.

All of the foreigners had to go up and give a speech on what they had learned during the training. I didn't really feel like lecturing on anything in particular so I kinda of winged it. I asked the Holy Spirit to speak through me and I ended up settling on the topic of Jesus' ascendance back to heaven. (There are 4 parts of Jesus' sacrifice according to this pastor and ascendance is the third). Anyways, my main message was "Love" as I felt that this was completely missed during the entire thing. In fact as I spoke, I wrote only the word "Love" on the board in big capital letters. (All the other presenters had been trying to draw the charts they had learned). I really hope that this made an impression on the people listening. I had a few guys come up to me after and tell me they thought I did really well, and one guy even told me that what I said was really important for the exact reasons I've been stating. It's so easy for that main message to get lost when everything is focused on beating systems and charts into your head.

I think that's all the main stuff I wanted to talk about. I hate to be so critical, because I truly love the culture and people here, but God has transformed me into someone who is open and honest and doesn't care what people think about me anymore. I have to call it like I see it. I'm continually praying for the people here, and I hope that God will show me how I can make a difference for them.

I actually will have another post pretty soon, because there's been a lot going on in my mind lately so look for that! Here are the pictures I promised, plus a bonus picture of me presenting my "Love" presentation! Thanks guys!

Bonus Pic! Big Carl in action!

Our Schedule

Dominoes Part 4

I think a lot of people enjoy saying they're a Christian, and the false feeling of endorphins they get when they think they are doing "good". I've had this talk with many people before, but no one does good for others without getting something out of it themselves. Even giving a few dollars to a homeless person on the corner. What do you get out of it? I'll bet you feel like a good person for the rest of the day. Maybe the rest of the week/month.

Unfortunately, the truth is that we are not good, and will never be good. Can you accept this fact? Jesus clearly makes it plain in Matthew when he talks about the multitude of sins we commit in our hearts everyday that weren't previously even thought of. What other sins are we constantly committing if prior to this we weren't even considering internal thoughts as sin?

Let me ask you this. Do you have to teach a child to be selfish, or to share? Do you have to teach them how to be mean, or how to say kind things to others? As much as we'd like to think otherwise, we are all broken, sinful humans who succumb to the temptations of the flesh. Accept this, and you will be changed!

Ok, changed into what? Some superhuman person who never does any wrong? The pope? That'd be sweet right? Sorry guys, I got bad news for you. Even the pope is a sinner. In fact everyone who has ever lived is a sinner, except Jesus. You won't be transformed into a perfect person. In fact, those who think entry to heaven is achieved through works are Pharisaic, and dead wrong. You CANNOT and WILL NOT get to heaven by "doing good" because the law says to do it, or even because the good guys in the Bible did it.

Read what Jesus says about the Pharisees and how they attempted perfection on the outside, but were full of garbage on the inside. Bitter and self righteous because they "knew" and did better than everyone else. What a horrific life! So unfulfilling! Like someone who always follows the rules, never sneaks out to a party at night. Never tries something they're not supposed to. As Paul says, the law of humans is there for the unbelievers, not the righteous. That's because we live by God's law.

Am I advocating breaking the law? No, but the illustration needs to be made that the motivation is the key. You need to be so overwhelmed by Jesus' sacrifice on the cross for you, that you're moved to change. You clean the inside first, and the outside becomes clean as a result. You realize that Jesus loves you so much that you WANT to be different for Him. You stop desiring what the world desires, and you realize that heavenly treasures are what you want.

So now we're back to prayer and honesty. When I started attending ODM my Korean church back in Chicago, something changed in me. I didn't care what people thought about me anymore. I was going to be honest. About everything in my life. Not because I didn't care about people, but because I knew God would use my struggles to help others with their walks.

Most people are so afraid of ridicule and failure that they put up a facade of having things together and their "social media" perfect life. What does this lead to? A world full of people that don't want to be honest with each other, and are therefore held at arms length from each other. Never truly realizing that THEY'RE ALL STRUGGLING WITH THE SAME STUFF. We are all struggling with the same types of things guys, and the only way we can overcome that is to be open and honest with each other...and more importantly, God.

This should be the easiest thing in the world considering we already know that God knows everything about us, including what's in our hearts. So what's stopping us from just telling Him what He already knows? It takes time, but it's important to start. If you truly have accepted Jesus as your Christ and Savior, then it's time you gave Him your heart and honesty along with it. Allow Him inside you, allow Him to change you.

The next part has to do with who we pray to. Do we pray to Jesus or to God? Who gets the glory? Does it matter? Aren't they the same? Well the trinity is definitely a difficult subject, and even more difficult to wrap your head around sometimes. Sometimes the best way to accept it is just through faith and not logic. I had a conversation with a fellow Christian about the trinity recently and they kept asking how Jesus could be God, if Jesus was God's son?

What an excellent question from a logical standpoint. The only real way to explain this properly is to say that Jesus was always and is always with God. However He is a separate part of God sent down to take our sins away. The same way the Holy Spirit is God, yet a separate part. All three of these parts obviously make up the trinity. I have not received revelation regarding the trinity, so maybe someone else with more learning than I will be able to explain better logically. That's my best explanation along with the fact that we're not meant to understand a lot of what God is or does. Just that we have faith that He is who He says He is, and He does what He says He does.

So the answer to the above question is that we pray to God the Father. We pray to the Father THROUGH the Son. Jesus came as an intercessory so that we could continue to have a relationship with the Father. Jesus became the sacrifice so that we wouldn't need to slaughter any more lambs or bulls or calves. Now we can still talk to God through prayer and have a relationship with Him despite our wickedness. Jesus makes all this possible. He is certainly worthy of praise, however we are to go to the Father in prayer.

Why is this so important since they're the same God? Well, as we see in the Bible, even Jesus prays to God and calls Him the father. (I'm linking this as an example of the passion of Christ's prayers, and how we should pray as well. With emotion! Like a child to our father) If that's not enough for you right there, think about the Old Testament. Who made the covenant with the Jews? God the Father. Who made the covenant with Abraham? God the Father. He is the pinnacle and the ultimate creator. Of course this isn't to say Jesus or the Holy Spirit is any less. The key here is not to get into semantics, but to realize what our purpose is here, and accept that our relationship is to be with the Father through the Son washing away our sins, and cleansing us.

Lastly, let's talk about the church and her purpose. I say "Her" because as Jesus said, he came to prepare her as a bride to be married to the groom (God). Not sexually, but as a relationship. As I discussed before. THIS IS HOW MUCH GOD DESIRES A RELATIONSHIP WITH US. If you believe the book we base our faith on, then you believe that God sent His Son, or part of Himself down to earth to be murdered for us! Us! That sin everyday! That lie and cheat and steal everyday! He did this knowingly and yet still went down for us. THAT'S how much He loves us. Get over yourself and start a relationship with the Father today. Close your bedroom door. Get a pillow and get down on your knees and just open a conversation with Him. You'd be surprised what comes out, and eventually what grows in you.

A quick final thought on this subject. It's very easy to be pulled into praying only for ourselves. (God give me money and a good job etc, or even just good health, or save my aunt who has cancer). But remember we are here to glorify Him. Ask Him to give you those things so you can glorify Him through you! Remember Him when He gives you what you ask for! Slowly but surely you too will be unable to talk about anything else but your loving relationship with our God. The creator of the universe. What a transformation for the church this could be if even 10% of "Christians" were to do this. We would begin to be worthy of being a bride for the one and true God.

As always, thanks for reading! I'm sorry it was so long, but it was necessary. I'm going to an intensive missionary meeting October 5th-7th so pray for me. I'll let you know what goes on! Talk to you all soon.

Dominoes Part 3

Our church has become a superficial one. Our Bible has become a list of things that make you a good person. Our Christians have become lame, and impotent. I feel that a LOT of this has to do with honesty.

I wondered as I took in the sermon on Sunday, how many people in this church (or any church for that matter) would honestly be able to put up their hands if I asked who had personal time with God everyday. I'm talking about real personal time getting to know Him.

Think about your best friend. How did they become your best friend? Did you just meet once and know? Then you never hung out again? Absolutely not. Of course some people fall for each other quicker than others in relationships, but the point is you HAVE to spend time with someone in order to grow a relationship with them. It's imperative, that's how humans work. (I remember an astounding fact from one of my psychology courses stating that if a man and a woman were stuck on a desert island together they would eventually fall in love with each other no matter what happened even despite attractiveness being extremely different). You grow attached to the people/things you spend time with. That's why your phone is YOUR phone, and no one else better touch it. It represents so much time and effort. People are the same way, and guess what? A relationship with God is no different.

Who spends enough time getting to know God each day? Who spends enough time building a relationship, and falling in love with Him? I know I don't. It's truly impossible if you think about how we SHOULD be. However, God so loves us that even a few minutes a day will reap incredible rewards.

Ok so how do we do that? Well by prayer of course silly head! You know, I've taken Jesus' advice lately and I've started closing the door to my room, and getting on my knees when I pray. Absolutely you can use a pillow if you have a hard floor, this isn't about sacrifice.

Right! So we got prayer! But...but...HOW do we pray? THIS IS SO VERY IMPORTANT I CAN'T EMPHASIZE IT ENOUGH. When's the last time you cried out to God? In anger? In frustration? In praise? In love? With any kind of emotion at all?! When's the last time you really let Him KNOW your heart? Let's put aside the fact for a second that God is omniscient. When you're in a relationship with someone, you HAVE to communicate in order to grow the relationship. If you never go deeper than niceties then what kind of relationship is that? That's a superficial relationship that WILL GO NOWHERE.

Therefore, what do we do? Well, luckily my church has been reading through Psalms lately, so we have had a chance to see King David's prayers in action. That's right, the Bible has blueprints for you. From the man who's heart is after God's own heart. "“After removing Saul, he made David their king. He testified concerning him: ‘I have found David son of Jesse a man after my own heart; he will do everything I want him to do.‘" (Acts 13:22) Yep, you read that right...you can literally see what David prayed. ESPECIALLY in times of trouble.

Wasn't David like, this super awesome amazing superhuman dude who we could never hold a candle to? Nope. Sure he became king due to divine intervention, but God doesn't require perfection. He wants love, adoration, rightful praise, and above all else a relationship...WITH YOU.

King David was certainly a great king and believer, but he did some terrible stuff too. The key was, all the while, he TRUSTED and confided in God. His prayers are so deeply honest it's awesome to read. It's like a little child complaining to his father and wanting him to fix everything for him.

So what do you think? Do we follow the blueprint that's been laid in front of us by our current church? Sanitized prayer, and words without action? Or should we try to be more like king David, and in turn more like Christ? We should pray with complete and utter honesty. Asking for what we want from God. Giving Him His due praise. Building a relationship with Him. He WILL answer. He has for me, and He will for you too.

Keep in mind this will happen on His timeline, but be on the lookout for an answer to what you're asking for. It may not be the way you expect it to be, but if you truly desire His will, then it will workout better than you could have ever planned.

That's the thing guys. This is all a process right? Who's ready to just fall head over heels in love with God and rip open their chest in prayer everyday right after they learn about God? I would be willing to bet it's not many people. It takes quite awhile to process the incredible sacrifice that Jesus made in coming here for us.

That's why it's a relationship that you have to build. You need to spend time with Him everyday. Learning to open up and be honest. Letting Him change you. Little by little. Just like if you were a body builder. You don't pick up weights and you're automatically jacked. It takes time, and you need to work for it everyday.

If you truly want it, He will change you. That's what we should be desiring. God changing us into what He wants us to be. Men and women of God who are true disciples, and willing to do His will. It's a scary prospect to give up your own desires and goals in life. To let someone else steer the car of life. However, if you REALLY believe God is who He says He is, well then there's no better chauffeur.

One more after this! Almost there!

Dominoes Part 2

Ok so this part is a progressive post from the last one. It will incorporate and elaborate on some of the thoughts, but it's mostly new material. I assume this will be a pretty lengthy post so I might end up even breaking it up into sub-posts but we will see.

As of last Sunday I hadn't been to church in about a month. Between the fact that it takes about an hour and a half to get to my church by public transportation, and traveling, plus some personal things that needed to be taken care of, I had neglected my attendance. Obviously this wasn't on purpose but my time is pretty restricted these days, so Sundays are sometimes the only free time I get.

Anyways, missing church for that long really reminded me how very much we all need fellowship and to be in God's house. It may not seem like it, but wow does sin slip in fast. Subtle change in views become big changes over time, and left unchecked can really threaten our faith.

Case and point, I'm in the market for a new phone and car now. Both are necessary at this point, and I'm working on saving the funds necessary for these purchases. I'm looking at a used car in the range of 7-9k or so as I'm planning on being here awhile and I would like something nice. I'm also looking at the galaxy note 8 phone. (I want to keep my American number so a new phone would be necessary, I looked into other options like Google voice and a Skype number but they just aren't feasible in my situation).

A little background on me. I was brought up with all the best equipment. I wasn't spoiled...I knew the value of what I had, but my parents had the motto "an artist is only as good as his tools". I grew up playing hockey, and for everyone who knows hockey reading this, equipment isn't cheap. I always had the best of the best, and I have grown accustomed to this. Would a burner phone work? Of course. Would a rust bucket car that goes from point A to point B safely work? Of course.

This brings up a great theological discussion. I think there are very valid arguments on both sides of this. As Christians where do "material belongings" fit in for us? Jesus lived broke and homeless. Paul was pretty close to this as well. Though there are times Paul says he lacked nothing, and lived pretty well.

There are other men in the Bible who were extremely wealthy. (King David, and King Solomon, as well as Job). These men lacked nothing. Obviously they had the means to have whatever they wanted. However, I would guess the truth lies in the motivation. Having a nice car/phone in order to garner attention from others is a sinful outlook, but having them out of necessity would be acceptable.

In my head I then wonder about what Paul said about "becoming all things to all people in order to win them". If I'm to be in the world of hockey, and teaching business men would having those things give me more credibility? Is that even what Paul meant? It's a legitimate question, and likely one that ends with not having the expensive things because it's easy to get caught up in that.

I don't think it's a sin to have things you can afford because God gives you the means to do so. However, the key is to not be attached to these "things". Understand that they are merely tools to be used for the kingdom. God can take everything away from you tomorrow (see the book of Job).

This is much easier said than done. All of this has been a background to my church visit last Sunday and the thoughts that have been going through my head. I seem to have revelation every time I go to church these days, and honestly I should probably be doing much more of it. The things I think of when I'm in God's house are very simple, yet profound. I find myself wanting to share more and more the deeper I go into Him. I find myself wanting to speak in church, and go on mission trips.

These things were never my desires before, but when God takes over your life you just can't help yourself. People tend to talk about what their heart desires. For some it's cars, for others it's men/women, yet others it's money. I am beginning to turn from all of that to talking about God, and it's scary and awesome. Scary because I know the sacrifice required for truly living as Christ does, but I am fully willing and looking forward to accepting that. Awesome because I used to think people that only wanted to talk about God were boring and lame, and now I'm starting to understand it.

I had a conversation with the pastor on Sunday 1 on 1. He pulled me aside and asked if we could talk. I was really excited because I had plenty I wanted to say to him since I had started attending this particular church. He may have been worried since I hadn't been to church in a month or so, and wanted to check in with me. His English was actually pretty good, good enough to have a conversation that we both understood.

He started by asking me how I liked the church. To which I answered that I liked it very much, and that from the first time I walked in I felt the Holy Spirit was at work. I also feel that each time I hear his sermon it's something that I need to hear, and that's very important. He was very happy to hear that and launched into an explanation of his theological beliefs and his vision of the church.

The main points that he mentioned were a church like the one in acts. A small church where people live and act as Christians. He also mentioned pushing people to be disciples since the Great Commission is something that we need to strive for.

I was happy to tell him that I agreed with everything he had to say. I am very in favor of home churches. I think it's extremely important to have fellowship with a small group of people. That way you have intimacy. You are involved in people's lives. You know what struggles they are going through, and what they need and you can fulfill those needs. That gets lost in large congregations. I also agree that we need to send out disciples to all nations. The only problem is that no one is teaching HOW to be a disciple. I know the desire is there, but the knowledge is missing.

I finally got the chance to tell the pastor how I felt about the G12 conference that we went to. I didn't like it. I think the idea can be a good one, but the way it's executed is pretty bad. There's a lot of prosperity gospel being preached, and only motivational speeches on being a good disciple, no teaching on HOW to do that.

I remember talking with my buddy Matt Gates about this during the conference, and he echoed those sentiments. Many people are saying "Go and make disciples of all nations" but no one is teaching how! I'm hoping that these revelations I'm having can help with this issue.

So then you ask, what are these revelations I've been having? Well as I said, they're pretty simple, yet profound. I'm hoping that these thoughts can help even one person, that would make things worth it, but even not at this point I know these will help me teach others in the future.

I will continue this post so as to not let it be too long!

Dominoes Part 1

I'm going to break this post into 2 parts because it's going to be long. It's also many thoughts so I think it's pretty necessary. There's been a lot going on in my thoughts, and my relationship with God so I thought it important to write it out for you guys. Without further adieu, here we go.

The main thought of this post is "The domino effect of sin". This post obviously pertains mostly to my life considering these are my personal thoughts on the subject, but I would be willing to bet that others have this particular issue as well.

What I mean is that I go along my merry way during the week and feel that I'm doing a pretty good job of avoiding sin (I know this isn't the case, but at least conscious sins), and then I let the flesh win a battle. I say let because truly God does not tempt us beyond our ability to withstand temptation. This may consist of anything such as drinking too much on a given night, or eating too much during a meal.

The result is that this sets off a ripple effect of doing things that I probably wouldn't normally otherwise do. Much like how a "diet" is ruined for the week if you cheat once, and you have to wait until next Monday to get back on track so you might as well just cheat the rest of the week. (I know you guys know what I'm talking about).

I was talking to my buddy Matt Tolbert about this back when I was living in Chicago. It's extremely easy to get into the mindset of "well I sinned so I might as well do the other things I wanted to do during this time of failure". We don't realize that we are expected to sin, and ultimately it is KNOWN by God that we will sin before we even do it. We are not saints. We should not feel the need to be that way either.

Christianity has been twisted into an unrecognizable reflection of its former self. Sure, Christ is still there. Sure, the Bible is still there. But how many people do you know in the church that LIVE how Christ did? (No I'm not saying homeless and broke) but truly learning to love someone for them, not their status or material wealth, and practicing the tenets of love and forgiveness no matter what the price.

Brennan Manning used to say "Christ loves you how you are, and not as you should be". Let that sink in. As. You. Are. Right now. Even after you got mad at the bad driver in front of you coming home from work. Even after you thought about what types of material wealth you could gather if you were Bill Gates. Even after you had pre-marital sex. Even after you lusted after someone on the street. Even after you were prideful in your self-righteousness.

He knows. He knew before he gave His life on the cross for you. However, what does He say to the invalid man that He healed in John? "14 Later Jesus found him at the temple and said to him, “See, you are well again. Stop sinninga or something worse may happen to you.”" (John 5:14) It's right there. From the mouth of Christ. Stop. Sinning.

So why do I have the mentality that one sin can beget another? That I failed, so another sin won't matter? I'm going to do it anyway so I might as well get it over with? I don't honestly know. I don't know if it's a product of our culture. Or if it's a product of us being human. Either way it's something I've decided I need to fix.

As I said before, It's so easy to fall into the "Domino effect". I see these patterns other places in my life as well. This also doesn't happen with positive things, but only negative. It's the typical flesh pushing the boundaries. Just one more. Just another one, it won't hurt. It's sin rearing its ugly head yet again.

It's ok to stop. It's ok to not repeat. It's ok to allow God to change you. It's can be a scary thing becoming a true child of God, but as we can see the rewards in heaven far outweigh the rewards you get here on earth. 

I'm going to continue praying about this, and allowing God to change me in this way. Working to be conscious every time I fall into this habit. Over time we CAN change, and if we ask, God WILL change us. I pray that those of you who also fall into this temptation will look to Him for help.

Tune in tomorrow or possibly the next day for another installment in this topic, but more of a progression. I have a lot to say that I thought about over the weekend. As always, thanks for reading and see you next time!

More Thoughts

You know, there are many different steps to trusting God. I think everyone has a different path to that as well. For me it was getting out of my comfort zone. I actually had to fight to do this, as everyone and everything in my life was trying to keep me there. It was like uprooting a tree that had been in the soil for years and years and had a strong root system. It took awhile to finally pull the trigger on this, but I had known in the back of my mind for a good length of time that I needed a change.

I'm not talking about a vacation. I'm not talking about a change of scenery. I'm talking about that I felt my struggle with the flesh, and the battle for my spirit would die if I stayed where I was. I was TOO comfortable. It was TOO easy. I had been given everything I could ever want or need without doing any real work. While I believe most people would read that and starting thinking "what an idiot..." (I think that myself sometimes too, but for different reasons lol) I knew this was something I needed to do.

I'm talking about moving to Korea. To be completely honest it probably could have been anywhere in world and it would have had the same result. Most of you reading this already know why I chose Korea so I'm not going to repeat the super long story (it's not really all that long). If you really want to read it, there's a detailed description in my first post on here.

So much has happened since I came here, and I'm ultimately so grateful for this opportunity. It's been, by far, the best experience of my life to date and I wouldn't trade it for the world. Certainly, there have been positives and negatives - and there will be more of those to come - but it's all leading me to be a stronger man, and more importantly bringing me closer to God.

My last post was rather scathing, and I'll be the first to admit I was a tad bit heated up (actually I was really only a bit heated up). I think my purpose here is starting to be revealed to me. Originally I thought it was to help refugees from North Korea once the Kim regime is overthrown (and of course that may still be God's will), but the more time I spend here the more insight I get into Korean culture.

I'm going to focus on Korean culture here, but bear in mind all of our cultures are pretty messed up. It's just that growing up in American culture it's easy to be blind to a lot of our faults, and being passionate about Korean culture, it's easy to pick out flaws. In fact a lot of what I will talk about will probably be applicable to the world anyway so it's whatever.

First of all, I absolutely love it here. People are extremely hospitable, I honestly haven't detected any anti-foreigner or anti-American sentiments, but that could definitely be due to the way I look or what I'm doing here. Either way the main fabric of the community here is very well knit. People take care of each other naturally day to day, at least compared to what I felt in America. It feels good to be a part of.

A lot of it feels superficial though, while still feeling genuine. Let me explain because that's a silly statement. The culture has a resounding unspoken motto of "do good things and you're a good person". In fact that's exactly what Christianity here feels like. I have a feeling Confucianism has a lot to do with that. I have been told multiple times that the culture here has its roots in Confucianism. (Yes I did just link to wikipedia....twice. Deal with it.)

Briefly Confucianism is more of a school of thought than a religion. The belief is to focus more on family and social harmony than on anything supernatural. It's a very humanistic view. Also a major belief is that humans are innately good, and teachable, and ultimately perfectible with enough practice.

Well if this isn't in direct contradiction to the Bible then I don't know what is. Yet the two exist...together. It's clear which has a stronger hold right now. In my last post I mentioned how the largest megachurch in the world is in Seoul. There are a good amount of Christians here, but I feel that the true teachings of the Bible are being missed.

I've had a lot of time to think about it lately, and due to personal reasons of course I have focused a lot on forgiveness, but even besides that I believe that is a main tenet of the Bible. Love and forgiveness.

I feel that here the main belief is that the Bible is ultimately a book of rules to be a good person. Sure Jesus is great, sure God sounds awesome, but really people are good at heart, and therefore all we have to do is do good deeds and everything will be all good. This is such a popular belief, and I've heard this many times in America as well. Just be good to each other and leave each other alone. Very Confucianistic. Very Humanistic.

This couldn't be more contradictory to the main premise of the Bible. We are all sinners that deserve eternal hellfire. Let me repeat that, we are ALL sinners. Yes that includes the pope, yes that includes saint Mary, yes that includes everyone who has ever lived, or will ever live of course minus Jesus. Logically, what was the point of Jesus coming and dying if that's not the case? As he pointed out in the Gospel of Matthew even our thoughts are sinful.

This brings me to love and forgiveness. Peter asked Jesus how many times he should forgive someone who wronged him. Jesus answered not 7 times, but 70 times 7 and even more. What a difficult teaching for humans! We are naturally full of vengeance. If someone wrongs us, we want to give them back twice or three times what they did to us! It's only fair right? We are the exactors of justice! Not quite. That is God's job. We should forgive, for "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." (John 8:7) None of us are perfect. We sin all the time. Therefore we should always forgive in love.

Think this is a hard teaching? How about the fact that it's easier to forgive those that you love, and love you. What about those who are unbelievers? How about those heathens and pagans that live in the third world? Surely they don't deserve our forgiveness. Wrong again. This is probably one of the most difficult things to do. I keep thinking back to Steven in scripture who while being stoned to death calls out to God and says "Lord, do not hold this sin against them." (Acts 7:60) 

What an incredible act of faith! He believed so adamantly that A) God could ultimately save them even though they had murdered a disciple of "the way" and B) that if not, God would exact justice as only He can. I can only pray for this kind of faith at the moment. As I said yesterday I feel I am getting closer to this, but my flesh still flares up whenever I feel wronged and I can still lash out in anger rather than teach and forgive in love.

Back to my observations. Things are very Pharisaic here. Pharisee's believed that you would be saved through works. They proved this time and time again by praying in large crowded places to gain notoriety from people. They disfigured their faces when fasting, and ALWAYS gave 10% of everything to the church. They lived life perfectly by the "law" and therefore never really lived at all. Jesus condemned them saying "Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean." (Matthew 23:26).

Granted, like I said before this goes for a lot of sectors of Christianity in the world, and unfortunately where Christianity gets most criticized. So many teachings are that you can be saved through "good deeds" and not simply by the grace of Christ coming to die for our sins. It can't be that simple right? Like...all we actually have to do is believe that we are sinners and doomed for destruction, and that Jesus came down from heaven to die on the cross to cover those sins.

Thinking about this simple fact never fails to blow my mind. As I've said in previous posts to the point of tears while looking at the cross. What an incredible love. Can you imagine loving someone so much that you would die for them? How about people that sin against you literally all day everyday? I can maybe imagine dying for a friend or family member, but for someone who hates me and sins against me? Truly amazing.

There's so much else to say but this should suffice for now. Truly love is all encompassing, and can change people. It certainly has done that for me. I have felt Christ's love, and I am changed forever. I now strive to love others with the same love that He has shown me. 

Thanks for reading!